Fathers, like so many other things, have evolved and changed over the years,
but their influence and importance, has, if anything, increased. Our families
are smaller so we no longer have the influence of other relatives to help to
take the place of fathers who worked long hours or who were often away from
home. Additionally, there are more outside distractions and influences; many
contradictions to the values our families would like to instill.
Where
Dad’s word once ruled supreme, there are many more women who are balancing the
role of breadwinner and sole parent. Years ago, sons followed their father’s
vocation; inheriting his life values along with his work skills. Fathers today
need to make a special effort to create time with their families that will offer
opportunities to discuss and exemplify the morals and standards they wish to
pass on.
My younger son, Steve recently remarked that he never realized
how hard Val must have worked so that the family could live in a nice home, in a
good school district; he had always taken it all for granted. Although I was an
only child and always wished for brothers and sisters, I was so fortunate to
have two fathers in my life.
My Dad, Walter, was raised by a widowed
mother and two maiden Aunts with the result that he felt women could accomplish
anything and everything. He was however, taciturn and quiet; difficult to know
although the few rules he felt were important were made very clear and were
absolutely unbreakable.
It was from my father that I received a “moral compass” which guides my life
to this day. My other father, was a childless uncle with whom I spent every
summer. Uncle Gill and his wife, Debbie, lived in a lovely rural area of
Michigan, near a picturesque lake and Gill’s workplace was just down the road
from their home. He was in charge of a forest fire experiment station where the
small group was developing new machines and methods of fighting forest
fires.
I was able to “visit” his workplace daily and watch the men at
work, climb the fire tower and spot the far-off signs of smoke, see, first hand,
the devastation a forest fire could bring, drive a tractor, learn to handle a
gun and a bow and arrow, swim, pitch a tent ... all the many skills that a “city
girl” would never have experienced.
Also, since my time with them was
limited, Gill, an easygoing, outdoorsman with a ready laugh, made sure to plan
outings and special trips with me during that summer period. Away from all the
cultural attractions of my winter city life, I learned how special it could be
to hear stories by a campfire, or to take an evening drive and count the number
of deer that you could see.
Fourth of July was celebrated with a few
other families sharing picnic food down at the lake; then lying on a blanket and
watching while the grown ups set off a few sparklers and fireworks. I have never
again tasted corn on the cob and blueberry pie as good as it was on those
picnics. Gill and Walter — two very different types of men but both shaped my
future relationships with other men and how I developed as a woman.
I
remember them both with great admiration and love this Father’s Day. And to all
you men, currently shouldering the difficult and sometimes unrewarding job of
fatherhood, know that your work and effort will be appreciated at some future
date. Meanwhile, thank you and Happy Father’s Day!
Contact Jean Cherni,
certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful,
full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose
St. Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.
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