Just imagine what the next 100 years will bring

How can it possibly be 2010 approaching? I feel like Mrs. Rip Van Winkle, nodding off during the celebration of the year 2000 and in the blink of an eye, 10 years have elapsed.

If indeed, someone had fallen asleep in 1909 and awakened this week, they would be amazed at the changes, social and economic.

Our future now seems more uncertain. Many of our industries are outsourced, we have become a borrower nation and are much more affected by the political and economic climate of other nations. In 1909, the national debt was a paltry $1.15 billion and divorce was one in 1,000, possibly because as yet, women did not have the vote.

In 1909, the average life expectancy was 47 years, only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub, and a mere 8 percent a telephone.

The first model T Ford rolled off the assembly line and cost $850 (quite a bit of money since the average wage was 22 cents an hour). A postage stamp was 2 cents, milk 37 cents a gallon, eggs cost 14 cents a dozen and coffee was 15 cents a pound.

None of the following had been invented yet: canned beer, zippers, toasters, Band-Aids, hair dryers, traffic lights, penicillin, ballpoint pens, nylon stockings or disposable diapers.

Teddy Roosevelt was the president, clothes for the family were still made at home, and women wore long skirts and high-button shoes. Two very popular songs were “In My Merry Oldsmobile” and “In the Shade of the Old Apple Tree.”

More than 95 percent of all births took place at home, which was probably a good thing, as most of the doctors had no college education and hospitals were notoriously unsafe. The leading causes of death were pneumonia and influenza, tuberculosis, heart disease and stroke.

Only 6 percent of Americans graduated from high school, but 18 percent of households had at least one full-time servant. The American flag had 45 stars, and 95 percent of the taxes we now pay did not exist.

Football and basketball had not really caught on, but baseball was already popular and most small towns had competitive leagues. The song “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” was first heard in 1909, and critics of that newfangled invention, the airplane, were convinced it would remain a racing machine for gilded youth.

Each age develops its own special slang expressions. Here are a few some of you may recall:

- “I need a cup of Arbuckle” (slang for coffee). Arbuckle was a popular brand; just as Starbucks is today.

- “Put on your best bib and tucker.” To get all dressed up.

- “He’s a bunko artist.” Someone who is a con man, i.e.: Bernard Madoff.

- “Fetch me my hat.” Bring my hat to me.

- “Dude.” A term to describe an Easterner. Now, “Dude” is used as a form of greeting.

- “Come a cropper.” To fail at something.

- “Get a wiggle on.” To hurry up or to get going. Which is exactly what I must do until next week.

Happy New Year. Can you even imagine what changes the next 100 years will bring!

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Cousin Judy got the 10-cent tour of New York at the holidays

My cousin Judy, who is actually a second cousin, twice removed, or a third cousin, once removed (I’ve never been good at figuring out these distant family connections) called a few weeks ago to ask if I would meet her in New York to show her the city at Christmas. Judy, a widow, lives in Seattle, but spends winters with her sister in North Carolina.

Although it was at a busy time for me, it was also a rare opportunity to get to know one another, as over the years we have seen one another most infrequently.

In making plans for her brief visit, my first shock came when I ordered tickets for the Radio City Music Hall Christmas show. Admittedly, the last time I was at Radio City was over 20 years ago, but prices have increased astronomically.

Judy arrived on a recent Saturday, late in the afternoon, and was welcomed by a Seattle-type downpour, so we decided to rendezvous for dinner instead of seeing the windows on 5th Avenue, as previously planned. Her hotel was in the Chelsea area, a few blocks from my son’s apartment where I was staying, so we all had dinner at a low-cost, but excellent, neighborhood Thai restaurant.

Sunday morning we had tickets for the 9 a.m. show at Radio City. Leaving Chelsea about 8:15, traffic was minimal and we easily grabbed a taxi and were there in ample time to admire the beautiful renovations made to this landmark Beaux-Arts building. A new addition is an enormous, sparkling crystal chandelier gracing the grand staircase.

The show itself works hard at selling Christmas, and although at times slightly corny and a bit over the top, does for the most part succeed. The Rockettes are featured in many more numbers, but still perform that astonishing wooden soldiers routine and the corps de ballet delight with the opening number from “The Nutcracker Suite.”

