Give Henry S. Miller’s ‘The Serious Pursuit of Happiness’ calendar a try

There is something about the start of a new year that makes us want to do better; we make resolutions to improve, to work harder, exercise more, be neater and eat less. Henry S. Miller’s “The Serious Pursuit of Happiness” suggests that instead of resolutions, we amp up our happiness each and every month by creating a “happiness calendar,” which focuses on 12 strategies that, if added to your life, will increase feelings of lasting positive emotions. Here, briefly, are some of the suggestions:


January: A Month of Hope and Plans —Write one small positive goal each morning of each day of January and a plan to make it a reality.


February: A Month of Gratitude — The best antidote to greed, envy and jealousy. We feel much happier when we are grateful for what we have, rather than envious of what we don’t. Each night, write down three things for which you are grateful: your relationships, work, family, etc.


March: Month of Kindness — Find one opportunity each day to perform some act of kindness for someone else; no matter how small, and then enjoy the feeling that you have made a difference in that person’s day.


April: A Month of Optimism — Be conscious of negative thoughts. When they occur, replace them with something positive. Develop the strategy of seeing the glass as “half full” and expecting your actions will bring good outcomes.


May: A Month of Friendships — Close relationships are known to be one of the best happiness-inducing strategies. Reach out to friends and arrange to spend time: a walk, coffee, etc., but make it a face-to-face time.


June: Month of Love — Call or write someone you love and tell them how much they mean to you.


July: A Month of Spirituality — Whether it is your own secular belief, your own private faith or an organized religion, recognize and benefit from these feelings.


August: Month of Health and Fitness — Summer is a good time to focus on health and fitness and to begin some daily regimen, even if it is just walking. Are you conscious of eating well and getting enough sleep?


September: A Month of Contribution — How can you make a positive difference in the world? What are you contributing that will last after you have gone, even if it is just planting a tree that eventually will provide shade for someone else.


October: Month of Savoring — Take the time to appreciate and enjoy the beauty of the fall colors; your daily meals, the faces of children at play… all the many things we so often take for granted.


November: A Month of Forgiveness — Are you holding lingering resentments? Write a forgiveness letter, even if you decide not to send it. Retaining anger only hurts yourself.


December: Month of Generosity — The true spirit of the season lies in the giving of our time and our financial help to those in need.


Let us welcome the promise of the New Year. Even if we accomplish only some of the suggestions in the happiness calendar, we will have increased our own happiness as well as those around us; multiplied by many people, that is no small accomplishment in making the world a better place for us all.


In ending this final column of 2013, I would like to express my gratitude for the many readers who contributed to my happiness by sharing their thoughts in their many e mails and letters. Hugs to all of you and a safe and Happy New Year to everyone.


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Give Henry S. Miller’s ‘The Serious Pursuit of Happiness’ calendar a try

Cherished Christmas memories twinkle like so many lights on the tree

Even though my small family is no longer able to be together for the holiday, there are a few special rituals that I still embrace which makes the time special for me. I always watch the “Nutcracker” ballet on television, sometimes both the New York City as well as the London production.


I never miss seeing Dickens “A Christmas Carol,” and Alistair Sim is still my favorite Scrooge. I try to get to New York to see “the tree,” which despite the crowds always looks like something out of a storybook; a fanciful, shimmering Christmas symbol, lighting up the night and the colorful skaters on the rink below.


This year, my daughter shared that pleasure with me. Although she only had a few hours on her way to Washington on business, she met me in the city last Monday so we could enjoy the 5th Avenue windows and the Rockefeller Center tree together.


I will make time to spend a quiet afternoon re-reading Truman Capote’s brief and beautiful 27-page “A Christmas Memory,” first published in Mademoiselle magazine when Capote was in his early 30s. This story of young Buddy and his surrogate mother, cousin Sook, preparing for Christmas in a poor, rural, Alabama town, is for me, one of the most meaningful and beautiful Christmas stories ever written.


This year was probably the last of a 20-year custom Val and I enjoyed, the Christmas gathering of all the owners at the Ponds condominium … my former residence in Branford. Mark and Karen Esposito, this year’s hosts, were so thoughtful to invite me to join the group and have a chance to be with and enjoy all my special former neighbors.


I shall also make a call to my longtime Japanese friend Nobu in Yokohama. While Christmas is not a religious holiday in many foreign countries, it has become an almost universal holiday. The Japanese love the glitter and glitz of Christmas, although their traditional big celebration occurs at New Year, and everyone sends good luck New Year’s cards to all their friends. It is also a time to remember and honor all your ancestors as well as pay all your debts before the year’s end.


In England, the day after Christmas, or Boxing Day, is a big holiday. I think the Australians have the right idea; it is their main annual holiday, and so schools are closed for six weeks, and everyone takes a really good vacation.


Wherever you live, in whatever country, if you are among the fortunate who are in good health, love and are loved and are free from hunger and fear, remember to be grateful and to reach out in some small way to those who are not so blessed. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays and above all, Peace.


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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My Thanksgiving trip to Charleston, S.C., almost didn’t happen. Friends were to drive me to Union Station (the new departure point for the Connecticut Limo) which I was taking to go to Bradley Airport. Due to a misunderstanding, they never came to pick me up.

Even though in recent years I’ve simplified my Christmas giving, this year I find Christmas approaching at a pace I’m unable to match. At my present rate of speed, I might just be ready by Valentine’s Day.


When I downsized and moved, I did get rid of much Christmas memorabilia; still there was the small, permanently lit table tree to unpack, the few Annalee dolls and candles and the big Santa that formerly stood by the fireplace. I also bought some red poinsettia plants, and I do enjoy the holiday feeling the apartment now has.


But as yet, I haven’t been to a department store, shopping mall or mailed out one Christmas card. Who were that strange breed of folks who rushed out after Thanksgiving dinner to buy some electronic device on sale? I don’t know of anyone who did that!


I’ve received so many store coupons in the mail, I could wallpaper an entire room with them. No sooner did “Black Friday” expire, than “Friends and Family” arrived, followed by “Early Bird Specials,” close on the heels of “Blowout Sales,” which if you missed, you could still get to “Senior Day Monday.”


I could almost feel guilty for not heeding any of these urgent calls to buy, buy, buy, except that personally I feel saddened by the tendency to turn Christmas into a shopping orgy rather than a holiday with deep spiritual roots meant to gladden everyone’s heart. Where I have spent time so far, is in seeing and being with business associates and friends at various gatherings and events.


Special holiday lunches and dinners give us a chance to renew acquaintances as well as review accomplishments of the past year. My work and the many organizations to which I belong are dedicated to informing or helping seniors, and the chance to review those efforts and make plans for new ones is very rewarding.


There are so many wonderful plays, concerts, exhibits and other activities in the New Haven area and on the Shoreline that we all can enjoy if we can simplify some of the unnecessary obligations we have come to accept as part of Christmas. Although I enjoy fanciful and creative gift wrapping, this year, I am saving time by using simple gift bags for most presents. Topped with colorful tissue paper, they look pretty, are easy for me and for the recipient.


In addition to giving gift cards to restaurants or the theater, I like to shop locally; church bazaars and the Guilford Art Center always have unique and useful gifts. Even with all the above-mentioned shortcuts, I know I will run out of time so apologies in advance, if I don’t respond to your email or letter until well after the holidays.


Also know, dear reader, that I wish you joyful, stress-free days in happy anticipation of the holiday time to come. Meanwhile, Santa dear, could you slow down the reindeer, just a little bit ... Please?


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: My Thanksgiving trip to Charleston, S.C., almost didn’t happen. Friends were to drive me to Union Station (the new departure point for the Connecticut Limo) which I was taking to go to Bradley Airport. Due to a misunderstanding, they never came to pick me up.

A cousin in Charleston, S.C., showed off her fine city

My Thanksgiving trip to Charleston, S.C., almost didn’t happen. Friends were to drive me to Union Station (the new departure point for the Connecticut Limo) which I was taking to go to Bradley Airport. Due to a misunderstanding, they never came to pick me up.


