“Love ... If you have it, you don’t need anything else. If you don’t have it,
it doesn’t matter what else you have.” — Sir James M. Barrie
As we all
know, there are many kinds of love. Love of our friends, our children, our work,
and perhaps most important but hardest of all, respect and love of all our
fellow human beings.
But Valentine’s Day, which we will celebrate
Thursday, is dedicated to romantic love, to that one very special person in our
life. Since finding our “soul mate” seems to have become more difficult than in
the past, and because it is also now big business with digital dating services
representing the third-largest revenue generator in paid-content websites, your
curious columnist did some personal research on the subject.
I joined a
senior dating site, but did not want to mislead anyone, so never responded to
any of the suggested matches. When I tried to cancel, I ran into major
difficulty.
Therein lies my first warning: Be very clear about cancellation
policies.
Some people have had success with dating online. I think if you
engage in many different activities, you are just as likely to meet someone in a
more relaxed, natural setting. However, since experts say that online dating has
lost any stigma and newer sites such as eHarmony, Match.com and OkCupid match scientifically, herewith
some of their suggestions:
‰You need to stand out. It is important to
look different from the other 50 profiles the average person views.
‰Five
useless phrases online daters should not use:
“Down to earth.” It is
superficial and meaningless.
“I love to laugh.” Who doesn’t?
“I love life.” Not helpful. What do you love about life? Give me a look inside your head.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” People use this as a way of expressing that they really don’t need this online dating thing. That’s silly and degrades the process.
Dating in your senior years certainly can be complicated because the rules that we were accustomed to no longer hold true.
One new interesting site has a possible answer. Known as YourCauseOrMine, it matches members based on location, their causes and activity and provides a platform for individuals and groups to meet. They claim that members can identify their interest and involvement in various causes, search for profile matches among other members, join groups based on their interests and plan to volunteer with or attend local cause-related events.
The founders, Fred and Teshia Roby, live on the West Coast, and say their own experience served as an inspiration for the site. At the least, you would be put in touch with some interesting groups with like-minded people.
Unfortunately, sometimes Cupid is a scammer. Here is how to avoid a dating scam.
1. Set up an anonymous email account to protect your privacy.
2. Use your cellphone number, which is more difficult to check.
3. Drive yourself to your date, and tell someone where you will be. Your date does not need to know your address.
And, of course, never pursue a long-distance relationship with a stranger online or reveal personal data until you have met face to face, checked out the individual and developed a trusting relationship. Never, under any circumstances, send money.
Even though love can be wonderful, keep your head before losing your heart.
Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.