Three-D glasses, which come with the program guide, give an up-to-date and thrilling version of Santa’s sleigh ride over New York City, allowing the audience to zoom over landmarks like the Statue of Liberty and the Empire State Building. Although the Nativity scene has been shortened, there are still the magnificently costumed three kings, the manger and yes, even live camels.

Leaving the theater at almost noontime, we entered a sunny, cold, but by now, crowded, New York. We opted for a quick soup and sandwich at a nearby Au Bon Pain, then searched several drugstores until finally locating one that stocked batteries for Judy’s hearing aide. By the third try, we were getting discouraged, but Judy perked up on learning that not only did the final Rite Aid stock the elusive batteries, they were featuring a $2 discount coupon.

That accomplished, we made our way crosstown to Madison Avenue, where we boarded an uptown bus and I tried, through the heavy traffic, to point out some of the name designer stores that might interest Judy. However, many of them were unfamiliar to her, and she was surprised to learn that there is no branch of Nordstrom’s in New York. Departing the bus at 70th Street, we walked over to Park Avenue, only to find that the Christmas trees that usually light up that broad, beautiful street as yet had no lights.

We stopped at 70th and Park at Asia House, one of my favorite small museums, which has a unique gift shop and a lovely tea room. After resting our now-weary feet, we enjoyed both the gift shop and the exhibit of elegant Indian bronzes.

Once again, out and walking over to 5th Avenue, it was turning very cold, and the wait for the downtown bus in front of Central Park took forever. We finally boarded, and through foggy windows, I tried to point out the Plaza Hotel, Bergdorf’s, Harry Winston’s, etc., but it was difficult for Judy to get more than a brief glimpse. It was dark enough by now, however, to see all the bright lights illuminating 5th Avenue, a shopper’s wonderland.

Finally arriving a few blocks from Rockefeller Center (buses do not stop directly at the site during the holidays), we elbowed our way, partially on the street, partially on the sidewalk, with Judy clinging to me, for dear life. One friendly lady, pushing nearby, smiled and said, “Hi, how you-all doin?” “I would be better if there weren’t quite so many you-alls in New York,” I thought, but did not say aloud.

When we reached Rockefeller Center, peering above the huge crowd, Judy could barely make out the skating rink and the beautiful golden statue of Prometheus. By now we were too exhausted to hoof it over to Broadway and 47th to catch the night sightseeing bus as planned.

Instead, we decided to take the subway back to the Chelsea area. Trying to buy a senior Metro card at the subway station, Judy, who is in her 80s, was asked for her Medicare card, which she did not have with her. Forced to pay full fare, she attempted several times to insert and use the card, to no avail.

Meanwhile, I was shouting instructions from the other side of the turnstile. Finally, two kind-hearted New Yorkers held open the emergency gates, and Judy slipped through in time to get the train.

When we got to Chelsea, we collapsed at a Japanese restaurant. Judy was leaving the next morning for North Carolina, so after eating, we said our good-byes. I regretted that with only a day and a half, I had barely been able to scratch the surface of New York at Christmas as I had, in the past, experienced it.

The most important and lasting Christmas gift, however, is that in our senior years, Judy and I have developed a new, fond relationship. Here’s wishing all of you a warm and wonderful holiday.

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We found another gem on Main Street in East Haven

Last year, in need of a jewelry shop to replace my watch battery, I stumbled upon DiLustro Jewelers at 280 Main St. in East Haven; a modest, almost inconspicuous shop, which is a real gem. John DiLustro is a master craftsman at working with gold, setting stones, making new jewelry castings and repair work. His repair work is so outstanding that he often works for seven or eight other jewelers, as well.

John has enlarged several rings for me, replaced an impossible-to-manipulate clasp on a pearl necklace with an easy-to-do one, and re-strung a gold and coral necklace which had broken ... all skillfully done at an extremely reasonable price.

The DiLustro family saga started when John’s mother was on a boat going to Italy to visit her family. His father was on the same boat on his way home to Ischia (a beautiful island off the coast of Italy). He was immediately smitten and asked her family for permission to court her. A short time later, they were married and returned to America, living in New Haven, then Hamden and finally settling at 414 Main St. in East Haven.

They were blessed with three children, Lisa, Anna and young John who was born in 1963, which was also the same year that the family decided to return to Ischia for a few years so the children could experience life in this peaceful place. They needed, however, a way to make a living and since Mr. DiLustro had experience in the making and repairing of jewelry in America, the family opened their own jewelry store, “Gioleria DiLustro,” which became very successful.