Waiting outside my apartment building and frantically trying to reach them by phone, I was just about out of time when help appeared in the form of my neighbors, Vera and John DePalma ,leaving to do errands. Instead, sensing my frantic state of mind, they threw my bags into their car and drove me to New Haven, just in time to make the limo.


I had obtained my limo reservation, airline ticket, boarding pass and even paid in advance for my luggage, all by computer because unless you are flying first class, help is no longer available at the airport, and there are no longer any “niceties” like pillows or food service during your flight.


Finally, arriving in Charleston, where my cousin Faith and her husband, Gary, met me, I was surprised to see cabbage palmetto trees; I didn’t realize they existed that far north.


Charleston itself, which I toured the next day via horse-drawn carriage, is indeed a charming city with block after block of elegant old homes as well as a downtown shopping area featuring all the latest upscale brands plus a several block-long covered arcade known as the Marketplace where artisans sell unique, handcrafted sweetgrass baskets, one of the oldest forms of African art, alongside costume jewelry, scarves and other souvenirs.


Charleston is now the only place in America where the craft is still practiced. Originally used to collect and store vegetables, the baskets come in an amazing variety of shapes and sizes with larger more complicated ones commanding prices of almost $1,000. Since I am a basket devotee and already have a collection from different foreign countries on my kitchen walls, I succumbed to a small, simple one as my remembrance of Charleston.


As you walk or drive through the city, ornate and beautiful ironwork gates and fences can be admired everywhere. On a portion of East Bay Street, 13 historic houses known as Rainbow Row have been painted in different pastel colors. Also evident on many of the buildings are the metal rods used to strengthen the floor joists of homes that had been damaged in the 1886 earthquake.


Time did not permit a visit to either Fort Sumter where the first shots of the Civil War were fired, or to one of the many plantation homes, especially beautiful, I was told, in the spring. I did, however, visit Charleston’s two major museums, the Gibbes Museum of Art, which had a small, disappointing collection, and the far superior Charleston Museum, founded in 1773 and the country’s oldest museum.


Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without lots of food, and in addition to a large gathering with neighbors on the holiday itself, we ate out quite often. I tried she crab soup (delicious), hominy grits (like a watery rice pudding) crab cakes and spicy shrimp (both delicious). My cousins live on James Island, across a causeway and about 15 minutes from downtown.


While their home faces a lovely small man-made lake, James Island itself, like others in the area, offer beach-front living and wonderful water views, very much like the waterfront areas of our Connecticut shoreline towns. The new homes there, however, are all built with no basements, but long stairways leading to the front door and then once inside, there is a “Tara-like” entryway with another long staircase leading to the upstairs.


Many out-of-town, younger retirees have settled here, but I predict a huge exodus when they all reach their 80s, some 20 years from now. Meanwhile, y’all take care till next Sunday when we can visit together again.


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: A cousin in Charleston, S.C., showed off her fine city

‘Spectacular’ aptly describes exhibits at The Metropolitan Museum of Art

At present, with extended walking both painful and difficult, I carefully weigh the effort involved in any activity against the anticipated gain. Although I came home exhausted after the trip, a recent visit and day spent at The Metropolitan Museum in New York provided enough beauty and excitement to make up for all the discomfort.


If you are planning a Christmas trip into the city, skip a few store windows and spend time with several current treasures, now on view at the museum. First, for lovers of breathtaking fabrics and textiles, “Interwoven Globe: The Worldwide Textile Trade, 1500–1800” is a feast for the eyes of fabrics, embroideries, textiles, woven, dyed and printed, from all over the world. From wall hangings to garments and quilts, tapestries and capes, kimonos and religious vestments, the collection is almost overwhelming in scope and beauty.


It is interesting to see how, as trade with the Far East evolved and wealthy Europeans sought out exotic fabrics for their homes and personal wardrobes, artisans in China, India and Japan adapted their skills to Western tastes. The exhibit runs through Jan. 5.


A second, much smaller, but also delightful exhibit, features objects from one of the world’s longest-running dynasties (57 B.C-.935 A.D.), dominating the Korean peninsula, “Silla”, Korea’s golden kingdom, is something most of us have never heard about; until now, there had been no major exhibit of this kingdom’s art in the West.


Excavated from royal tombs, glittering gold jewelry and pottery is dazzling. A queen’s crown in the form of a gold headband with attached, branch-like elements made of thin, gold sheets encrusted with small oval pieces of jade, is a stunner. Two remarkable bodhisattva are featured; one a 3-foot high sculpture in gilded bronze is serenely beautiful, the other toward the end of the exhibit, is in a room of its own, a massive cast-iron Buddha, that surprises you with its size and power.


The Silla exhibit is on view until Feb. 2. As I walked through the museum after lunch, I spied several workers on movable, electric conveyances, putting up the famous Christmas tree. I never knew that it comes in labeled sections, like a crossword puzzle. The tree features more than 200 elaborate Neapolitan creche figures.


After resting on one of the infrequent benches, I made a final stop before departing for Grand Central Station at a delightful exhibit of Venetian glass on the ground floor. Featuring more than 300 works by Carlo Scarpa, a young Venetian architect who created designs for the Venini Co., using innovative new techniques, the exhibit includes large colorful pieces as well as small works of cobweb-like delicacy.


There was not enough time to revisit the outstanding new, Islamic galleries (which I have previously visited twice). I can’t seem to get my fill of this beautiful collection; and if you have not previously seen these galleries, you absolutely must include them.


Arriving home after the lengthy train trip, I literally fell into bed, a worn out sightseer, but with enough beautiful memory pictures to keep me happy for some time.


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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Branford columnist remembers JFK’s death like it was yesterday

So much has been written, spoken and televised this past week about the 50th anniversary of JFK’s assassination and death, that I hesitate to attempt to add to the far more profound and able writers on the subject, and yet somehow I cannot allow the event to pass without making my own small observation.


It is only my senior age group that retains a vivid memory of that day. My sons were too small and have vague recollections while my daughter was not yet born.


The memory is as vivid as if it were yesterday; and yet 50 years ago, my life and the life of this country were so vastly different than they are today. We had just returned from living in Japan for an extended period and had barely settled into an apartment in Peter Cooper Village, a large complex in New York City.


I was on my way to pick up my boys from school and bring them home for lunch, and I had stopped first at the laundromat on First Avenue to drop off some small rugs. As I emerged from there, my eye caught a woman standing on the sidewalk, tears streaming down her face, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Concerned, I went over and put my hand on her arm and asked if I could help her.


“Haven’t you heard?” she replied, “The president has been shot.” We hugged, and then I walked the remaining block to the school where they were dismissing all the children, for the day.


We went home to remain glued to the radio and the television and soon learned the unthinkable; our young, charismatic president, so vital, so full of promise, was dead. Returning to one’s country, after a period of living abroad, is always something of a cultural shock in that you see both its faults and strengths in a new light. I could not perceive of how the country had changed so that this horrific event could possibly take place; and in the days that followed with the additional killings of Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert Kennedy, I came to realize the change was a permanent one.


Later, we would learn of the cruel set of circumstances that conspired to make history that day: Oswald’s recent job at the Texas School Book Depository, the motorcade taking a route passing directly by and finally, the overcast Texas skies clearing so that a decision was made to remove the bubble over the presidential limo.


Television, still a relatively new medium, brought the sorrowful pageantry of the funeral into our homes. Who can forget the riderless horse, Jackie’s grief-stricken face behind her veil and little John-John’s goodbye salute as the casket went by?


Historians have now revealed many unflattering personal facts about President Kennedy as well as determined that his accomplishments were mediocre. Perhaps, it really doesn’t matter. What is gone for good is a certain innocence we all had at that time; a wonderful, if unrealistic belief in ourselves and our country; the vision of America as a Camelot, died along with President Kennedy.


Certainly, we have made tremendous progress in many areas: women and minorities holding positions of power, unthinkable 50 years ago, and that is much to be admired and commended, but just as small children lose a lovely naivete when they learn that there are no fairies or Santa Claus, so too, did Americans lose a certain vision of ourselves and our country that I fear will never return.


