Well, snap my straps; wait till you hear the latest from Jockey

Last week, I was bemoaning the number of “new and improved” contrivances that instead of simplifying life have resulted in techno-stupification; a pitiful condition in which a machine assumes complete control over the human it is supposedly serving.

Not content with confusing us with more complicated machines, the makers of Jockey, the unglamorous, bread-and-butter type underwear, have decided to introduce an entire new range of brassiere sizes. Never mind that for years, movie stars and Miss America have been branded not only by their names, but by their bra size as well. Magazines reported on who was a 36-23-36 and, of course, Dolly Parton was known for her ample bra size as well as her voice.

Victoria’s Secret made sexy lingerie and cleavage for all, perfectly acceptable.

However, sizes remained the same. A 1-inch difference between the breast at its fullest point, minus the rib cage equals an A cup, a 2-inch difference, a B cup, etc.

Jockey researchers scanned almost 1,000 women, studying breast shapes and other measurements of a woman’s torso and have come up with 10 cup sizes; not just bigger sizes, but different shapes, as well.

In order to be fitted, one would assume you would need the help of an experienced “bra fitter” in the privacy of a dressing room in a department store. Wrong!

The bras, which cost $60, will only be sold online. To find your fit, you also purchase a kit with 10 plastic cups in varying shapes, along with a measuring tape. The kit, incidentally, costs an additional $19.95. Someone with a 36-inch rib cage, but pointed breasts might be a 5-36 for example.

Frankly, I wish they would make women’s clothing sizes more standardized and simpler rather than add new complexities to the buying process.

And plastic cups!!! Sounds uncomfortably similar to that annual breast exam we all hate. Although the newspapers are filled with expensive watches to give Dad this Father’s Day, I think Jockey should treat the sexes fairly, and develop a $60 man’s brief, also with a range of cup sizes. That way, any politician, wishing to impress women on Twitter or Facebook, need only to send his Jockey measurements; no photos required.

If you’ll excuse the pun, I think Jockey’s expensive, new idea will prove a bust.

If Dad already has a watch and you would rather treat the entire family to a memorable outing, I highly recommend the current Goodspeed production, “Good News.” Filled with wonderful old songs like “The Best Things in Life Are Free,” “You’re The Cream in My Coffee” and “Life is Just a Bowl of Cherries,” and performed by a talented and energetic cast that had the entire theater stomping in time, it’s a wonderful treat for everyone.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net.

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'New and improved' gadgets not always the best choice

Malcolm Gladwell, in his popular new book “The Tipping Point,” claims there is a “moment of critical mass,” “a boiling point” that causes things to happen, to take off, become popular and successful.

It has occurred to me lately, when I have taken the opportunity to replace several older pieces of equipment, that there is another kind of tipping point.

That is the point beyond which so called improvements become liabilities — at least for that segment of the population without “technocrat” degrees. Since many of my home office machines were of an advanced age, I felt it made sense to upgrade for my new home office.
I was accustomed to and dependent upon my 13-year-old Panasonic answering/fax machine. Disappointed that Staples no longer carried it, I called Panasonic and after finally reaching a live person, was able to order the new, improved version.

When it arrived, not only was the new, improved version twice as large, it now also featured a printer, a scanner and additional features I did not need. I was not able to figure out the most important function for me — answering my phone when I am not at home — as there were no printed instructions; only a computer disc, and my new home computer is not yet set up.

I am using my old computer at the office. Once I have the new computer set up and master all its various, new idiosyncrasies, maybe I will be able to play the answering machine disc and figure out how that works.

Although I do appreciate some of the new features on my recently purchased Honda CRV, I miss all the wonderful tapes I can no longer play. I loved driving along to Judy Garland in concert at the Palace or joining Old Blue Eyes in singing “Come Fly with Me.”

By the time I am able to replace them or convert them, undoubtedly something new and improved will be in vogue. I also had taped many interesting television specials; now, only my old television is capable of replaying them.

Even something as seemingly simple as finding a favorite food at the supermarket can present a challenge. The peanut butter I have loved since childhood has been “fortified and improved,” plain bottled water is newly presented as a “power-packed energy drink.” And while manufacturers may think we haven’t noticed, it is obvious: We are paying more for reduced sizes of most foods.

Most of all, this constant “improving” leaves me feeling incompetent and even a bit helpless at times, a feeling I resent and reject. Our generation needs to feel valued and revered; aging is hard enough without the added insult of having to turn for help to some pre-puberty smart aleck.

Perhaps thinking about “new and improved” and how fast the world seems to be changing made me nostalgic for a different age, but finally I did get to visit the Yale Center for British Art and its “Edwardian Opulence: British Art at the Dawn of the Twentieth Century” exhibit. What a fabulous collection of paintings, ball gowns, jewelry and accessories from the early 1900s.

The collection and presentation would do credit to a major New York City museum. I apologize that I did not get to the exhibit sooner in order to alert and encourage readers to go. Your last chance is today from noon to 5 p.m. Try to go; I promise, it is most worthwhile.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Giving good advice and following it are two separate issues

As I approach the final days before my move, when all about me is no longer in its usual place and I am beginning to feel like a displaced person. I am trying to do what I remind the clients whom I help to move to do, and that is to take short, calming breaks; a walk; read an interesting brief article; go out for a quick meal — any change of scene that will relieve the stress and help you remain calm.

