Some folks pay good money for the advice I'm about to give you here

Summer is a time of warm weather, longer days generally filled with sunny skies, green grass and flowers; it’s a time to relax, take it all in and enjoy. But some of us are so weighed down with worries and numbed by problems, that they are simply trying to survive each day.

Although I count myself a most fortunate individual, there are times when trying to care for my increasingly frail and forgetful husband, Val, and continuing my work as a senior adviser to others puts so much pressure on me that I can become negative and resentful.

I am also witness to the struggles of both friends and clients who are trying to deal with issues such as the death of a loved one, a major move, divorce or unemployment.

What I am slowly learning is that happiness comes when we learn to stop wishing that circumstances were different; when indeed, they are beyond our control. Happiness is figuring out the best way to react to what is happening, here and now. It is the everyday choices and habits that fill our days and how we think about them.

I have always been a planner and goal-setter; not a bad characteristic in areas where control is possible, but now I am in a situation in which definitive future plans are impossible. Although this is difficult and contrary to my nature, I am trying to learn to live in the moment.

At times. I can clearly recall my mother’s voice, when I would want the time to move quickly toward some anticipated event, “Jeanie, live now. Don’t wish your life away,” she would say. Here’s what I’m finding helpful:

Exercise: With a bad ankle, walking distances is painful, but water exercise not only strengthens my body, it is a natural antidepressant. Although it is not always easy to get up for an early morning class at the Shoreline Y, it is the most energizing way to start the day. For others, a walk in the woods, or exercising with a friend can make a big difference in how you will feel for the remainder of the day, as well as improve your sleep at night. Choose a form of exercise you enjoy, do it regularly and you will find your happiness index will go up.

Plan Some Special Activities for Yourself: Make a list of things you really enjoy (or formerly enjoyed) and then develop a plan to accomplish one or two each week. Perhaps finances or time no longer permit long vacations or trips to New York museums and theaters. There’s the Yale University Art Gallery and the Yale Center for British Art right in New Haven, the Wadsworth Atheneum in Hartford, the Florence Griswold Museum in Old Lyme and so many outstanding theater groups, that they are too numerous to mention here.

You might take a day trip with a club or senior group, attend a local lecture, read a stimulating book, and then share it with a friend. Just do whatever makes you feel good.

Learn Something New: Take a class and make new friends while learning something different, whether it is a foreign language, photography, golf, painting; choices are endless and focusing on a new hobby takes your mind off your troubles and makes you feel good about yourself. Fall course catalogs will soon be out, so start thinking about it now.

Spend Time With People Who Help You Feel Good: That may or may not include family members. Sometimes, certain friends are the ones who make us feel at our best ... seek out these people, even if you haven’t seen them in awhile and suggest meeting for coffee or a picnic lunch. Reach out to strangers ... a warm smile or kind remark can brighten the mood for an entire day.

Accentuate the Positive: Sometimes at the end of a difficult day, I have to remember to look for three good things that happened that day for which I am grateful. I even jot them down and at the end of the week, I realize anew, how very much there is to be grateful for. Hardest of all for me but perhaps most important is to ...

Live in the Moment: Do you sometimes find yourself worrying about the future so much that only your body is physically present? If so, you are dwelling on things beyond your control and missing what is here and now. All any of us have is today, this hour, this moment. It is our choice to make this a summer of happiness.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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