Jean Cherni writes a column for the Sunday Register. Contact her, a certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Branford columnist remembers JFK’s death like it was yesterday

Sitting in on Yale’s Claude D. Pepper Center Symposium on aging

Every year the Yale School of Medicine hosts the Claude D. Pepper Center Symposium which features outstanding speakers who present on a variety of topics related to the latest research on aging.


It is indeed fitting that it is named after Claude Pepper, the former fiery, unabashed liberal senator from Florida who in a 60-year political career was an outspoken champion for the elderly. After a warm welcome from Dr. Thomas Gill, the director of the Pepper Center, U.S. Rep. Rosa DeLauro, who can match Pepper in her fiery defense of issues affecting seniors, addressed the need for funds to continue the important research in issues affecting the elderly since indeed, it affects the social and economic well being of all of us.


Rosa, recently honored as an inductee into the Connecticut Women’s Hall of Fame, is herself a survivor of ovarian cancer, and she gave credit to the continuing research efforts in the cancer field.


All of the five experts who spoke on various subjects were extremely interesting presenters, but I found two of the topics particularly fascinating: “Why Humans Have Friends,” a look at the evolution of lifelong social interactions discussed with a delightful wit by Dr. Nicholas Christakis.


The extensive research on this subject, which included an isolated tribe which has remained unaffected by modern civilization, found that the patterns of forming friendships and the influence those friends exert on us, is the same in every group they studied. Even among animals, the need for social interaction is very strong. We are beginning to fully realize that the way our housing and transportation has developed (away from town centers and natural meeting places) is not at all ideal for an aging population.


Christakis compared our social circles to those of ant colonies and remarked that there is an emotional contagion that definitely occurs; that the, “when a kindness is done for you, pay it forward” theory, really does work. Our friends act as social magnifiers, and we humans need and form, long-term, nonreproductive alliances.


The other topic I found of special interest was Dr. Mary Tinetti’s “Multiple Chronic Conditions in Older Adults” and the need to be sure that the medicines prescribed under those complex circumstances are not causing harm, but are treating what matters most.


Now that we are living longer, more of us will develop multiple conditions, and we need to have a thorough discussion with our primary care physician who is aware of all our medications as to what the best combination of medicines is. Is, for example, our blood pressure medicine increasing the risk of our falling?


Sometimes, it is a trade-off between helping one condition and hurting another. The three important areas of interest to most of the elderly are:


n Remaining as functional as possible


n Being free of symptoms and pain


n Living as long as possible (survival)


Studies found that 42 percent of the participants choose maintaining function as the most important with 32 percent choosing relief from pain and 27 percent, surviving longer. However, since these choices can change with time, it is necessary for doctors and patients to continually talk about these choices.


As an example, I am hoping to find a solution to the hip and ankle pain I am experiencing, but I am not at present, willing to take any medication that might also affect my memory or energy level. All of this relates to an earlier column based on “e-Patient Dave,” who advised us to be fully engaged in our own health care; being a “e patient” meant being empowered, engaged and enabled.


Since the annual cost of Alzheimer’s disease to our country is now almost $215 billion, the next great project for America will be learning the language of the brain. We all need to speak out for additional funding for the National Institute on Aging to be able to continue its invaluable work for all of us.


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Sitting in on Yale’s Claude D. Pepper Center Symposium on aging

When the wind blows, that old arthritis makes even walking a chore

Fall is, without a doubt, my very favorite season of the year. Since I wilt in hot weather, the crisp fall air fills me with new energy, and the colors here in Connecticut are truly breathtaking. But this year, there’s an additional unwelcome symptom, arthritis pain in the hips and in the left ankle I broke many years ago.

Instead of striding forth and being able to enjoy this invigorating weather, I find I am taking careful, mincing steps, holding onto trees, car fenders, chairs and occasionally, even other people; often to their complete surprise. Cortisone shots and Aleve no longer seem to work, so I am about to try advice from the Mayo Clinic, which I will share with any of my readers also experiencing “Fallthritis.”

The basics
Whatever your condition, you will have an easier time staying ahead of your pain if you talk to your doctor about your symptoms, arthritis related or not. Sometimes, seemingly unrelated problems are, in fact, connected.

Ask your doctor for a clear definition of the type of arthritis you have. Find out if any of your joints are already damaged.

While most medications for arthritis relief are relatively safe, no medication is free of side effects. Talk with your doctor to decide what would work best for you.

Everyday routines
Do some gentle exercise in the evening, and you won’t feel as stiff in the morning. When you are basically doing nothing, be sure to adjust position frequently. Change the position of your hands; bend and stretch your legs.

Take breaks so that you don’t overuse a joint.

Exercise
Gentle movement can decrease the pain, improve your range of motion, strengthen muscles and increase endurance. Low-impact aerobic exercise such as walking, cycling or water exercise. (For a number of years, I have been going to the Branford Y for an early morning water exercise class which I love). Of course, exercise along with diet should result in weight reduction which would alleviate stress on the joints. (On this point, I have had a spectacular lack of success.)

Avoid running, jumping, tennis, repetition of movement or complete inactivity.

Rest
Occasional pain may require nothing more than rest. Try application of heat or cold (whichever works best for you). There are even some sports-type rubs and roll-ons that may give quick, if not lasting, relief.

Depression
It is not surprising that depression is more common in people with arthritis. Pain has a negative effect on mood and if everyday activities are difficult, it is bound to be discouraging. If those feelings are constant and escalate, the doctor may recommend anti-depressants or cognitive behavioral therapy to reduce depression and the arthritis pain.

In summary, nothing earth-shattering in any of the above information, but even a small reduction in pain is encouraging. Hopefully, the drug companies are putting time and money into this major problem that affects so many of us as we age.

Meanwhile, if you spot an 80-something lady maneuvering unsteadily down the street, give her a big smile as you move out of the way; it might be me, out to enjoy this beautiful fall weather ... arthritis be dammed.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: When the wind blows, that old arthritis makes even walking a chore

Late-fall fashion choices, holiday planning and New Haven Restaurant Week

Last week saw an end to some of the idyllic Indian summer weather that is one of the delights of living in Connecticut.

Temperatures dropped sufficiently for me to realize it was time to visit Lock Up Self Storage (no longer having a handy basement) and replace the cotton T-shirts with some long-sleeve acrylics and jackets to toss on for early morning or late-evening appointments. Additionally, the other unwelcome signal that winter is definitely approaching is the end of daylight saving time, today. (Did you remember to turn your clock back 1 hour?)

Another important date to remember is Election Day. I have been attending meetings to hear the views of local candidates, and one of the issues of particular interest is the need to replace the outworn, outdated, Canoe Brook Senior Center in Branford with a facility that can inspire the hardworking staff and the continually increasing number of seniors and their families who partake and benefit from its services.(More about this issue in a future column).

Instead of starting my menu planning for Thanksgiving, this is the first Thanksgiving where I will be a guest rather than the hostess, and I have been struggling to make online reservations, using my airline credits, to join my cousins in South Carolina. The airline sites are like a minefield with all of their hidden extras and stipulations about seat choice and baggage. I may decide to incur the extra charge in order to speak and make reservations with a live representative … hopefully, there are a few still in existence.

The approach of cooler weather has also encouraged me to mark the reviews for a few books that I hope to find time to read this winter, and although, ordinarily, I see very few movies, preferring live theater, I did see two movies this past week. The first, “Captain Phillips” with Tom Hanks, based on the true story of the hijacking of the U.S. container ship by Somali pirates. Tom Hanks gives a powerfully intense performance, and the movie kept me on the edge of my seat from start to finish. “Gravity,” although praised by many reviewers, was for me, interesting for the first 20 minutes during which I was intrigued by the amazing 3-D effects. After that, I lost interest as it was impossible to relate to the single individual (Sandra Bullock) left alone in space (George Clooney, sadly, leaves for outer space, early in the film) valiantly grunting and groaning her one liners while trying to find the right buttons to push in order to survive.

I guess for me, characterization and plot far outweigh any spectacular effects. I was remembering some simple black and white films on small screens that had kept me spellbound while this extravaganza of special effects was almost boring. I’m sure many people will disagree.

