Remembering the guys who gave us so much

We remember our mothers several times each year: Mother’s Day, of course, Easter, Valentine’s Day and on her birthday. Somehow, Dad is either forgotten or perhaps, just taken for granted. Then, suddenly it’s Father’s Day and what to buy for good old Dad to show that although most of the year he’s definitely in the background in the family order of things, you really do think he’s pretty terrific.

Would a new tie send the right message? While many men depend on the fair sex to select their ties, in many companies nowadays, open-necked shirts or even sports shirts are the uniform, so I think ties as a gift are definitely passé. As to cuff links, they are now only worn on the most formal of occasions and Dad already has plenty of key chains, wallets, cologne and travel alarm clocks. Socks and underwear ... now really ... for a gift?

Which leaves taking him to dinner or a show, tickets to his favorite sporting event or perhaps the latest electronic device (if you know his taste and Dad’s capabilities with doodads). Dads are notoriously difficult to buy for; maybe that’s why they remain quietly forgotten.

We are, after all, a nation of consumers and we celebrate all holidays and occasions by purchasing something, often for ourselves as well as the person or occasion being celebrated.

Additionally, fathers are no longer the undisputed head of the household. In the delightful play, “Life with Father” everything revolved around the father, Clarence Day, and any variance from his absolute word was done via good-natured ploys and schemes behind his back by the rest of the family.

In times past, father was the sole breadwinner and thus the sole authority. Women’s presence and success in the workforce has definitely shifted that balance of power. It is worth noting that our current and a recent president were both raised by single mothers. There is no question, however, that family stability and good family dynamics are greatly enhanced by the presence of a stable, caring father.

As an only child, I was included in the activities of grown-ups at a very young age. My father had only a few rules, but those were definite and inflexible. The most important life lesson he conveyed to me was to never judge a person by their wealth, education, color of their skin, religion or their sex.

He felt that as a girl or a woman, I could do anything. I recall how angry he became and how he risked his own job with the phone company by supporting the women who went on strike at the company because they were denied many of the positions reserved for “family men.”

So to you Dads who (despite this column) are gifted with an awful floral tie or cologne that smells like old rubber tires, or feel forgotten this Father’s Day, keep on with the difficult job of being a father.

Years later, things that you said, or most especially, things that you did, will bear fruit. I may have sometimes forgotten Dad on this, his day, but his influence which came from the kind of person he was, has remained with me, every day of my life.

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