After six years, they sold the store to Mr. DiLustro’s brother and wife and in 1970, returned to the United States. In 1974, they opened their present store where John, from the time he was a small boy, barely big enough to see over the counter, learned the old-school, time-honored craftsmanship of jewelry-making and repair. His mother dealt with salesmen and customers and John and his father grew the business with their skill and hard work.

Today, John and his charming wife, Donna, not only continue the tradition, they will be welcoming the next generation, represented by John Jr. into the business this June.

Their story typifies the histories of immigrants from Italy who came and settled in this area, bringing Old World skills and values with them. Remember to visit and shop all your local merchants this Christmas and when you are in need of jewelry or jewelry repair, pay a visit to DiLustro’s.

Last-Minute Bulletin: Presence, a holiday co-op of local artists and merchants on the Branford Green, will host a special shopping night Thursday to benefit the Soundview Family YMCA.

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Somehow, Christmas has gotten away from us

Quite a few years ago, a small girl, Virginia O’Hanlon by name, wrote a letter to the editor of the New York Sun newspaper which in her mind was a final and irrefutable authority to ask if there really was a Santa Claus. Francis Church, in a veteran newsman’s response, which has since become a classic and traditional part of every Christmas, assured Virginia that yes, indeed, there was a Santa Claus.

Lately, I am feeling that like Virginia, I need re-assurance that the special meaning and spirit of Christmas is still alive and well in America. I worry that it is being trampled by merchants and consumers alike, so anxious on one hand to make money; and on the other, to secure a “bargain” on the biggest plasma television or the latest electronic gadget, buyers will stand in long lines at 5 a.m. One store even put up barricades to be sure crowds were controlled so that nobody would get hurt.

I thought in today’s precarious economy, more people would resort to smaller, simpler gifts. Instead, it seems shoppers still want to load up their carts to overflowing with an excess of items; they just want all the usual stuff at rock bottom prices, and they are willing to go to extraordinary lengths to achieve that goal.

Now, some of you are going to compare me to Scrooge, but it is precisely because I cherish the kind of Christmas that existed when Virginia wrote that letter, that I would like to offer the following thoughts and suggestions:

What’s wrong with Christmas?

First, it comes too early. We’ve barely recovered from Halloween and Thanksgiving. Since Christmas trees, mistletoe, candles, carols and gift-giving are all of pagan origin anyway, couldn’t we move all of those features and have a holiday when we most need it ... in perhaps, late January or early February and have a very simple but meaningful remembrance of the birth of Christ on his birthday?

Also, at any time, 12 days of Christmas would be enough. I could enjoy Christmas more if I didn’t have to see and hear so much about it, beforehand; especially certain songs like “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.” While I would prefer less time leading up to Christmas, I also think we should adopt a page from the Hanukkah celebration and have it last for, at least, several days. All that preparation for just one day makes it almost anticlimactic.

Secondly, could we do away with some of the old, worn out Christmas movies and their equally bad re-do’s? I would also ban those big, inflatable snowmen or Disney’s seven dwarfs on front lawns and rooftops. Could we all please settle for a few candles shining in the windows and one simple tree and wreath?

Third, I’m pretty sure little Virginia would have been thrilled with just one special gift under her tree. Today’s children ask, “What did you get?” when the question should be, “What did you give?” We need to think outside the gift box and discover the pleasure to be had in the careful planning and selecting of just the right gift for someone. A gift should show thought and an understanding of the singular individual it is chosen for and thus give pleasure to both the giver and the recipient.

Fourth, for many Americans, Christmas has become a financial burden. A large percent of the population is still paying off Christmas credit card debt from 2008.

We are confusing quantity with quality. Let’s do away with Black Friday and Cyber Monday and opt for the simpler, more carefully chosen or hand-made gift. And since staying in touch with faraway friends is an important part of the holiday, could we junk the junk mail and instead have a low-cost stamp just for the holidays?

Lastly, while I am still wishfully thinking, Santa dear, a sprinkling of snow on Christmas Eve always creates a special magic and is a reminder that like each and every snowflake, each and every one of us is unique and special. And if that isn’t magical, I don’t know what is.

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Grandparents step up to raise their kids kids

If you think you have had some stressful life changes, just imagine what 4 million senior Americans who are grandparents, have experienced since assuming the awesome responsibility of raising their grandchildren. While it can be an opportunity for personal fulfillment, satisfaction and a second shot at parenthood, it has also split up longtime marriages and caused untold financial and emotional stress for many couples.