The colder weather seems to also have affected my appetite. I’m no longer content with salads for lunch, but yearn for hearty soups, pasta, hot rolls and yummy deserts … none of which are good for the waistline. And let’s not forget that New Haven Restaurant Week, www.infonewhaven.com/restaurantweek, with all of those special tempting menus begins today. Oh well, as Kirstie Alley said, “There’s a lot more to life than how fat or thin you are.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Late-fall fashion choices, holiday planning and New Haven Restaurant Week

Is it me or do the years seem to be racing by faster and faster?

Today is the birthday of the sweet daughter I so eagerly welcomed 10 years after my two rambunctious boys. How can my “baby” be in her mid-40s? What’s more, this past week, your Senior Moments columnist marked the beginning of her 85th year. Who?? Me!!!!!!! What happened to my 50s, 60s and 70s?

I know I enjoyed them, but who suddenly sent the time clock whirring so fast? Some people review the past year and their accomplishments (or lack thereof) at the new year. I always seem to review the past year and set new goals for myself on my birthday.

Looking at last year’s goals, I did accomplish two of them, but one of those was by sheer luck; my own efforts had very little to do with it. One of last year’s goals, to write a book, is being carried over to this year. I feel a bit ashamed about that and worried too; at this age, you can’t keep “carrying over” goals … there simply isn’t time.

One of the tricks to help accomplish a goal is to announce it to everyone (which I just did courtesy of this column), so now it is not just a silent wish but a public pronouncement. Another way to trick yourself is to set mini-goals locked into a definite time schedule.

That way, habit helps to replace sheer willpower, and you also have mini-achievements to celebrate along the way. And when you achieve something, even if it is small, I think it is perfectly OK to gloat and praise yourself (just do it silently). Val is no longer here to keep me on track and cheer me on, but friends who believe in you can serve as excellent coaches, especially when you hit a “down” period, and whether it is sticking to a diet, saving money or finding a new job, we all hit down periods when we are ready to give up.

In addition to staunch friends, you can also give yourself a pep talk; enumerating the things you have accomplished and reaffirming why it is important that you achieve this particular goal and the rewards it will bring. Of course, in setting goals, we need to be realistic.It is important to believe in yourself, but you also have to know your own limitations … and that’s tricky. If you always think too negatively about your own abilities, you will become discouraged before you even reach first base. Better to be a positive thinker and optimistic; even if you fall a little short of your goal, you will still have accomplished something. The most difficult step toward any goal, is, of course, that first step … just starting and now that I have publicly shared my goal with you, dear faithful reader, I can already sense a kind of positive, emotional force that will help to propel me forward.

Incidentally, for those readers who don’t use birthdays to set goals, you may want to keep a copy of this column and reread it on Jan 1.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” — Aristotle

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Is it me or do the years seem to be racing by faster and faster?

MasterCard rolls out the brave, new ‘Future of Shopping’

Recently MasterCard held a conference in New York for investors called “The Future of Shopping.” Their vision, soon to be tried out, is of a shopping paradise where everything is instantly available, straight from an appealing magazine or television advertisement to your home.

See something, tap on the shopping-cart icon on the page or on the screen, and almost-instant gratification is yours.

Paydiant is creating a program for scanning a code from a television screen which redeems a coupon so you may instantly buy something seen in a commercial or perhaps even featured on the television show, itself. Peapod, the online grocery service which then delivers groceries to your door (available in this area through Stop & Shop) has a new feature on its mobile app so that customers can restock their shelves by scanning bar codes with their smart phones at home. 

As you are munching on the next-to-last cookie in the box, just take out your phone, scan the bar code and the order goes straight to the store. No need for shopping lists; you will never run out of anything. I wonder, however, isn’t there a line between convenience and instant gratification that is crossed when it becomes so easy to spend money without having to pause to consider or reflect, even for a moment? And doesn’t the increased use of icons and apps mean we become increasingly dependent on the ever-changing latest technology?

MasterCard is making this click-through shopping technique available in several areas, including television, video and movies. Gary Lyons, an executive with MasterCard, feels consumers will want to buy what they want from within the content without having to leave the content, meaning if you are watching a television show and the actress is wearing an attractive dress, you can order it on the spot, or if you are at the movies and see the perfect shirt for your husband, you can pull out a device and order it then and there.

At the Future of Shopping Conference, attendees could test out a virtual 3-D fitting room app that takes a photo of a shopper and then, given her measurements, creates an avatar to “try on” clothes so that the mobile shopper can see how they might actually look. Or using Goggle Glass (the latest craze at the designer fashion shows) which are eyeglasses that are mini-computers, the wearer can find, order and pay for, a variety of items with a simple tap on the frame of the glass.

Lyons, who feels the potential of these types of new devices is endless, says, “We’re not trying to force people to buy things to drive them into debt, but to make people’s life easier.” Why do I wonder if that is a sincere statement?

Lyons even foresaw the day when refrigerators could be programmed to send a store an order when milk or eggs are almost gone or washing machines could order detergent. While all of this “immediate-gratification shopping” is relatively new, it will certainly change the relationship between advertisers, consumers and merchants.

When I made a major move recently, I found that many of the home furnishings which I wanted to purchase, were only available online. This may have allowed the store to carry a larger selection while paying for less floor space as well as smaller inventories, but it meant that I could not actually see, touch and feel before buying and often had to assemble the purchase, as well.

The question we, as consumers, have to resolve and then make our opinions heard, is, are super convenience and instant gratification worth the price and the hidden, unforeseen disadvantages? As for me, I have some serious doubts.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: MasterCard rolls out the brave, new ‘Future of Shopping’

Coalition for Senior Medication Safety in New Haven helps with managing the meds

The Coalition for Senior Medication Safety says medication misuse causes needless sickness, even death; and wants us to know that managing our medications properly is serious business.

The Coalition, based at the Consultation Center in New Haven, recently completed a year-long study, which is part of an ongoing campaign on medication safety funded by the Agency on Aging of Southern Central Connecticut and the Connecticut Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services. The Coalition, led by gerontologist Donna Fedus and pharmacist Sean Jeffery and comprised of representatives from pharmacies, social service agencies, hospitals, home-care organizations and consumers, developed an educational campaign with the goal of promoting senior medication safety.

With the help of seven cooperating senior centers and housing facilities where the average age of participants ranged from 55 to older than 85, participants were asked a series of questions about their medication usage. Most participants took 5 prescriptions and from 2-10 nonprescriptions daily, and only 15 percent of those surveyed received help with their meds (not surprising since 68 percent of those surveyed live alone.)

One of the questions on the survey, which also was an educational goal, had to do with having everyone carry on their person a complete and up-to-date list of all their medications. On a personal level, this made me recognize the wisdom of my own cardiologist, Dr. Steven Jacoby, who at regular intervals has asked me to bring in all the actual bottles and blister packs of everything I am taking, and he makes sure they are in the correct amount, not expired, and that there are no conflicting ingredients.

Follow up questions were later asked of the same groups, with improved results in their medication management. The Coalition suggests that even if you don’t have a particular question, review your medication, the type and amounts, prescription and nonprescription, and then talk all of these over with your doctor; either during your annual checkup or make a special, separate appointment.

I learned some additional good pointers at the recent Connecticut Health conference from Shelia Molony of Connecticut Community Care:

DO’S
Keep A Record (All medicines and vitamins, supplements, and over-the-counter meds.)nAsk Questions — Make a list for your health-care provider and ask your pharmacist.nSome good questions for your doctor are Why do I need this medicine and are there any alternatives? What are the risks and benefits? What are some side effects? What should I do if I miss a dose? How do I take this medicine? With food? At a certain time of day? nPartner with your healthcare provider. Follow directions carefully and share any symptoms such as dizziness, change in appetite or sleep, fatigue, etc.nRead Labels. When you refill the prescription and before taking medicine. You can request large-print labels or information sheets. Use caution with over-the-counter medicines;read the warnings, dosage and expiration dates.nAvoid Problems. Use one pharmacy. Use organizers and reminders such as charts or pill boxes. Ask for easy-open-caps (if no children come into your household).

