New Haven Woman’s Club gathered one last time for lunch recently

I was surprised and delighted by a recent invitation to join the New Haven Woman’s Club for lunch at the beautiful Sage American Grill in New Haven, but my pleasure turned to sadness when I learned that this group, in existence since 1913, which had accomplished so much over the years, was having its final get-together.

I had experienced the same feeling previously when the Branford Women’s Club (a few members joined with Madison) had its last event. More women than ever are working today, and many of the clubs have not changed with the times and found ways to attract those younger women who they need in order to survive. 

It is too bad because women’s clubs have played a very important role in our nation’s history and still contribute immeasurably to our communities well-being. Did you know, for example, that almost 80 percent of the libraries in Connecticut owe their existence to women’s clubs, which often originated as women’s reading groups after the Civil War, and it was their book collections that became our very first small-town libraries? A women’s reading club started in 1900 in Madison by Mary Eliza Scranton is now the Scranton Public Library.

“Women Working Wonders” was the motto of the New Haven Woman’s Club and in her heartwarming good-bye speech, outgoing treasurer and program chair Janet Burblis related the groups from infants to college students and the elderly that their donations have helped. From card parties to cake sales, volunteering at hospitals, driving others to doctor’s appointments, serving at soup kitchens, tutoring in schools and planting flowers and knitting hats for children, these ladies have added immeasurably to the community.

One lasting gift, a beautiful quilt which is one of two that were made by women of the club, hangs in the children’s area of the New Haven Public Library and depicts characters from the children’s book, “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak.

The good news is that we still have some very active women’s clubs (all members of the General Federation of Women’s Clubs) in our area, and I would encourage women, whether working or nonworking, to consider becoming part of these organizations. There are groups in Killingworth, Northford, North Branford, Mystic, Madison and Milford, to name just a few.

The Madison group has its very special biennial Gardens by the Sea coming up on June 1, which offers an opportunity to tour seven beautiful, local gardens.

Their current energetic and personable president Kathy De Burra has been honored this year by being selected to represent the state of Connecticut at the national convention in Arizona, (which, in a lovely coincidence, happens to be Kathy’s former home state).

On a personal note, although I was happily married for almost 60 years and still admire and enjoy the male sex, I have always treasured the special companionship of my women friends; even more now that age increases one’s dependency on friends. During my entire working life, it has most often been another woman who has given me a hand up, and, indeed, I owe my present rewarding career to a woman, Maureen Campbell, who 15 years ago saw the potential in a specialized service to help seniors with the complex task of selling their homes, downsizing and moving to a retirement community or even, an entirely new area.

Happy Easter, Passover and Welcome Spring to readers, female, male and otherwise.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: New Haven Woman’s Club gathered one last time for lunch recently

There is so much joy to be savored in the moment, so slow down

During a recent effort to get rid of some of the ever-increasing volume of accumulated paperwork, I came across the outline for a seminar I had given some years ago on time management.

In re-reading the outline, it was obvious that the intent is to make the entire day as productive as possible. Every hour was broken down into segments in which you had to complete a specific task.

Unfortunately, while raising three children and working, I not only tried to live that way myself, I encouraged others to do the same. Now, in my 80s, I am fully aware of how precious time is and while, if I have a deadline to meet, I can call on those time-management skills, I am more frequently apt to question activities in terms of pleasure received for time spent; my criteria now is not how much did I get done today, but what enjoyment was derived from time spent? 

That can mean having the time to re-read a favorite book or poem, to meet a friend for a leisurely lunch, to take a drive with no particular destination in mind — the only goal to absorb and enjoy the journey.

Too many of us have the feeling that whatever we are doing, we should be doing something else. We rush from one thing to the next. If you find that happening, stop what you are doing. Breathe deeply and concentrate fully on one thing for 3 minutes: a flower, a picture, an item on your desk.

You will be pleasantly surprised by how much more relaxed you will feel and how your “pace” has been automatically slowed down.

When our children get upset, we call for a “timeout.” We need to do the same for ourselves whether we are feeling rushed or get angry during an argument. Take 10 minutes to be silent and calm down while reflecting on why you became so angry. Or sometimes we find ourselves worrying about the future.

While seniors, especially, need to make plans for the future, constant worry spoils the present moment which is where our happiness truly lies. A wise doctor once said that understanding is impossible without serenity, but one can only achieve serenity when time moves slowly. And Marthe Troly-Curtin said, “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.” Certainly, doing nothing can be restorative, but not if you are feeling guilty about all the things you should be doing.

Yale Richmond, a British author, remarking on retirement in his book, “Understanding Americans,” wrote, “Half their lives is spent trying to find something to do with the time they have rushed through life trying to save.”

Spring in Connecticut is such a special season. Few areas of the country have these days of ideal weather coupled with the breathtaking flowering of such a variety of plants and trees. After such a long hard winter, it is especially important to take the time to relax, enjoy and live fully “in the moment.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: There is so much joy to be savored in the moment, so slow down

Go easy on the lifting, bending, etc. as spring arrives

Mid-March, and we can almost start to believe that spring is just around the corner. It is a time of year when we are anxious to enjoy activities we had to forego during the bad weather, and it is also a time of year when we look at our homes and think it would be nice to “freshen up” a bit.

While we are in that mood, it would be a good idea to include looking at the risk factors for falls since they are one of the main reasons seniors end up in nursing homes. Perhaps you have been physically inactive during the recent bad weather; now is a good time to join a local exercise class and start to strengthen those leg muscles. Check your senior center, the VNA or nearby Y for spring offerings.