I recently had an opportunity to learn about some of the unique problems facing these special grandparents when I attended a Thank God for Grandparents celebratory dinner at St. Thomas’s Episcopal Church in New Haven.

Hosted by the New Haven Consultation Center which offers a grandparents support group, I sat with Herman and Dorothea Badger (who were celebrating their 49th wedding anniversary) and Stephen and Mattie Alston. I also met impish, bright-eyed Michael Badger, age 11, and cutie-pie, Jasmine Alston, age 9, as well as a grandmother who was raising four children.

Despite the financial and physical hardships that accompany the responsibility of taking on the legal guardianship of their grandchildren, most felt they had no choice. “They are my family,” said one. “How could I just turn them over to the state?” While the problem affects all ethnic groups and income levels, many children come into their grandparents care because the parents were divorced, neglectful, suffered domestic violence or mental illness, or became drug addicts or alcoholics.

In some cases, relieved of their parenting duties, these troubled parents were able to start to put their own lives in order. For the care-giving grandparents, however, it has meant going back to work after retirement to pay for child-rearing costs or changing their work patterns to fewer hours so they could spend more time with the children.

I was surprised to learn that once they legally adopt their grandchildren, they are not entitled to any financial aid; yet many are struggling to make ends meet.

Stephen Alston said he no longer has the energy he had when raising his son, and Dorothea Badger felt she doesn’t have as much patience as she did when she was younger. They both agreed that the general permissiveness of today’s society, made child-rearing even more difficult.

One grandmother said, “When we were young, we had to be home by midnight. Now they go out at midnight and call you at 3 a.m. to be picked up.” Adding to the difficulty of being a loving disciplinarian is the fact that the children sometimes visit their parents who, to assuage their own guilt or to win favor with their children, coddle and spoil them. Grandparents also feel society’s stigma of being so much older than the parents of their children’s friends.

Support groups such as the one run by the Consultation Center, give grandparents a shared sense of belonging and a place to air their concerns and problems. (For more information, you can reach the New Haven Consultation Center at 203-789-7645. For a list of grandparent support groups in Connecticut, Google the National Center on Grandparents and scroll down to programs by state.) The National Center on Grandparents Web site also listed six strategies for relieving “grandparent stress,” but I think they are good advice for everyone:

- Write down what is causing you stress; then write down the possible solutions. Keep a gratitude journal. Daily gratitude reminders keep you focused on what is good.

- Eat right and exercise. Food we eat has a profound effect on our attitude and well being. Exercise helps to reduce stress hormones in your body.

- Laugh. Enjoy the special moments with your grandchildren. Playing games, baking cookies or watching a funny movie together will help build that special bond.

- Inner peace can be found through meditation, faith and spirituality.

- Environment. Additional family members in your home can lead to clutter and limited space. Making room for grandchildren so they have a place for their personal possessions will help you feel more relaxed. You may want to make more room by getting rid of unnecessary things.

- Family and friends are important to both you and your grandchildren’s well being and are a source of comfort during stressful times.

If you have a neighbor who is raising a grandchild, lend a helping hand or offer to be there when they are called away. These grandparents are sacrificing so much and they deserve our help and support.

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Thanks for those little conveniences we take for granted

Thanksgiving, that most quintessential of American holidays, when our forefathers gave thanks for their very survival, we are likely to contemplate our own good fortune. We are reminded to be thankful for friends and family, for the bountiful dinners most of us are able to share, and to be living in a country where we enjoy the precious privilege to disagree. But there are many small, and perhaps not so small although often overlooked things, we take for granted, that upon reflection, we are also very thankful for.

As a senior, most of the following items were not conveniences I enjoyed while growing up, and yet I have become so accustomed to their help that I forget to fully appreciate what they add to my life.

Microwave ovens: I never had one until we bought our present condominium. At that time, after reading the complex instructions that were mostly “don’ts,” I was afraid to even use it. My daughter-in-law came one weekend and with the self-assurance of someone both young and in-the-know, said, “Forget all the instructions, Mom. Just push this and this and then the start button.” How did I ever exist without the micro to warm up coffee and soup, defrost the bagels, quick-cook a baked potato and a dozen other essential uses?