DON’T
Take more or less medication than prescribed.nStop taking antibiotics before the full prescription is finished.nSuddenly stop a medication without checking with your doctor.nStore medications in the bathroom.nMix alcohol and medication without first checking with your healthcare provider.nBorrow, loan or share medications.

Finally, two helpful websites are Medline Plus where you can learn all about your prescriptions and over-the-counter meds and the Consumer Reports site that details the best buys in drugs. That site is www.consumer reports.org/health/best-buy-drugs/index.htm

Questions or information re: the Coalition for Senior Medication Safety, should be directed to Donna Fedus, director of elder programs, at the Consultation Center, Yale University School of Medicine, 203-789-7645.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Coalition for Senior Medication Safety in New Haven helps with managing the meds

Cancer survivor ‘e-Patient Dave’ has a bit of advice for all of us

“Healthcare is not a spectator sport,” according to “e-Patient Dave” a cancer survivor and fascinating speaker and author. An “e-Patient” is a patient who is empowered, engaged and enabled. When Dave deBronkart was diagnosed with what the doctor thought was terminal kidney cancer, he was determined not to be a passive patient. He collected whatever information he could find online about his condition and possible treatments. He shared it with his online readers and his doctors, consulted parts of his own medical records online and, through his doctor, found a good online patient community where he got invaluable advice and emotional support from his patient peers. Dave narrowly escaped death, saved by a rare treatment, many never hear about, but happily was effective for him. Out of that experience, came a book and a mission in life to empower patients. The old model of the authoritative doctor needs to be replaced by a partnership model. The reality is that there were 800,000 new articles published in medical journals in 2010, so not even your doctor can possibly know everything.

Patients and their families (who are also the caregivers) need to understand a disease or a treatment, and they need to feel free to ask questions. New regulations will make access to our records a reality. Last year in a study called Open Notes involving three leading medical centers, patients were given unrestricted access to their physicians’ actual notes. Not only did 89 percent of the patients love it, they said it would definitely affect what health provider they would choose.

In answer to some experts who say, “Patients don’t understand this stuff,” Dave responds, “It’s perverse to keep people in the dark and then call them ignorant.” Patients and families can also help with quality and safety. They can check the chart and the meds being given, they can request that all who enter the room, wash their hands, and they should inquire about how much things will cost. Dave says there is a magic incantation we should say to all doctors we visit: “I’m the kind of a person who likes to understand as much as I can about my health. Can I ask some questions?” In his book, written with Dr. Danny Sands, Dave’s primary care physician, the authors say there is a wealth of online health information, but we need to learn how to identify good vs. bad websites using guidelines such as MLANET— The Medical Library Association website. (See their MLA User Guide to Finding and Evaluating Health Information on the Web.) Government departments of health also have excellent information. (MedlinePlusgov). Also Kaiser, the Veterans Administration and Mayo Clinic. The book also cautions that although nobody wants to talk about it, medicine can be dangerous. It is risky to cut someone open, and it is risky to put potent chemicals (medicines) in our bodies. In the best hospitals in America, 1 in 20 surgical patients die of a complication. In the worst hospitals, it’s 1 in 6. With this in mind, you might be inclined to ask about other options. Dave feels that people perform better when they are better informed.

He has part of a group that started the Society for Patient Participatory Medicine (http://participatorymedicine.org/), and you can also watch an excellent video of one of Dave’s talks at on.TED.com/Dave. Patient participation should:nImprove outcomesnReduce medical errornIncrease patient satisfactionnImprove cost of care

As responsible adults, let’s all take responsibility for living a healthy lifestyle, and then if medical issues arise, becoming responsible, involved patients.Note to fellow Branfordites: Monday at 6:30 p.m., there will be an important meeting at the Blackstone Library, 758 Main St., regarding the need for a new Senior Center now.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Cancer survivor ‘e-Patient Dave’ has a bit of advice for all of us

We never use the words ‘sanity’ and ‘fashion trends’ in the same sentence

I have a brief, old credential as a fashion observer in that before my marriage I worked for a New York publicity firm where I covered the wholesale garment industry and then wrote about the new fashions I had viewed. I still love and appreciate beautifully made and well-designed clothes, but with the untimely closing of the wonderful department and specialty stores that carried clothes made in Europe to the store’s exacting specifications (yet still affordable), we have descended to a paroxysm of competitive designer labelling on everything from underwear to lipstick.

Bold initialing now substitutes for good taste. Glancing through the current issues of Vogue, Marie Claire and Vanity Fair, it seems that only prices have ascended to a higher level. Even the fashion copywriters have all adopted a similar, limited vocabulary. I would have been fired if my descriptive powers were limited to “Cool,” “Sexy,” “Wow,” “Hot,” “New” and “Must Have.” So maybe my views are outdated and old-fashioned, but as a consumer as well as a columnist, here goes:n Diane von Furstenberg is one of the few unchanging designers, still featuring her wrap dress, which I find as tiresome as my old bathrobe (which also comes undone at inopportune moments).n Shoes and boots are still both breathtakingly expensive and unwearable by anyone but the very young with a complete disregard for future foot problems. n Models for the Juicy Couture collections are so spread-eagled across the magazine pages, it is hard to tell what they are wearing. n All models, however, carry a huge designer handbag, usually held in front of them like a weapon or perhaps, a shield. You could certainly deal a fatal blow to any would-be pickpocket, judging by the heft of most of them. (A recent news article detailed one inventive New York pickpocket who visited fashionable watering holes in his wheelchair; handily lifting expensive handbags stored under the bar and on restaurant chairs.) n Ralph Lauren is in Russian mode, with elegant ball gowns featured with traditional Cossack fur hats. Did he foresee, perchance, Putin’s renewed popularity? n Exotic feathers and even more glitzy jewelry, vests and jeans studded with grommets, as well as colorful, patterned furs, all shout expensive excess. Skirt lengths are either very short or long with side splits to show lots of leg. Still in evidence are ankle socks worn with pumps; a look I still think is awful, even for the very young. n There are also little print-covered baby-doll dresses ... .a look you can duplicate if you happen to still possess any old, vibrantly colorful housecoats, preferably a bit too snug and short.n Many advertised items say, “Price upon request” which translated means, if you have to ask, you can’t afford it. This is the height of snootiness and exclusivity, especially today when the top 1 percent of the population earns 20 percent of the income. There is tremendous pressure on the middle class to purchase luxurious items, but what you buy should not determine your sense of self. Unfortunately, many young people have not yet absorbed that lesson.n I can’t even begin to touch on the men’s collections in this column; suffice to say, the male models all look like underfed teenagers with permanently clenched teeth. As for me, my fall fashion plans are to pull out former dependables, maybe add a new jacket or colorful cashmere sweater, succumb to a glitzy pin at a church bazaar and viola! I’m all set for whatever my calendar calls for. How about you?


Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: We never use the words ‘sanity’ and ‘fashion trends’ in the same sentence

At Covenant Village in Cromwell, Prof. William Evans of Duke Research Center tells seniors of the importance of exercise

Millions of hours of research and millions of dollars have been expended on the quest to find ways to slow down the aging process. The billion-dollar cosmetic industry, “hope in a jar” is just one example of our never-ending search for the secret to remaining youthful.

While personally, I have very little faith in the expensive creams and lotions that have made Helena Rubenstein and Charles Revson multimillionaires, I could not resist going to hear Professor William Evans of the Duke Research Center in North Carolina, speak about “Slowing Down the Effects of Aging”.

Evans has been studying the problem for years; especially the prevention of muscle loss and the effects of protein and muscle metabolism. He has held positions at Penn State University, Tufts in Boston, has appeared on CBS and PBS and is the co-author of “Bio-markers … The 10 Determinants of Aging You Can Control.”

Surely, if anyone could advise me on staying younger, longer, it would be Professor Evans. Additionally, the talk was held at the Covenant Village of Cromwell, and gave me the opportunity to become better acquainted with this charming retirement community.

