Sadly, some of our well-off friends are not very well off

Last week, I visited a friend of many years who had recently moved into a beautiful and very posh continuing-care community near Princeton, N.J. Although we both started out as young mothers of modest means who lived across the hall from one another in Chicago, Dori has ended up in financial circumstances which far exceed mine.

We both lost our husbands recently, as well, but although I, too, must make a move (in my case to something much smaller and less expensive), my friend can’t comprehend how I greet each day with enthusiasm while she wishes she had not moved from her large, somewhat isolated home and has difficulty finding much joy in living despite helpful children nearby and an adorable new granddaughter.

She has trouble understanding how, with a greatly reduced income to manage on, I remain positive and fairly content. I told her that although I certainly am not looking forward to making a move from my delightful home at the Ponds, I have been fortunate to have enjoyed it with Val for more than 20 years. And as a reminder to myself to count my blessings, I have on the refrigerator, a clipping of a woman with a tear-stained face, looking at the devastated remains of what once was her home before the recent floods in New Orleans. Now, that’s trouble!

I also have always had a somewhat casual attitude toward finances, disliking strict budgets and operating with an intuitive feeling of about how much to spend (probably the reason I haven’t accumulated a big bank balance). However, over time, I have learned where to spend my income to produce the greatest return. First, you must learn to recognize what things are really important to your happiness; not an easy task when we are constantly bombarded with others telling us what we are supposed to desire.

I have learned that in order to frequent some upscale restaurants I enjoy, I must shop like a demon at the supermarket, challenging myself to find the best for less. I really love the theater, but even going to previews and searching for half-price tickets on line, it is still a big-budget item, so I go to very few movies, renting the ones I truly want to see from the library or Netflex. Since there doesn’t seem to be much that I enjoy on television, I am making do with a perfectly adequate older set forgoing the large, flat, plasma screen all my neighbors own.

Travel, especially to exotic places is a passion for me, so I save for trips by driving a 10-year-old car that may not have all the bells and whistles, but which no longer requires collision insurance and still gets me safely where I am going. If a new car or television is what makes you happy, then you should spend your money differently than I do.

Of course, we all have basic needs that must be met. But beyond those, I think happiness lies in how we decide to spend the remainder. The more it can be on things or experiences we truly love and enjoy, the greater the satisfaction.

Pinch pennies on the “must haves,” but splurge if you can, on those things that add zest to your life. My New Jersey friend is surrounded by luxury, but is finding very little in life to be pleasurable. I hope that changes for her ... to live without savoring every moment is such a terrible waste.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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