Heroes who perished at World Trade Center will be among those remembered

Memorial Day is a day of remembrance, and while it honors those who served and perished in past conflicts, what will come to my mind tomorrow, is the faces and the words spoken as I watched the recent dedication of the World Trade Center Memorial on television.

We have waited such a long time for the completion of this memorial, but from the news reports I read and the excellent television coverage I saw, it appears to be a comprehensive, well-thought-out and tasteful tribute to all those who perished and the many who came to help on that terrible day.

I still can vividly recall that morning when our New York daughter-in-law phoned to tell us to turn on the television as a plane had just accidentally flown into one of the towers. As we flipped the dial, the second plane was just imploding the other tower, and we realized at that awful moment — this was no accident.

Watching what followed was a special shock for both of us as Val had previously worked for an engineering firm located on the 82nd floor of the North Tower, and while I had not commuted daily as he had, the Connecticut real estate company where I worked had its headquarters in the South Tower, and I had made frequent visits to their offices with its sweeping views of New York Harbor and the Statue of Liberty. 

I had also eaten several times at the renown Windows on the World restaurant on the 107th floor of the North Tower with its indescribably breathtaking views, but a location so high up that most of the waiters and support staff there did not survive.

The World Trade Center had attracted workers of many different nationalities and backgrounds. There were bright young stockbrokers and hedge fund managers earning huge amounts of money, secretaries and receptionists from Iowa and Texas; thrilled to be working in the Big Apple, middle-income commuters and heads of families, some just arriving for work, and electricians, cooks, waiters, maintenance crews from Mexico, Puerto Rico, China and a dozen other countries … all part of what was almost a mini city unto itself.

The heroism and the sacrifice of both the workers in those buildings and the police, firefighters or nearby civilians who all rushed in to help, as well as those who stayed for months to dig through the unimaginable rubble, is a lasting testament to all that is remarkable and special about the American spirit. As President Obama said in his moving tribute at the opening ceremony, “No act of terror can match the strength of our country.”

It is a strange fact, but because I was so accustomed to get my bearings as I approached New York by spotting those two towering buildings, even after all this time, my mind’s eye still fills them in at the space where they should stand.

I guess buildings, as well as people, live on in our memories of them. I shall always picture those two proud towers as part of the New York skyline.

What are the meaningful memories you will cherish tomorrow?

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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Made the change and will send out a flyer by the end of the day.

On various and differing odd occasions, I find myself worrying about a variety of problems; the solution to which, is most probably completely beyond my control. It may be late at night or while I’m driving down a traffic-less stretch of road, but I find I am concerned to learn that General Mills, the makers of many brands of foods, has added language to their website informing consumers that they give up their right to sue the company if they download coupons or enter a sponsored sweepstakes.

In case of a dispute, from now on you have to use informal negotiation via email or through arbitration. I can barely manage to get my bank balance by email let alone try to negotiate, and although arbitration may be an efficient way to settle disputes, how do I know the arbitrator will not favor powerful, wealthy General Mills? 

If I lose my voice or require a stomach bypass because of some poisoned object in their Cheerios, I now can’t sue because I used a coupon to buy their cereal? That’s a worrisome trend, to put it mildly. What if General Motors put in place a similar rule? If you had taken a “test drive” it could negate a suit against a faulty Cobalt car.

I am really distressed to learn of the closing of the beautiful and irreplaceable Rizzoli bookstore in Manhattan. This remarkable landmark building on West 57th Street was not only a beautiful building to visit with its cast iron chandeliers, luminous window and decorated vaulted ceiling, the specialized collection of illustrated subjects like fashion, interior design, art, architecture, photography and literature … many in magnificent heirloom-quality books, are unavailable anywhere else.

So many wonderful buildings are demolished (the Folk Art Museum will be lost in an expansion of MOMA) or overwhelmed by the continuing development of more and more luxury condominiums.

Another item relegated to the back pages of some newspapers is how in the near future, doctors may be required to consider the cost of treatment in suggesting what care plan to follow. The society of oncologists, for example, alarmed by the prices of some cancer medicines, is developing a score card to evaluate drugs based on cost and value as well as their efficacy and side effects. One example given was of two drugs, equally effective in treating macular degeneration. But one costs $50 a dose and the other an unbelievable $2,000. Medicare could save millions if everyone used the cheaper drug, but the FDA has not yet approved the less expensive one for use in the eye since it may carry an additional, but slight, safety risk.

Some drugs are so expensive that insurers are saying only seriously ill patients should be treated. Doctors are concerned about the conflict in trying to be both providers of care and financial overseers. They don’t want to be in the position of not prescribing something because it is bad for their state’s Medicare budget.

Dr. Martin A. Samuels of Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston says, “There should be forces in society who should be concerned about the budget, about how many MRIs we do, but they shouldn’t be functioning simultaneously as doctors.” And Dr. Daniel P. Sulmasy, professor of medicine and ethics at the U. of Chicago, put it right into our laps when he said, “In some ways, it represents a failure of wider society to take up the issue.”