While genetics play a part in how we age, equally or even more important, is our lifestyle. One main contributing factor known as sarcopenia, is age-related loss of muscle mass. Muscle weakness causes a loss of independence. The less muscle we have, the fewer calories we need, but the weaker we become, and the less likely we will exercise and therefore become obese — a vicious cycle ending in an osteoporosis-related fracture for 1 in 2 older women and 1 in 8 men. Evans also pointed out that the risk of dying for a 50-year-old woman is as high from a hip fracture as it is from breast cancer. Obviously, then, exercise is of prime importance.

But, here’s the hard part. The kind of exercise matters very much, and progressive resistance training along with aerobic exercise is what made the difference in the many controlled studies of men and women, some in their 90s. That kind of exercise, combined with a low-fat, high-carb eating plan, resulted in participants losing 1 pound a week, even though they were eating as much food as they desired. Results were truly amazing. After only 10 weeks on the diet and exercise program, walking speed and endurance increased, participants were able to do stairs more easily, and they enjoyed higher overall energy levels and vigor.

A member of the audience pointed out that when he visited his doctor and had a stress test, he was only told that he had “passed,” but he never learned how he measured up for his age. Evans agreed, and said we need to know how we are doing on the following biomarkers:n Muscle massn Strengthn Basal metabolic raten Body fatn Aerobic capacityn Blood pressuren Insulin sensitivityn Cholesteroln Bone densityn Body temperature regulationn Cognitive functionn Immune function

While, overall, I found the lecture informative and interesting, I also came away slightly discouraged. The men and women in Evans’ study had some unique help. The proper food had all been prepared and ready for them, and they worked with exercise specialists who understood and could encourage them in resistance training.

Many seniors, especially those living alone, are not motivated to cook balanced, nutritious meals and be aware of eating low-fat, high-carb foods. While Local Ys and exercise clubs offer classes and equipment, very few also have well- trained instructors to make sure participants are doing the proper exercise and doing it correctly. If as a society, we want to help our seniors remain active and also cut down on our health-care costs, finding answers to the above roadblocks, should be of paramount importance.

We are fortunate in our area to have some excellent exercise programs at several senior centers and geriatric specialists at Yale who can advise. Get moving! Stay healthy! Feel younger!

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: At Covenant Village in Cromwell, Prof. William Evans of Duke Research Center tells seniors of the importance of exercise

Changes in reverse home mortgages due at end of September

FALL FORECAST FOR SENIORS HOLDS BOTH

GOOD AND BAD NEWS

Isn’t it encouraging to know that more older Americans have jobs: 35.9 percent of men, ages 65-69, and 25.6 percent of women in that same age group, making those figures the highest since records began to be kept in 1981 .

The employment rate this summer for women age 70-74 was also higher than any previous summer. Although people younger than 30 are still having trouble finding permanent jobs, it appears that older workers are postponing retirement, whenever feasible. It could also be possible that many employers are beginning to fully appreciate the work ethics of mature Americans, their reliability, positive attitude and expectation of a hard day’s work for a day’s pay.

The bad news is that more elderly Americans are having trouble making ends meet and now under consideration by Congress are cuts in the food stamp and other programs. Additionally, new rules, which go into effect on Sept. 30, will make it much harder to get a reverse mortgage.

Although the new rules may prove burdensome to a few, to my mind, they are a much-needed improvement that should prevent many seniors, for whom a reverse mortgage became an unwise decision culminating in a loss of money as well as the eventual loss of their homes, from making the same mistake. The major changes are these:n There will be a limit on the amount of money that can be withdrawn in the first year, which will encourage people to use a reverse as a long-term retirement planning tool, rather than using it in a crisis.n A lower loan amount (about 15 percent less home equity, on average, than the current maximum allowable now.) There will also be some higher fees based on the amount withdrawn.n Lenders will be required to do a financial assessment to ensure that homeowners can afford to make all the necessary tax, insurance and other payments over the life of the loan. All income sources will be looked at as well as the borrower’s credit history. If a lender determines that you might not be able to keep up with property taxes, required insurance, etc., you will have to set aside money in a reserve. This last requirement could disqualify many borrowers and hits hardest in areas which have modest home values, but higher property taxes and insurance rates.

Reverse mortgages were created to help seniors remain in their own homes by allowing those 62 or older to convert part of the equity in their homes into tax-free income. Seniors could elect to receive the money as lump-sum front payment, a line of credit, or as a fixed monthly payment.

While this was a good product for those seniors whose home was suitable in both the layout and upkeep costs to enable them to remain there for another 7-10 years, it was not a good solution for seniors who, due to changing health or economic conditions, would need to move because the up-front costs of the reverse are quite high. 

Unfortunately, there was a great deal of telemarketing fraud in which seniors were approached by telemarketers offering “free information” on how to turn their homes’ equity into cash. Many seniors paid out thousands of dollars to these providers who did little more than referring their loan application to mortgage lenders. Some seniors were also advised to invest all or most of the cash into an annuity which allowed the provider to pocket about 8-10 percent of the loan.

Other women, whose name was not on the title to the house and became widows after receiving a reverse mortgage, lost their homes. Even with the new rules regulating reverse mortgages, seniors must give careful thought if this is an appropriate product for them. Call AARP about their publications on reverse mortgages, speak to an elder law attorney or a local trusted bank official. 

You may wish to consider a home equity line of credit or refinancing your current loan or think seriously about a move to a smaller, less costly residence. Depending on your age, current health needs and income, an assisted living or continuing care community could also be an excellent choice.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Changes in reverse home mortgages due at end of September

Just what does Labor Day mean in 21st-century America?

Labor Day brings forth many different feelings. For some, it sadly marks the end of summer. For mothers, it is often a welcome relief; the kids will finally be going back to school, and for many who regularly toil long hours, it brings a needed day off.

We should remember, however, that Labor Day had its origins in the labor union movement; especially their push to win an eight-hour workday. It is somewhat ironic that at the moment, France which has been held up as a model of social enlightenment with 35-hour work weeks and a five-week summer vacation, is having to rethink some of its liberal worker policies in order to compete in the international marketplace.

Here in America, we are also revisiting our long-held belief that anyone can become hugely successful if he (or she) just works hard enough. We are so defined by what we do, that now even women of wealth pursue meaningful careers.

The initial question asked at social functions is no longer where you are from or who your parents are, but what do you do? Thomas Jefferson said that his proudest achievement had been in creating a meritocratic United States where “a new aristocracy of virtue and talent replaced the old one of unfair privilege.” What would Jefferson have thought about today’s Washington where ambassadorships are given to generous political donors, and large American corporations hire the sons of wealthy Chinese businessmen as enticements to invest vast sums of money in their companies? Sorry, Tom, you did not put an end to “unfair privilege.” It remains alive and well in America today. America is still a hard-working nation, but that workplace has undergone some vast changes. The fabric mills of New England and the auto assembly lines of Detroit no longer provide unskilled workers with lifelong employment and good wages. Lady Liberty no longer welcomes the poor, huddled masses yearning to breathe free, but reaches out instead to the doctors, engineers and scientists from abroad. We no longer can count on large companies like AT&T and General Electric to offer lifetime employment to loyal employees.Even top executives, such as the recent dismissal of the much-touted new head of J.C. Penney Co., Ron Johnson, after only 17 months in the position, are no longer exempt from being fired. As a result, employees are less likely to remain loyal to one company and move about more often.We also have come to expect more from our work since with the advent of the Internet and smart phones, we spend even more time in work-related activities. It no longer suffices that our work pays the rent; we want it to fulfill our emotional needs as well.

Our workplace is in a constant state of flux. At present, the majority of married couples are both working, there are more women who are the major breadwinners and more and more women cracking that glass ceiling. As to the future, who knows?

So whether you are on the open road, stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic, seeking the sun somewhere, visiting relatives or just relaxing at home with your feet up, this senior worker wishes you a most Happy Labor Day!

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Just what does Labor Day mean in 21st-century America?

Words to ponder no matter how old we are

“Act your age” was an admonition I often received as I was growing up.

But I was always tall for my age, and because I looked older than my years, sometimes much more was expected of me than of my petite cousin, who purposely could appear helpless when the occasion demanded. At other times, I recall wishing desperately to be older than my years; when at 5, I wanted the training wheels removed from my bike or at 13 wearing lipstick (a pale rose shade) and purchasing my first bra and finally at 16, being allowed to drive the family car.