Since falls in the home lead to more than 2.3 million emergency room visits and 21,000 deaths in the over-65 populace, take a careful look at the following areas in your home:

Bathroom: Use a rubber mat inside the tub and a slip-resistant rug adjacent to the bathtub. Use a sturdy seat if you can’t lower yourself safely in the tub. Install grab bars in the shower or bath area. Invest in a “high” toilet or use a seat with armrests. Always keep a night light on in the bathroom.

Kitchen: Never go barefoot in the kitchen, and clean up any spills immediately. Invest in pull-out storage shelves that are easy to reach. Don’t stand on chairs to reach items. Use a “grabber.” Get rid of throw rugs!

Stairs: Keep completely free of boxes, packages and clutter. Light switches need to be both at the top and bottom of the stairs and handrails on both sides. Lighting needs to be bright so that you can see each step clearly. A good idea is to paint the edge of each step in a light color. Nonslip rubber treads on bare wood steps increase safety.

Bedroom: You need to have a lamp, telephone and flashlight next to your bed. A night light along the route between your bedroom and the bathroom can prevent sleepy stumbles. Arrange clothes in your closet so they are easy to reach. Have additional rods installed where they are accessible for you. Again, the inexpensive “grabber” is great for reaching items that are high up. A quality, comfortable mattress is important. Consider one with a motorized attachment that allows you to lower and raise the head or foot of the bed.

Living room: Arrange furniture so there is a clear pathway. Light switches need to be at the entrance to a room so you do not go into a dark space. All loose electrical wires need to be fastened down. Replace old worn, hard-to-get-out-of sofas and chairs by selecting chairs with arms and firm, high-cushioned sofas.

Remove door sills that are higher than a half-inch.

If you have animals, be alert to their whereabouts so that they don’t dash in front of you and cause you to trip.

EVERYONE WHO LIVES ALONE SHOULD WEAR A MEDICAL ALERT DEVICE AT ALL TIMES! I can’t stress this strongly enough. Falls do occur and when they do, you need help immediately. Cellphones are not an effective alternative.  

If you feel you are losing your balance and are about to fall, the experts suggest that you do not extend your arms to try to break the fall; instead, raise your arms to protect your head and try to fall on your side or buttocks and then roll over. Then, slide or crawl to the nearest chair, get on your knees and then slowly pull yourself up.

Since it is almost spring, the one fall that is always allowed is to fall in love; wonderful at any age!

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Go easy on the lifting, bending, etc. as spring arrives

Celebrating Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day, too

This is the first time in my memory of writing “Senior Moments” that the column has occurred between the Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day. That is probably due to the fact that although Valentine’s Day remains a constant in the calendar, Chinese New Year fluctuates and this year arrived on the last day of January, rather than the usual sometime in early February date.


This year, the Year of the Horse, is the 7th in their zodiac cycle and since, historically, the horse is the symbol of power, it should prove to be a gainful year. (I’m not superstitious, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed, just in case).


Valentine’s Day will occur Friday, previous to Sunday’s column. The two special days are not as far apart ideologically, as one might suppose. Much of the mythology surrounding the zodiac cycle pertains to personality characteristics and appropriate zodiac signs under which to find the most suitable romantic partners.


Speaking of romantic partners reminds me of an offer from the Canyon Ranch Hotel in Miami Beach for a 3-day program devoted to bond-building through intimacy therapy and a couples’ spa treatment, featuring a mud bath and massage. If any potential beau ever saw me in a mud bath, I am sure I would have remained a lifelong spinster. Along with the Times advertisement for a signed Broncos Mini Helmet for almost $400, I can’t imagine anything I would want less as a gift.


My daughter, Marianne, has always said that Valentine’s Day was her favorite holiday because other holidays celebrated the birth or death of a famous person, but Feb. 14 celebrated the person each of us chooses to love and remember. So in addition to my family and some cherished longtime friends, this year I would like to send special valentines to:


• Old beaus and long-forgotten sweethearts whose affection and attention helped me grow and gain self-confidence in the knowledge that I was, indeed, “lovable.”


• Members of Congress, who with the debt ceiling looming once again, should learn, if not to love one another, at least to work together for the good of the rest of us. A shining example and a special valentine to those on both sides of the aisle fighting to get the Equal Pay for Women Bill passed.


• Former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg for giving $650 million of his own fortune for New York causes and also to wish him well in his new position as special UN envoy for large cities to help with their problems and speed climate change initiatives.


• Congratulations and valentine wishes to Angelina Jolie, recipient of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. She is someone who uses her fame and fortune to help others.


• Philip Seymour Hoffman, an outstanding and versatile acting talent who at age 46 should have had many more productive years in movies and the theater, but instead became another victim of drug addiction and passed away from an accidental overdose.


• A big, very special valentine to teachers, librarians, police officers, firemen, members of the Armed Forces, health aides and nurses, plumbers and electricians, waiters, sanitation workers … all the many people doing the hard, often unseen jobs, that help to make the lives of the rest of us, run smoothly.


And, if like so many in their senior years, you have recently lost someone dear to you, which makes Valentine’s Day seem bittersweet, take comfort in the wise words of Helen Keller:


“What we once enjoyed
And deeply loved


We can never lose
For all we love deeply


Becomes a part of us.”
Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Celebrating Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day, too