Cellphones: As much as I am annoyed by their misuse (on the street, in doctor’s office waiting rooms and on trains or while driving), I can’t blame the device for owners’ improprieties. Cellphones have saved the day when I have missed an appointment, been delayed, had an emergency or car troubles. Used with restraint and consideration, they are a wonderful invention. I enjoy mine because nobody has my number (which my daughter thinks is idiotic). I use it only when I need to make an outgoing call.

Wash and wear: Although I have been known to iron anything not nailed down and love all cotton, freshly ironed sheets, the fabric blends in blouses, pants, etc. are great time and labor-savers and a boon to travelers. Remember when we ironed hubby’s shirts and our own silk blouse, every day before going to work? Now it’s pop in the dryer, shake it out, hang it up and it’s ready to wear.

Frozen foods: Not so long ago, you either spent endless hours preserving and canning or went without anything even resembling “fresh” during the winter months. Now, frozen fruits and vegetables are available any time of the year, as well as tasty entrees or complete dinners. My freezer is my best friend.

The Internet and my GPS: This column gets written on and delivered to my editor via the Internet. Research on anything and everything is a click away, and I can find and order most anything from theater tickets to swimsuits. I even located some additional prints I had originally spotted while in Thailand, ordered and had them mailed to me all courtesy of my computer and the Internet. They are today’s magic carpet.

As for the global positioning device which speaks in a male baritone named Dennis, it is my trusted companion to get me to any address and home again. No longer do I feel confused, lost and alone when I take the inevitable wrong turn. Dennis is there to “reconfigure” and put me on the straight and narrow once again. Even my husband has led me astray at times, but Dennis is incorruptible.

In addition to the many devices that make my life easier and more pleasant, I’m thankful for our latest cat addition, Ginger, a 4-year-old red head that captured my heart when I happened to be “just looking” at the Branford animal shelter.

Although, as two females, Ginger and Chibi-chan, our Siamese, were not thrilled with each other at first, they have more or less divided the downstairs into “territories” and have come to a mutual understanding. Ginger’s realm is a cat bed on my desk where she oversees my phone calls (with an occasional misstep on the answering machine button). She purrs and demands I take frequent breaks from work to talk and to rub her, which we both thoroughly enjoy.

Lastly, I never want to overlook the pleasures of long-lasting friendships and meaningful work. This weekly column helps to fulfill both those needs. Thank you, dear reader, for continuing to share my thoughts and life experiences. May you have a warm and loving Thanksgiving holiday.

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Here's to actually enjoying the holidays this season

The lyric in an old holiday song “Over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house we go ...” reminded me that with holidays fast approaching, many readers may be expecting guests or in a reversal of the lyrics, may themselves be making holiday travel plans. In either event, some ideas and thoughts which may be helpful in saving time and money:

For Travelers

The more flexible you can be, the better the airline rate. Time your flight to avoid the crowds: Tuesday, Wednesday or Saturday are usually less congested. If you can get up with the birdies, you’ll avoid long lines and waiting. The best “on-time” records are held by Southwest, U.S. Air, Northwest and Delta, so if arriving at a certain time or close connections are important, book one of these airlines. If you can book online rather than by phone, you’ll save up to $35, and if you can fit everything into a carry-on, you’ll save an additional $15-$30.

For longer flights where seat comfort is an important consideration, I always check seatguru.com, which will give you details about the configuration and seat comfort of all seats on different airlines. Bestfares.com will give you price comparisons for your destination.

When booking hotels, check travel sites like hotelscombined.com, but check also directly with the hotel. They may offer to beat the site price or give you an upgrade. Consider priceline.com or hotwire.com, but you probably won’t know where you will be staying until your bid is accepted. Before you bid, go to www.biddingfortravel.com. Don’t forget to check on taxes or other fees.

Most hotels will give an age-related discount to members of AARP and some Marriott properties will give you 50 percent off the regular rate if you are able to make a pre-paid nonrefundable booking well in advance. Radisson Hotels will take off 10 percent at most hotels and in their restaurants, and all you need is proof of age. Hilton’s Senior Honors program gives major discounts at participating hotels, but there is a yearly fee to join. Check www.hilton.com for details.

If you are renting a car, save money by taking other transportation, such as the airline bus from the airport and renting from a car agency outside the airport location. Independent agencies are often less expensive. Try carrentals.com and carrentalexpress.com, or type in the name of a car rental company and “coupon code” into Google and see what discounts turn up. If you are taking a cab, know what the fare should be.

