“Act your age” was an admonition I often received as I was growing up.
But I was always tall for my age, and because I looked older than my years, sometimes much more was expected of me than of my petite cousin, who purposely could appear helpless when the occasion demanded. At other times, I recall wishing desperately to be older than my years; when at 5, I wanted the training wheels removed from my bike or at 13 wearing lipstick (a pale rose shade) and purchasing my first bra and finally at 16, being allowed to drive the family car.
All of this came to mind recently when I went for a hearing test and was told my hearing loss was “age appropriate.” I’m still not sure exactly what that means, but as far as I’m concerned, I still feel, (on most days) a lot younger than my actual years and any loss is not appropriate at all. At every age, we are told that age has “restrictions.”
Now that I have lived a certain number of years and come to the full realization that eluded me in youth… that unfortunately, I, like all other living creatures, will one day depart this life, I want to be able to do as I feel; not what someone else says my age is supposed to be able do. Physicians, you are hereby put on notice. When I pay you a visit, tell me what you can or cannot do. Do not preface any suggestion with a sigh and the words, “Well, at your age.”
True, some days due to circumstances beyond my control when the arthritis kicks in when it rains, or I have over-exerted the previous day and I feel a decade beyond my years, I push a little harder or try to find the humor in it all. And when friends ask, “How are you?” they don’t really want to hear a list of complaints.
Most days, however, life feels pretty good; I am doing satisfying work I enjoy with people I like and respect; I have an active social life and a few people I count as close friends, my general health is pretty good, and I’m blessed with abundant energy.
The “don’t haves” seem relatively unimportant. And if I glance in the mirror in a dim light, I can still manage to envision traces of the slender, young woman, I once was. I am often reminded of the “story” or the interpretation behind one of my favorite paintings, “Woman in a Striped Dress, by Edouard Vuillard; a copy hangs in my bedroom. The painting depicts two women arranging flowers; the young woman, very much in evidence is in the foreground while the older woman is just visable in the background. The two women look similar enough to be related; some feel Vuillard painted his mother and sister with whom he lived. Others feel the painting represents the same woman, presently young, but the older woman in the background is the reflection of what she will become.
I like this interpretation because what we do in our youth, does determine to a great extent, what kind of an older person we will become and also because when we are older, although not readily evident, the young person we were is still present and part of us.
We would all have a better understanding of one another if we could see the adult potential in the young and the youthful spirit still remaining in the aged.
Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.
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