All of this came to mind recently when I went for a hearing test and was told my hearing loss was “age appropriate.” I’m still not sure exactly what that means, but as far as I’m concerned, I still feel, (on most days) a lot younger than my actual years and any loss is not appropriate at all. At every age, we are told that age has “restrictions.”

Now that I have lived a certain number of years and come to the full realization that eluded me in youth… that unfortunately, I, like all other living creatures, will one day depart this life, I want to be able to do as I feel; not what someone else says my age is supposed to be able do. Physicians, you are hereby put on notice. When I pay you a visit, tell me what you can or cannot do. Do not preface any suggestion with a sigh and the words, “Well, at your age.”

True, some days due to circumstances beyond my control when the arthritis kicks in when it rains, or I have over-exerted the previous day and I feel a decade beyond my years, I push a little harder or try to find the humor in it all. And when friends ask, “How are you?” they don’t really want to hear a list of complaints.

Most days, however, life feels pretty good; I am doing satisfying work I enjoy with people I like and respect; I have an active social life and a few people I count as close friends, my general health is pretty good, and I’m blessed with abundant energy.

The “don’t haves” seem relatively unimportant. And if I glance in the mirror in a dim light, I can still manage to envision traces of the slender, young woman, I once was. I am often reminded of the “story” or the interpretation behind one of my favorite paintings, “Woman in a Striped Dress, by Edouard Vuillard; a copy hangs in my bedroom. The painting depicts two women arranging flowers; the young woman, very much in evidence is in the foreground while the older woman is just visable in the background. The two women look similar enough to be related; some feel Vuillard painted his mother and sister with whom he lived. Others feel the painting represents the same woman, presently young, but the older woman in the background is the reflection of what she will become.

I like this interpretation because what we do in our youth, does determine to a great extent, what kind of an older person we will become and also because when we are older, although not readily evident, the young person we were is still present and part of us.

We would all have a better understanding of one another if we could see the adult potential in the young and the youthful spirit still remaining in the aged.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Words to ponder no matter how old we are

French, golf, yoga, pottery -- why not learn to do something new

Americans now work an astounding 50 percent more than the Italians, French or Germans, and while that is not necessarily a negative; especially if you enjoy your work, it does indicate that we need to learn how to take brief respites from our usual workday routines
Major companies have recognized that it is both a recruitment and team-building asset to install fitness centers at corporate headquarters. Encouraging employees to take breaks during and after the work day results in fewer sick days and helps to build better personal relationships among employees.

Seniors who have retired also need to take breaks from what can become a boring routine.

Now is an ideal time to check with your local senior center and adult education department and sign up for fall offerings Be open to new possibilities like line dancing, pottery making or even learning a foreign language.

Take a risk ... try something far afield. The investment is minimal if you don't like it, and nobody is going to judge you. The Guilford Senior Center's fall offering go from A to Z with adult aerobics to zumba lessons or oil painting and Italian language lessons if you want something more restful.

They are also offering a weeklong trip to Myrtle Beach, S.C., in October as well as an Oct. 16 trip to Westchester Dinner Theatre to see the wonderful musical, "Kiss Me Kate.".Speaking of wonderful musicals, I recently viewed two local productions which were every bit as good as the originals I had enjoyed on Broadway.

"Hello Dolly" has been extended until Sept. 14 at the Goodspeed Opera House and is one of their best productions ever. If you have never enjoyed this unique and beautiful Connecticut treasure (the first regional theater to ever win two Tony Awards) situated along the Connecticut River in East Haddam, treat yourself to this knock-out show. The other summer special is "Dream Girls" bringing the house down at the Ivoryton Playhouse until Sept. 1.

This is an unusually ambitious production for the smaller, less-expensive Ivoryton, where I have often enjoyed small-scale musicals and delightful comedies. "Dream Girls" requires an extensive cast of singers and dancers who can also act as well as elaborate costumes. The Ivoryton is to be congratulated that they pull it all off resoundingly; the cast is superb and had the audience clapping and stomping their feet during the show and giving a standing ovation at the end. A delightful drive, the Ivoryton is in bucolic Chester.

As long as I can enjoy wonderful productions like these, I don't miss my trips to New York during the summer. Come fall, however, despite an uncooperative hip and ankle, I will summon the energy to again sample some offerings in the Big Apple.

Another excellent source for short, stimulating classes with interesting people is the Institute for Learning In Retirement. A community-based group who share a love of learning. Classes are held in the afternoons, usually at Albertus Magnus College for a limited number of sessions. Join now for an annual fee of only $20 and you will then receive a listing of fall offerings. More at www.ilralbertus.org. Don't just sit there. Do something different.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: French, golf, yoga, pottery -- why not learn to do something new

Ask hard questions of assisted-living facilities

Is an assisted-living community a wise choice?
The answer is a resounding "yes," depending on the health and needs of the individual and the careful selection of a well-run community.

However, recently, after watching a "Frontline" program entitled, "Life and Death in Assisted Living" on public television, I was left with the impression that I wouldn't consider it for my worst enemy; let alone a loved one.

The PBS program presented a very one-sided picture; but in fairness to them, it did dramatize a real and growing problem as our population ages and requires more complex care. (Currently, assisted-living communities are home to more than 750,000 Americans).

PBS reporters looked at regulatory records from Texas, California, Iowa, Mississippi, Georgia, Ohio and Florida. They found that one of the very largest companies, Emeritus, which has grown dramatically in recent years, had been cited for numerous violations. Inspectors in each state, have, since 2007, cited Emeritus for keeping seniors with aggressive dementia as well as wheelchair-bound residents who couldn't move. Residents with these types of problems are not appropriate for assisted-living situations.

Assisted living is designed to help those who need some help in order to continue to live independently; it cannot accommodate those who need nursing home care. Yet Emeritus was found to have a policy of "Keep the Back Door Shut," tracking any move-outs and penalizing any of their communities who "lost" residents.

Most shocking of all, was the case of a California resident, Joan Boice who due to advanced mental illness was unable to communicate to her family that she was in great pain from pressure ulcers in many parts of her body that were not being treated. After just a few months, Joan died, and the family sued and won a large settlement.

In Texas, Mabel Austin who suffered from Alzheimer's, wandered out from her room and froze to death. At another Emeritus Assisted Living in Iowa, it took 12 hours to call an ambulance after an 84-year-old fell; while in Pennsylvania, an 86-year-old woman died when she became locked in a bathroom for 36 hours before anyone noticed she was missing.

While these incidents may be the exception, that fact is of little solace to the families who lost loved ones through oversight and neglect. How can families be sure they have made a good choice for a loved one? First, it is important to know that while nursing homes are federally regulated, in assisted living, regulations vary widely from state to state; with not even an agreed-upon definition of assisted living.

I spoke with David Vail of Guilford, an outstanding consultant to the industry. Vail, along with the attorney, Martha Meng, was responsible for writing some very strict state laws, here in Connecticut. Dave told me that the very large, publicly traded companies such as Emeritus, are under pressure to hit financial goals and that often, size is not an indicator of quality.

While there is a website, Nursing Home Compare, where consumers can check on nursing homes, there is no truly independent source for assisted living. For 15 years, I have been helping seniors choose and then move into assisted-living and continuing-care communities, and I have often remained in touch with both the senior and their families over a long period of time.

In all those years, I have heard complaints about the food, the lack of storage space, or a missing laundry item, but I have not heard of one case of abuse or neglect. In fact, most residents praise the helpful staff, enjoy the many activities and new friends they have made and remark, "Why did I wait so long to move?"

If assisted living may be a future choice for you or a family member, this is what I suggest:

1. Find out what regulations are in place in that state.

2. Check state authorities to see if inspection reports are posted on line.

3. Do your homework. Ask the hard questions.

4. Visit the facility several times at different times of day.

5. Find out the longevity of the staff, their training and ratio of staff to resident.

6. Talk to residents.

7. Send for AARP's checklist for visiting assisted-living communities.

8. Check with an elder-law attorney before signing an admissions agreement.

For residents with dementia, know how the facility manages their care and safety. Understand what level of care is needed and how that may change with age. Assisted-living facilities often have limited medical staffs so for some seniors, a nursing home is the better option.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Ask hard questions of assisted-living facilities

Even at this late summer date, bargain vacations can be found

Oops!
Where did the time go? Summer is already at the halfway mark and perhaps you haven't had time to make any vacation plans. Even if you have spent weekends at the beach or visiting friends, all of us need and deserve a real change of pace; some time away from our normal routines.