If You Are the Host

Remember that you are entitled to an enjoyable holiday that doesn’t leave you worn out and frazzled. It’s OK to look for labor-saving shortcuts. You might want to plan ahead to buy and freeze some of your side dishes from one of the many food service places such as Pasta Vita in Old Saybrook.

Relatives can bring a side dish or the appetizers.

Place mats and everyday silver look just as festive when set off by a seasonal flower arrangement and pretty candles.

Save on having to load the dishwasher several times by using colorful plastic plates and glasses for drinks and hors d’oeuvres or dessert.

And by all means, get your guests into the act. Children can pass the appetizer dish, help with hanging up coats and clearing the table.

I also like to have Christmas gifts for my Long Island family wrapped and ready for them to take with them at Thanksgiving ... saving me the trouble and expense of mailing them later.

As for gifts, I’ve always been an advocate of buying during the year when I see “the very thing” for someone on my list, but for business gifts or gifts to others with whom I’m not very familiar, I like to find one good choice and send that to everyone. This year, especially, it makes sense to buy less expensive, useful items and to find ways to lessen your workload and create a happier, more relaxed holiday for yourself and your family.

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Hall of Fame spotlights contributions of state women

Most of us have heard of the National Women’s Hall of Fame in Seneca Falls, N.Y. Its 236 inductees are a diverse group, ranging from Sandra Day O’Connor, the first woman named to the U.S. Supreme Court, to “mother of the civil rights movement” Rosa Parks, ballerina Maria Tallchief, as well as sharpshooter Annie Oakley.

But I was unaware of a Connecticut Women’s Hall of Fame until Lesley Mills, the owner of Griswold Special Care and a member of their honorary advisory committee, invited me to attend the 16th annual induction ceremony, dedicated this year to Women in Healthcare, held Oct. 29 at the Marriott Hotel in Hartford.

Founded in 1993 to showcase the contributions that Connecticut women, both well known and less famous, have made to their communities, the state and the nation, the Hall of Fame is a way to honor them, preserve their stories, educate the public and inspire women and girls.

Along with about 600 other men and women attending, I was completely in awe to hear stories and see a film outlining the accomplishments of the three inductees as well as three other women who received special recognition awards.

Carolyn M. Mazure, Ph.D., is a professor of psychiatry and psychology and associate dean for faculty affairs at the Yale School of Medicine. This stunning woman with a high-wattage smile is also the founder and director of Women’s Health Research, the largest interdisciplinary women’s health research program in the country. Women’s Health Research initiates research to answer pressing health questions for women and focuses on the importance of gender difference in understanding different conditions. Mazure has won numerous awards for her work and was a member the Surgeons General’s workshop on women’s mental health.

The second inductee, Helen L. Smits, M.D., is an internist who has dedicated her life to public health. She completed her residency at the University of Pennsylvania where she became the first woman chief resident. She also was the first woman chair of the Board of Commissioners for the Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations and also served as the deputy administrator of the Health Care Financing Administration, the government agency that administers Medicare and Medicaid.

In 2002, this soft-spoken, sweet-faced lady moved to Mozambique to teach in a new masters in public health program. She worked in the Bush and Clinton administrations in key positions for AIDS relief. Smits delighted the audience when she started her acceptance speech by thanking all those individuals (starting with a professor who discouraged her from studying medicine) who told her that she couldn’t do what she planned to do. “It made me aware of what I had to overcome,” she said.

The third inductee, Martha Minerva Franklin, who died at age 96 in 1968, was an R.N. from Meriden who practiced nursing at the turn of the century. She felt firsthand the effects of discrimination against black nurses. At that time, no nurse of color could join a professional nursing association. Martha formed the National Association of Colored Graduate Nurses to elevate educational standards and to broaden employment opportunities.

Three Special Recognition Awards went to women who have all made the remarkable achievement of becoming CEOs of major medical facilities: Marna P. Borgstrom is the first woman to serve as president and CEO of Yale-New Haven Hospital. She began her career at Yale 30 years ago, and she also heads Greenwich and Bridgeport hospitals, both members of Y-NHHS. I had the pleasure of hearing her speak once before, at the recent opening of the Smilow Cancer Center in which she played an instrumental role.

The next recipient, Susan L. Davis, was appointed president and CEO of St. Vincent’s Medical Center and Health Services in 2004. Previously, she served as CEO for a medical center in Poughkeepsie, N.Y.

