We never use the words ‘sanity’ and ‘fashion trends’ in the same sentence

I have a brief, old credential as a fashion observer in that before my marriage I worked for a New York publicity firm where I covered the wholesale garment industry and then wrote about the new fashions I had viewed. I still love and appreciate beautifully made and well-designed clothes, but with the untimely closing of the wonderful department and specialty stores that carried clothes made in Europe to the store’s exacting specifications (yet still affordable), we have descended to a paroxysm of competitive designer labelling on everything from underwear to lipstick.

Bold initialing now substitutes for good taste. Glancing through the current issues of Vogue, Marie Claire and Vanity Fair, it seems that only prices have ascended to a higher level. Even the fashion copywriters have all adopted a similar, limited vocabulary. I would have been fired if my descriptive powers were limited to “Cool,” “Sexy,” “Wow,” “Hot,” “New” and “Must Have.” So maybe my views are outdated and old-fashioned, but as a consumer as well as a columnist, here goes:n Diane von Furstenberg is one of the few unchanging designers, still featuring her wrap dress, which I find as tiresome as my old bathrobe (which also comes undone at inopportune moments).n Shoes and boots are still both breathtakingly expensive and unwearable by anyone but the very young with a complete disregard for future foot problems. n Models for the Juicy Couture collections are so spread-eagled across the magazine pages, it is hard to tell what they are wearing. n All models, however, carry a huge designer handbag, usually held in front of them like a weapon or perhaps, a shield. You could certainly deal a fatal blow to any would-be pickpocket, judging by the heft of most of them. (A recent news article detailed one inventive New York pickpocket who visited fashionable watering holes in his wheelchair; handily lifting expensive handbags stored under the bar and on restaurant chairs.) n Ralph Lauren is in Russian mode, with elegant ball gowns featured with traditional Cossack fur hats. Did he foresee, perchance, Putin’s renewed popularity? n Exotic feathers and even more glitzy jewelry, vests and jeans studded with grommets, as well as colorful, patterned furs, all shout expensive excess. Skirt lengths are either very short or long with side splits to show lots of leg. Still in evidence are ankle socks worn with pumps; a look I still think is awful, even for the very young. n There are also little print-covered baby-doll dresses ... .a look you can duplicate if you happen to still possess any old, vibrantly colorful housecoats, preferably a bit too snug and short.n Many advertised items say, “Price upon request” which translated means, if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. This is the height of snootiness and exclusivity, especially today when the top 1 percent of the population earns 20 percent of the income. There is tremendous pressure on the middle class to purchase luxurious items, but what you buy should not determine your sense of self. Unfortunately, many young people have not yet absorbed that lesson.n I can’t even begin to touch on the men’s collections in this column; suffice to say, the male models all look like underfed teenagers with permanently clenched teeth. As for me, my fall fashion plans are to pull out former dependables, maybe add a new jacket or colorful cashmere sweater, succumb to a glitzy pin at a church bazaar and viola! I’m all set for whatever my calendar calls for. How about you?


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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