With two of my children on the West Coast and an increasingly frail husband, it is difficult for me to look forward to the holidays with the usual anticipation. Thanksgiving and Christmas are, after all, a time of family togetherness.
Additionally, the ever-increasing commercialization of the holidays (Xmas decorations now appear in several stores prior to Halloween, and some stores will open for business at midnight on Thanksgiving Day) make it difficult under the best of circumstances, to savor and enjoy each holiday in its own time frame.
Realizing the need to deal with my negativity and create some other options for enjoying this holiday season, I answered an invitation to attend a session of “Coping with the Holidays,” led by Georgette Wood, a professional counselor and wellness coach.
Georgette explained to the intimate group that the holidays often create more responsibilities, but not more time. We also are likely to expect more of ourselves and of others. And, of course, we all carry a fantasy image, created by the media and our own filtered memories of past holidays, of what the holidays should be like.
Somehow, it has become the responsibility of women to create the perfect holiday. We want the house to be beautifully decorated (a la Martha Stewart) we want to create the perfect meal and find the perfect present for everyone. Georgette suggested that we all ask ourselves:
-What options do I have?
-How can I create realistic alternatives?
-What can be eliminated, postponed or delegated?
-How can I celebrate in a different way?
The group talked openly about how to be more realistic in our approach. One woman who had recently lost her husband and who had always hosted Thanksgiving for the family, realized that this had to mark the beginning of a different tradition with another family member serving as host this year. Continued...
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We all talked about trying to set more realistic goals for ourselves, feeling free to say “no” to certain chores, to simplify where possible and to allow time and permission to be alone when necessary and not feel we must always make merry. Following are some general guidelines to follow:
1. Set manageable expectations. Make a realistic estimate of what you can do and make a list prioritizing the most important activities. Organize your time and spread out activities.
2. Problems occur even during holidays, and for some people it also brings back painful memories. It is OK to feel lonely or sad. One way to overcome these feelings is by helping others.
3. Take care of yourself. Exercise and get enough sleep. If finances permit, treat yourself to a massage.
4. Don’t compare this holiday with others. Circumstances change; enjoy the present for what it is ... a present.
5. Find new ways to celebrate. There are many activities to enjoy; quite a few cost little or nothing.
6. Remember to be grateful. We can’t change our circumstances, but we can change our attitude. Most of us here in America have many reasons to be grateful.
Wishing all of you a sane, satisfying holiday season.
-Georgette Wood, a wellness coach and counselor, can be contacted at 203-481-3757 or www.CreativeOptionsForLife.com.
- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.
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