The final Special Recognition Award was given to Lucille Janatka, president and CEO of MidState Medical Center since 1999. Recently recognized as one of the top 25 Women in Healthcare, Janatka formerly was vice president of Waterbury Hospital and is a selfless mentor to many young healthcare leaders.

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One busy, busy, busy week

As if to wring as much pleasure as possible before the end of daylight saving time today, this has been a busy time chock-full of wonderful events. Here’s a peek at just one week in the date book:

Oct. 20, after a busy work day and a flu shot, courtesy of the Canoe Brook Senior Center in Branford, I attended the opening of the first of two new health facilities for our area. Keepsake Village is an absolutely beautiful new memory care community at the well-known Hearth at Gardenside on Alps Road. Under the experienced leadership of Peter Allen and Leigh Czech, residents can expect to receive the ultimate in professional services in a caring, nurturing environment.

Oct. 21, there was an invitation to the exciting dedication ceremony for the long-awaited Smilow Cancer Center of Yale New Haven Hospital. Many VIPs from Gov. M. Jodi Rell on down were present, but the thrill for me was hearing Joel Smilow, the founder and former CEO of Playtex, speak about the dividends (in human lives saved) that this “investment” will pay. Would that others blessed with as much wealth, feel the same way.

Thomas Lynch, Jr., physician in chief of the Smilow Cancer Center, is such a dynamic and energetic force that when you hear him state that all who work at Smilow will be dedicated to doing everything in their power to help those they are privileged to treat, you know that this is going to be a rare and exemplary hospital.

Once the ribbon was cut and we entered the soaring and spectacular new space itself, everyone felt a sense of both awe and pride that New Haven is home to this very special cancer facility.

Oct. 23, was my birthday and as a senior, it is always special to know you’ve made it safely through another good year. Making it extra special were loving words from family, friends and co-workers at Pearce Senior Services and even a cake when I went to a meeting of the Shoreline Eldercare Alliance, a nonprofit educational resource for seniors.

Oct. 24, was my first, but definitely not my last experience with an amazing new innovation called HDLive which allows participating theaters (in this case, Regal Cinemas 12 in Branford) to bring you live productions on a huge screen, as they are occurring.

A large audience, filling several of the theaters, sat mesmerized for four hours as we heard and watched the opera “Aida” as it was being performed at the Metropolitan Opera in New York. It was gratifying to see many young people in the audience as well as seniors, transported by buses from various retirement communities in the area. There are a few limited tickets available for future performances of other operas scheduled from November to May. Call the (203) 481-4089 to inquire.

Immediately following the opera, I dashed out to Daniel Hand High School in Madison to hear the Destiny Africa Children’s Choir comprised of orphaned children from war-ravaged Uganda who have found new hope and new lives through the Kampala children’s center in Uganda.

Madison resident Martha Hoffman, who started Call to Care Uganda just a few years ago, has worked tirelessly on behalf of these destitute children. One of her daughters attends Daniel Hand High School where the students started a special Uganda Club to raise awareness and funds.

The exuberant Ugandan children not only sang, they danced, they drummed and they completely stole the hearts of everyone in the audience. Also on the program were the high school’s award-winning a cappella group, Encore, and former Madison resident and rising singing star Kallin Garrity. Even driving home in a torrential rain could not dim such a rewarding day. To find out more or to make a donation, visit www.calltocareuganda.org.

Oct. 25, the sun shone for my final outing when I joined Eleanor Watt and other friends at the beautiful Pine Orchard Club for the Madison Women’s Club annual fund-raising fashion show. For 109 years, the club has been dedicated to helping to improve the educational, cultural and civic conditions in their community. This year’s events funds will help toward the purchase of some furniture for the new Madison Senior Center which is being built. I ended the week in a state of tired elation; feeling so fortunate to be living in an area where so many exciting and worthwhile events are right in my own backyard.

I'm reading: One busy, busy, busy week

There must be a book out there for those addicted to self-help books

Self-help books are now so popular they have earned (in addition to millions for the authors) an entire special section at Barnes & Noble. Starting with “How to Win Friends and Influence People” way back in 1936, there is now a book to help you solve any and all of life’s problems ... large or small.

One best seller, “The Secret” by Rhonda Byrne, claims if you concentrate and think really hard, you can attract wealth, health or whatever else you desire. This so-called “incredible revelation” reminded me of Professor Howard Hill of “The Music Man,” who sold band instruments with his “think and you can play” theory.