The good news is that there are some bargains to be had for procrastinators and those of us who just didn't get around to making vacation plans. But, if you want to save money, you need to keep an open mind as to where to go, and you also need to be flexible and ready to grab a good last-minute deal.

There are many enticing websites for travel bargains, so set your budget before "surfing." Last-minute cruises can offer big savings, but remember to look for cruises leaving from New York; Bayonne, N.J.; or Boston; otherwise, you have to add on the cost of flying to the departure city.

If you don't need a ship with all the latest bells and whistles, an older ship with fewer amenities can offer better prices.

Popular destinations like Alaska, the Caribbean or the Mediterranean are the ones most likely to have last-minute openings. In addition to websites like Cruise Bargains and Vacations to Go, call one or two local travel agents, and let them know you would be interested in last-minute cancellations. Be forewarned, however, about so-called "free vacation offers." These are often scams ... if it sounds too good to be true, it is.

Before signing anything, check it out, and always read the fine print. Cruises or foreign travel not in the budget? If you can't afford Paris, close-by Quebec has a similar ambience.

Porter Airlines flights from New York on weekdays are about $420. You can book hotel rooms on LastMinute.com, although you won't know the hotel till after you have booked, but the site does show you the neighborhood and the star rating. Another money-saving tip is to book on a Tuesday or Wednesday when you will get the best rates, and avoid, if possible, traveling on a Friday or Sunday.

If like me, you love to travel (Val always kidded me that I was the only woman who could get excited about a trip to Secacus, N.J.) then you have been using at least one credit card that accumulates miles as a reward. If you haven't, start now. You can compare credit cards at creditcards.com/reward or flyer.com. Some cards have no yearly fees; others offer a few perks like a free checked bag or priority boarding.

Remember to leave a copy of your itinerary with a family member and to take all needed medications and an extra pair of eyeglasses with you. I asked Sandra Mango, an experienced travel consultant with WorldTek (1-800-243-1723) for some current best buys in travel. She advises that the more flexibility you have on dates, the better value you can find.

Maine, New Hampshire and small New England towns often have specials that include some meals. Myrtle Beach, S.C., is great for families as there are loads of activities for the children, and at certain times of the year, an overnight in New York City at a premium hotel can be had for as little as $150. In fact, Sandy is booking now at some low rates for overnights during the Christmas holidays.

"Each person deserves a day away in which no problems are confronted, no solutions searched for. Each of us needs to withdraw from the cares which will not withdraw from us." -- Maya Angelou

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Even at this late summer date, bargain vacations can be found

Alas, the joy of discovering a new author seems to be lost

The brutally hot weather we experienced this past week was a reminder as to why I only half-kiddingly used to remark to Val, "If you retire to Florida, you go alone." I ventured out for work or personal needs only when absolutely necessary and still came back to air-conditioned bliss, completely exhausted. One of the few bright spots was that the wonderful New Haven Symphony Orchestra switched its free concert from the New Haven Green to the cool and comfortable Shubert Theater.
Additionally, folks at the Guilford Art Center had luckily extended the Craft Expo this year to include Sunday; the only day at all bearable under those tents. Normally, the more leisurely pace of summer is an ideal time to find a shady spot and while away the time with a good read. But one of the best places to find a new book or an undiscovered author, is in serious financial trouble. Barnes & Noble, where the art of browsing was made even more pleasant by its in-house Starbucks and extensive magazine selection, may go the way of Borders.

E-book sales are doing well, but you have to know what you want to order. For me, the exciting feature of bookstores, both the large chains and the special independent ones with their dusty, hidden away areas, is the opportunity to discover what you didn't know you were looking for.

Even libraries with their coded "sections" are not as conducive to browsing. Whole new worlds can suddenly open when by chance, you randomly pick up a book, and it demands to be read further. The same is certainly true when you discover a new author. Without the opportunity to browse, we also limit our ability to discover a new, talented writer.

A perfect example of the power of an established name is the recent book, "The Cuckoo's Calling" written under the name of Robert Galbraith by the wildly popular J.K. Rowling of Harry Potter fame. Before the true author was revealed, the book, which received favorable reviews, had modest sales; but once it became known that it was penned by Rowling, it hit No. 1 on Amazon's best-seller list, and bookstores completely sold out.

While the immediacy of the Internet can telegraph our likes and dislikes to a wide audience, we seem to be losing the art of discovery and selection; whether it is in searching out a new book, perfume, movie or, indeed, most anything.

We prefer to have some famous, recognizable name attached to a product rather than look and decide for ourselves. Perhaps this lack of time or interest to browse and thus to discover, is not so important in areas like clothing, home furnishings, cosmetics, etc. But in areas which relate to ideas, such as movies, television and most especially books, when we narrow our world to the well known and famous, we miss out not only on the chance to discover a new talent; most important we have missed the unique chance of self-discovery.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St. Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Alas, the joy of discovering a new author seems to be lost

Pardon me while I dash off a note to Whirlpool

In the many books I have read about "making the sale" and "pleasing the customer," they have all stressed that it is the extras that make a difference. The follow up to make sure that everything was satisfactory, the extra-special service and the unexpected small, free extras. All these make a satisfied customer who will recommend your service or product to others.
Some neighborhood firms still do this. Joe's Paint Center and Floor Store in Branford, where I purchased carpeting and Hunter Douglas shades for my new home office, not only returned a second time without charge to switch the shades to a different window where the lever was easier to operate, they sent me a hand-written thank you for my business. They will have me as a repeat customer.

However, many large manufacturers seem to me to be neglecting the care and feeding of their future business. For my newly installed kitchen, I chose all Whirlpool appliances, reasoning that they had a good reputation and by choosing one manufacturer, it simplified the process, and I was assured the styling and stainless steel color would all match. The total expenditure for all the appliances was a substantial amount.

My refrigerator-freezer is spacious with a well-lit interior and deep-door shelves to hold large bottles. Once I learned how to use the ice maker so the ice went into the glass and not all over me or the floor, I was indeed pleased. However, where was the plastic egg crate and the butter dish of yesterday? No longer are these nice "extras" supplied.

My electric range came with all sorts of dire warnings about how to use safely as well as instructions on how to bake and broil, but no broiler pan. This is now an "optional extra," which I must purchase. How, pray tell, can you use a broiler without a broiler pan? How can this possibly be considered an "option"?

The microwave is large and has a tray that can revolve or not as you choose. However, the directions were so complex, I burned the corn on the cob.

At least all the appliances came with printed instructions. Too often nowadays, manufacturers only supply instructions on a computer disc; impossible to follow if your computer is in another room, away from your misbehaving appliance. And what of those unfortunates without a computer?

My kitchen installer, Kevin Sweeney, ( a model of helpfulness and efficiency) had informed me that one little screw was missing from the bottom pull-out drawer of the oven. Receipt in hand, I put in a call to Whirlpool. When calling any manufacturer's help line, it is best to have a short novel in hand while you are put on hold. They all seem to be experiencing "unusual heavy volume" forcing you to listen to loud, jazzy music or commercials for their other products.

Strange, but if you call to order something new, you rarely have to wait. When finally connected, I was told that my sales slip information was not sufficient; I would need the serial number imprinted on a small silver disc inside the pull-out drawer. Bending down and squinting with phone in hand, I realized that it would require a yoga master with 20/20 vision to read that serial number. Reluctantly, I shall have to wait until someone young and super flexible visits to replace the screw.

My Mom always told me that if you were going to complain, do it where it will do some good, so I intend to write a letter or forward this column to an executive at Whirlpool. I will let you know the results, if any, at some future date.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St. Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Pardon me while I dash off a note to Whirlpool