This is vitally important because we know that after death and divorce, making a move is one of the biggest stress producers. Chronic stress exposes the body to stress hormones that narrow the blood vessels and ramp up blood pressure, increasing the risk of stroke.

Research in Denmark found that people who reported feeling highly stressed had an 89 percent higher risk of dying after a stroke than those who reported feeling little stress.

Experts suggest some of the following ways to manage your emotions and avoid stress:

-Be aware of your feelings. Pay attention to what gets you upset and what calms you down.

-Take an aforementioned break. Flying off the handle never helps. Take time out to meditate or do something physical.

-Get some perspective. How important is this situation? Are your reactions over the top? If someone else is having a “bad day,” refuse to let it affect yours.

-Analyze the situation. Think about what is really bothering you and why. You don’t have to bottle up your feelings, but you need to express them appropriately.

-Get help if you need it. Counseling or talking with a friend can help. (For me, this has meant saying “yes” to friends’ offers of help in packing.)

I have very much missed my exercise swim class these past weeks, but balancing my work and a move just didn’t leave time for that as well. Anyway, you get ample exercise cleaning out closets, dresser drawers, the basement and by packing boxes.

Of course, we all know that sleep is the brain’s restorative. I guarantee that if you are doing any of the getting-ready-to-move activities, you will fall asleep the minute your head hits the pillow and sometimes, unintentionally, even before that. What you may not know is that while you are slumbering peacefully, your brain is busy consolidating new memories, practicing skills and even working on solutions to your problems.

Unless you have enough sleep, concentration, planning, problem solving, reaction time and even IQ suffer. A person who has been awake for 21 hours is said to function as poorly as someone who is legally drunk. (However, I have been known to remark to friends that the best way to make quick decisions about what to get rid of when moving is in that carefree, nothing-really-matters state that complete inebriation produces.)

These next weeks, as I live out of a suitcase during a complete kitchen renovation in my new “digs,” I will let you know if I am successful at following my own advice. Life has come full circle, and I’m going back to the way I started out ... Ready or not, apartment living, here I come!

P.S. Many thanks to so many friends and pet lovers who responded when I wrote about the need to find new homes for my two cats. Sue Wharfe of The Shoreline Village Association has been helpful, but I still need to find a home for my remaining cat, Ginger.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net.

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CleanBirth.org kits save lives of women & children in Laos

Every once in awhile, I meet someone whose life is so dedicated to helping others, I am left in awe of their unselfish determination to make a difference. Almost four years ago, I met and wrote about Madison resident Martha Hoffman who started Call to Care Uganda that to date, through her fundraising efforts, has provided money and resources for much-needed wells and schools in several villages.

Recently, it was a special privilege to meet and get to know a similarly unique woman, Kristyn Zalota who is passionate about preventing the needless deaths of mothers and babies in Laos by training village nurses and providing simple, inexpensive birthing supplies as well as educating pregnant women.

Kristyn grew up in Cromwell and graduated from Yale with a master’s in international relations and a focus on Russia. Fluent in Russian, she traveled to foreign centers doing analysis of the political and economic climate. With her expertise, she could have had high-paying positions with the government or industry. Instead, while in Russia, she met her husband to be, Maxim, a computer scientist who had attended college in Michigan, and they both decided to volunteer to serve as teachers in Thailand.

During their teaching contract, they also were able to travel to Laos and were devastated by the poverty and the many orphaned children they saw there. Settling in England where her husband received his MBA at Oxford and Kristyn had a baby, they then came back to Connecticut where Maxim started a small software company.

However, Kristyn could not forget the many orphaned children she had seen in Laos. They were left motherless because so many women were needlessly dying in childbirth. In fact, infant and maternal mortality rates in Laos are among the world’s highest. From 2008 to 2011, Kristyn worked with Burmese, Cambodian and Ugandan women, and then, in 2012, she partnered with Our Village Association.

In some remote areas of Laos, women even give birth alone in the forest. The simple clean birth kits and training provided has been recommended by the United Nations. The sterile kits contain a padded sheet for comfort and easy clean-up, a clean cord-cutting implement for clean cord-tying, medicated soap and a sterile surgical blade and cord clips, a biodegradable bag as well as pictorial instruction.

In training, the six cleans are stressed: clean hands, clean perineum, clean delivery surface, clean cord-cutting implement, clean cord-tying and clean cord care. CleanBirth.org recognizes the critical importance that the nurses they train, who share the same culture and religion as their patients, take ownership of the project.

When you learn that worldwide, one mother dies every 90 seconds from pregnancy and birth-related complications, and that 80 percent of those deaths are preventable, you realize how essential this work is. A donation of only $5 buys one of the birthing kits. A $10 donation makes a perfect gift for Mother’s Day or a baby shower. The recipient is gifted with a beautiful card showing a photograph of a Laotian mother and child and is inscribed with these words, “You have been given a gift that saves lives and makes birth safe for mothers and babies in Laos.” Cards may be ordered on line from CleanBirth.org.

Meet Kristyn Zalota at a CleanBirth.org fundraiser from 6-9 p.m. May 4 in the Eli Whitney Museum Barn, 915 Whitney Ave., Hamden. Appetizers and wine will be served, and there is a silent auction. Zalota says the goal is to raise enough to train 16 nurses, and a 2½-minute film, “$5 Saves 2 Lives in Laos,” will illustrate CleanBirth.org’s work. Suggested donation is $20. Info at 860-391-9159 or kzalota@yahoo.com.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net.

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