Jean Cherni: Senior Moments, Thoughts on Libya

Of the many distressing items in last week’s news, one of the most upsetting to me was the attack on our embassy in Libya and the death of a uniquely caring and qualified ambassador, Christopher Stevens.

This young man, fluent in Arabic, often put himself in harm’s way in an effort to be part of the culture and readily available to the general populace in Egypt.

Although restless youth in Egypt need little excuse to pillage and attack, the hate-mongering, American-made, on-line video mocking the Prophet Muhammad, added instant fuel to the fire. When such a video, almost instantaneously is translated into many languages and disbursed around the world, one has to wonder whether freedom of speech is being misused and there is complete unaccountability between one individual’s actions and the results it can incur.

I recall the uproar caused here a few years ago by an artist’s rendering of the cross in a toilet, and, although the artist said no disrespect was intended, that he was describing what had happened to Christian values, the museum was forced to remove the painting because it offended so many.

Since there is already so much misunderstanding and animosity toward Western powers on one hand, and lack of knowledge and suspicion of Muslims by us, is it any wonder that instead of trying to comprehend why this happened and how our foreign policy must change in order to even begin to bridge the cultural divide, instead there was a round of finger pointing and accusations as to who should have apologized first or not at all.

Almost unnoticed in the uproar was the fact that in Saudi Arabia, where no protests were reported, the Grand Mufti, one of the highest religious authorities, denounced the attacks and said, “It is forbidden to punish the innocent for the wicked crimes of the guilty.”

In Tunis, where protestors also attacked the U.S. Embassy, the moderate Islamist party governing the country warned that such violence threatens the country’s progress toward democracy after decades of dictatorship.

Professor Alon Ben-Meir, an expert on Middle East politics who has written seven books related to Middle East affairs and has specialized in peace negotiations between Israel and Arab states, claims the West has supported Arab despots that oppressed people and suppressed individual liberty and imitative. The West also for decades exploited Arab resources.

The Arabs, says Ben-Meir, are quick to point out Western corruption, while many of their governments are notorious for robbing their nation’s wealth. They accuse the West of being morally decadent, but will go to great lengths to live in Western society. But, regardless of how each side views the other, both the Arab and Western people and governments will need to cooperate. Globalization and national security make such cooperation imperative.

Unfortunately, religious fanatics and ideological zealots on both sides will fan hatreds. Ben-Meir cautions that the Arab Spring is a long, evolutionary process punctuated with violence between domestic groups vying for power. He feels that U.S. economic assistance must be given on condition that they are channeled toward sustainable development projects that empower the people and enhance the quality of life of ordinary men and women. Is it possible for us to try to learn from tragedies like this, rather than see which American political party can hate the most?

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

Mother Jean dispenses sane fashion advice for fall 2012

expensive, and W magazine and the Style section of The New York Times too outrageous, Mother Jean gives her annual fashion advice for fall 2012.

-Shop your closet: The possibilities are strong that what you already have, accessorized with a fall color such as burnt almond, leaf green or coral, will look just as good as what the stores are showing. One of the newer cropped jackets can team up with many pairs of your existing slacks, or a new scarf can revive an old cashmere sweater.

While fashion pundits now advise us that the “no white after Labor Day” rule is a thing of the past, I do think that white jeans or a polyester blend paired with a autumn-colored sweater or blouse looks fine, but lightweight white cotton or florals should now be banished to the basement or attic till next year.

-Put away the shorts: When it is really hot, they are a practical choice, but let’s face it, many of us (other than the bobbies in Bermuda) don’t look that great in shorts. Also, put away the flip-flops and sandals. It is time for real shoes or at least, darker colored, strap walking shoes.

-Accessories make the outfit: Early in my career, I was responsible for accessorizing the clothes chosen for fashion publicity photos. I learned that a well-chosen pin, scarf or blouse can add spice to a simple suit or dress. My own favorite accessory is a good-looking or unusual handbag, and I admit to owning quite a few.

For ladies “of a certain age” whose size, like mine, dictates that they can’t wear extreme fashion and whose budget and feet require they remain comfortably conservative, a unique, statement-making handbag can bring zing to an otherwise simple outfit.

T.J. Maxx always has a wonderful selection, and end-of-the-season sales at the Clinton Outlet can “bag” you a bargain.

-True elegance is wearing what becomes you: This season or any season, knowing what looks good on you and wearing it with your own personal flair, is what fashion is all about. Boots and leggings may be “in” and look great on slender, twentysomethings, but they can look ridiculous on a mature woman. If purple is this season’s color, but it makes you look as though you just left Yale-New Haven Hospital, don’t wear it.

Sleeveless styles are out unless you have arms like Michele Obama, and I’ve yet to see a woman who can walk gracefully while wearing stiletto heels.

-Take a good look in the mirror: Before leaving the house. Often you may have added one accessory too many or you will see a view from the rear that surprises you.

Then, when all seems right, smile and give yourself a compliment. Feeling good about yourself is a great way to start any day.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

Sadly, some of our well-off friends are not very well off

Last week, I visited a friend of many years who had recently moved into a beautiful and very posh continuing-care community near Princeton, N.J. Although we both started out as young mothers of modest means who lived across the hall from one another in Chicago, Dori has ended up in financial circumstances which far exceed mine.