While, I’ve pretty much given up worrying about the overwhelming state of world affairs, these other issues nag at me, and I keep wondering what I can do to change them. Is anyone else out there worried, too?

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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New Haven Woman’s Club gathered one last time for lunch recently

I was surprised and delighted by a recent invitation to join the New Haven Woman’s Club for lunch at the beautiful Sage American Grill in New Haven, but my pleasure turned to sadness when I learned that this group, in existence since 1913, which had accomplished so much over the years, was having its final get-together.

I had experienced the same feeling previously when the Branford Women’s Club (a few members joined with Madison) had its last event. More women than ever are working today, and many of the clubs have not changed with the times and found ways to attract those younger women who they need in order to survive. 

It is too bad because women’s clubs have played a very important role in our nation’s history and still contribute immeasurably to our communities well-being. Did you know, for example, that almost 80 percent of the libraries in Connecticut owe their existence to women’s clubs, which often originated as women’s reading groups after the Civil War, and it was their book collections that became our very first small-town libraries? A women’s reading club started in 1900 in Madison by Mary Eliza Scranton is now the Scranton Public Library.

“Women Working Wonders” was the motto of the New Haven Woman’s Club and in her heartwarming good-bye speech, outgoing treasurer and program chair Janet Burblis related the groups from infants to college students and the elderly that their donations have helped. From card parties to cake sales, volunteering at hospitals, driving others to doctor’s appointments, serving at soup kitchens, tutoring in schools and planting flowers and knitting hats for children, these ladies have added immeasurably to the community.

One lasting gift, a beautiful quilt which is one of two that were made by women of the club, hangs in the children’s area of the New Haven Public Library and depicts characters from the children’s book, “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak.

The good news is that we still have some very active women’s clubs (all members of the General Federation of Women’s Clubs) in our area, and I would encourage women, whether working or nonworking, to consider becoming part of these organizations. There are groups in Killingworth, Northford, North Branford, Mystic, Madison and Milford, to name just a few.

The Madison group has its very special biennial Gardens by the Sea coming up on June 1, which offers an opportunity to tour seven beautiful, local gardens.

Their current energetic and personable president Kathy De Burra has been honored this year by being selected to represent the state of Connecticut at the national convention in Arizona, (which, in a lovely coincidence, happens to be Kathy’s former home state).

On a personal note, although I was happily married for almost 60 years and still admire and enjoy the male sex, I have always treasured the special companionship of my women friends; even more now that age increases one’s dependency on friends. During my entire working life, it has most often been another woman who has given me a hand up, and, indeed, I owe my present rewarding career to a woman, Maureen Campbell, who 15 years ago saw the potential in a specialized service to help seniors with the complex task of selling their homes, downsizing and moving to a retirement community or even, an entirely new area.

Happy Easter, Passover and Welcome Spring to readers, female, male and otherwise.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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There is so much joy to be savored in the moment, so slow down

During a recent effort to get rid of some of the ever-increasing volume of accumulated paperwork, I came across the outline for a seminar I had given some years ago on time management.

In re-reading the outline, it was obvious that the intent is to make the entire day as productive as possible. Every hour was broken down into segments in which you had to complete a specific task.

Unfortunately, while raising three children and working, I not only tried to live that way myself, I encouraged others to do the same. Now, in my 80s, I am fully aware of how precious time is and while, if I have a deadline to meet, I can call on those time-management skills, I am more frequently apt to question activities in terms of pleasure received for time spent; my criteria now is not how much did I get done today, but what enjoyment was derived from time spent? 

That can mean having the time to re-read a favorite book or poem, to meet a friend for a leisurely lunch, to take a drive with no particular destination in mind — the only goal to absorb and enjoy the journey.

Too many of us have the feeling that whatever we are doing, we should be doing something else. We rush from one thing to the next. If you find that happening, stop what you are doing. Breathe deeply and concentrate fully on one thing for 3 minutes: a flower, a picture, an item on your desk.

You will be pleasantly surprised by how much more relaxed you will feel and how your “pace” has been automatically slowed down.

When our children get upset, we call for a “timeout.” We need to do the same for ourselves whether we are feeling rushed or get angry during an argument. Take 10 minutes to be silent and calm down while reflecting on why you became so angry. Or sometimes we find ourselves worrying about the future.

While seniors, especially, need to make plans for the future, constant worry spoils the present moment which is where our happiness truly lies. A wise doctor once said that understanding is impossible without serenity, but one can only achieve serenity when time moves slowly. And Marthe Troly-Curtin said, “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.” Certainly, doing nothing can be restorative, but not if you are feeling guilty about all the things you should be doing.

Yale Richmond, a British author, remarking on retirement in his book, “Understanding Americans,” wrote, “Half their lives is spent trying to find something to do with the time they have rushed through life trying to save.”

Spring in Connecticut is such a special season. Few areas of the country have these days of ideal weather coupled with the breathtaking flowering of such a variety of plants and trees. After such a long hard winter, it is especially important to take the time to relax, enjoy and live fully “in the moment.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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