We both lost our husbands recently, as well, but although I, too, must make a move (in my case to something much smaller and less expensive), my friend can’t comprehend how I greet each day with enthusiasm while she wishes she had not moved from her large, somewhat isolated home and has difficulty finding much joy in living despite helpful children nearby and an adorable new granddaughter.

She has trouble understanding how, with a greatly reduced income to manage on, I remain positive and fairly content. I told her that although I certainly am not looking forward to making a move from my delightful home at the Ponds, I have been fortunate to have enjoyed it with Val for more than 20 years. And as a reminder to myself to count my blessings, I have on the refrigerator, a clipping of a woman with a tear-stained face, looking at the devastated remains of what once was her home before the recent floods in New Orleans. Now, that’s trouble!

I also have always had a somewhat casual attitude toward finances, disliking strict budgets and operating with an intuitive feeling of about how much to spend (probably the reason I haven’t accumulated a big bank balance). However, over time, I have learned where to spend my income to produce the greatest return. First, you must learn to recognize what things are really important to your happiness; not an easy task when we are constantly bombarded with others telling us what we are supposed to desire.

I have learned that in order to frequent some upscale restaurants I enjoy, I must shop like a demon at the supermarket, challenging myself to find the best for less. I really love the theater, but even going to previews and searching for half-price tickets on line, it is still a big-budget item, so I go to very few movies, renting the ones I truly want to see from the library or Netflex. Since there doesn’t seem to be much that I enjoy on television, I am making do with a perfectly adequate older set forgoing the large, flat, plasma screen all my neighbors own.

Travel, especially to exotic places is a passion for me, so I save for trips by driving a 10-year-old car that may not have all the bells and whistles, but which no longer requires collision insurance and still gets me safely where I am going. If a new car or television is what makes you happy, then you should spend your money differently than I do.

Of course, we all have basic needs that must be met. But beyond those, I think happiness lies in how we decide to spend the remainder. The more it can be on things or experiences we truly love and enjoy, the greater the satisfaction.

Pinch pennies on the “must haves,” but splurge if you can, on those things that add zest to your life. My New Jersey friend is surrounded by luxury, but is finding very little in life to be pleasurable. I hope that changes for her ... to live without savoring every moment is such a terrible waste.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

Johnson & Johnson leads way in removing harmful chemicals from daily products

Recently, I wrote a column in what I hope was a humorous tone, criticizing the trillion-dollar cosmetics industry. Since then, a news item came to my attention in regard to the use of some ingredients in beauty and household products that could potentially be dangerous.

This column, therefore, is completely of a serious nature. The news item was an announcement by Johnson & Johnson, makers of a wide range of personal and baby products, to remove many potentially harmful chemicals, like formaldehyde, from its line of consumer products by the end of 2015, becoming the first major consumer products company to make such a widespread commitment.

This unusual step is a result of a very lively public discussion going on about the safety of ingredients in personal care products. On average, women use 12 products containing 168 ingredients every day, men use six products with 85 ingredients, and children are exposed to products with 61 ingredients, daily.

What??? You thought the government was checking on the safety of these products?
Unfortunately, cosmetics are unregulated and are often made from poorly tested chemicals. The Food and Drug Administration can’t require safety tests or even recall harmful products, and manufacturers are not required to report cosmetics-related injuries to the agency.

In my opinion, this needs to change!

According to the Environmental Working Group website, more than 500 products sold in the United States contain ingredients banned in cosmetics in Japan, Canada or Europe.

I was also disturbed to learn that “dermatologist tested,” “gentle and natural” and even “organic” can just be advertising hype. “Fragrance” is a term that cosmetics, cleaning and candle industries use on an ingredients list that discloses only that there are unnamed chemicals in the product.

We are not just talking about cosmetics, but about shampoo, toothpaste, soap, deodorant, hair conditioner, sunscreen, body lotion and shaving products and room sprays.

Lisa Archer, director of the Campaign for Safe Cosmetics, said her group would continue to press other cosmetics and consumer-goods companies to follow Johnson & Johnson’s lead, including Estee Lauder Companies, Proctor & Gamble, Avon and L’Oreal.  

Estee Lauder stated that it adheres to stringent safety standards for all of its products, and P&G said the company communicates openly with consumers about the ingredients it uses.

Meanwhile, Johnson & Johnson’s admirable decision requires the company to walk a tightrope, showing itself willing to make extensive changes while still reassuring consumers that its existing products are safe. The company calls its new policy, “moving beyond safety.”

Meanwhile, for an exhaustive list of products and their content, you can go to ewg.org/skindeep, or keep the following information from their “Quick Tips for Safer Cosmetics”.

-Your Teeth: No triclosan in toothpaste.

-Your Lips: No retinyl palmitate.

-Your Hair: No fragrance, PEG, ceteareth and polyethylene. No parabens: propyl isopropyl, butyl, isobutyl. No DMDM hydantoin.

-Your Nails: No formaldehyde or formalin in polish or other nail products. No toluene, dibutyl phthalate, a.k.a. DBP.

“The most beautiful makeup of a woman is passion. But cosmetics are easier to buy.” — Yves Saint Laurent

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.