Dr. Wayne Dyer’s latest, “The Power of Intention,” sees intention as a creative field of energy we can learn to access to co-create our lives. In “Do One Thing Different,” Bill O’Hanlon presents sensible solutions to life’s persistent problems, while David Allen’s “Ready for Anything” presents pointers for living a more productive life. Last, but not least, there is the not-so-delicately titled, but straight to the point, “Cut the Crap and Resolve Your Problems.”

We seem to be a nation of people who are eternally searching for ways to be better.

Better mothers, fathers, cooks, gardeners, lovers, bosses, employees, speakers, listeners, shoppers, home decorators, husbands, wives, grandparents or just improved versions of ourselves, (Oprah’s motto of “Be the best you can be”).

Nothing wrong with any of these aspirations, I suppose, but I wonder just how far all this reading about self-improvement really gets us. While cleaning out the basement recently, (which is certainly not the best IT could be), I came across some really old magazines, and guess what the leading articles were all about?

Working Woman’s June 1985 issue featured, “How to Beat Stress and Look Your Best,” “Is Your Job Meeting Your Needs?” and a “Knock-Em Dead Dessert Recipe.” American Health magazine of November 1986, “The Truth About Wrinkles,” “Do Optimists Live Longer?” and the premier issue of a magazine called Spring, which came out in April 1982, but must have needed some help itself because it failed, “Power Thinking, New Techniques to Get Your Agenda Rolling.” And even though it is off the subject of self-help, final proof that things haven’t really changed, an issue of Connecticut magazine from October 1987 had an article titled, “Why Our Bridges Are Falling Down.”

My mother was an avid reader, and I was always read to as a child, but the books that were in our home were, for the most part, the classics, Dickens, Conan Doyle, Jane Austen, James Barrie, and occasionally a new best seller, usually about a current political or social issue. It was pretty much taken for granted that part of growing up was learning how to control your temper, look your best, do your best, be thoughtful and appreciative of others, and put something aside for a rainy day.

Parents who put down strong, clear guidelines and served as good examples themselves were all the help that was needed. What has occurred in the years since that we now must turn to myriad unknown experts to solve our problems and answer our most personal, private questions? Maybe, at least until it’s time when I feel compelled to make a New Year’s resolution, I’ll just sit here and vegetate, feeling smug and content in my present imperfect state. And if I do decide to read a book, it will be a biography or a mystery.

I'm reading: There must be a book out there for those addicted to self-help books

Parting glances: Reading about those who ve lived life to the fullest can be a thrill

I have a secret addiction. I find I am fascinated by The New York Times obituary page. Amazing people die every day ... yet outside of their particular field of expertise, their lives go mostly unnoticed. Some of these individuals whose names are not known to us, have, nonetheless, had a lasting effect on our own lives due to their medical or scientific research.

One recent obituary concerned a doctor whose early research while he was in the Army led to the development of the type of film used to distinguish cancerous from noncancerous tissue. His discovery made possible my early breast cancer detection and treatment, yet I was never able to thank him or even be aware of his work and his name.

Recently, Mark Edelman, the last surviving leader of the Jewish revolt in the Warsaw Ghetto uprising of April, 1949, passed away. Despite having only homemade weapons and faced with overwhelming odds, the rebels fought for three weeks; knowing they would not win, but determined to cheat the Germans of the ability to pick the time and place of their death. Edelman and a handful of others escaped through the sewers, and he eventually became a cardiologist in Poland after the war. How many of us could show such bravery and how many other heroic acts go unnoticed and unheralded?

Another interesting life that ended recently was that of Donald McLaughlin, a Yale graduate who helped design the interior of Tiffany’s new flagship store in New York. The work of which he was most proud, however, was the official logo he created for the United Nations. “I believe that the U.N. is our best hope for world peace,” he said.

Perhaps the end of an elegant era, as well as the end of a man who caught the spirit of that era in his photographs of models posed stylishly in haute couture, left us with the recent death of the photographer, Irving Penn. He worked for Vogue longer than any other photographer and his camera caught the images of celebrities as well as strikingly beautiful models. One of the most beautiful, Lisa Fonssagrives, became his wife.

Like many of my friends, when I want to add something classic and well made to my wardrobe, I head to the nearest Talbots. Although now owned by General Mills, the woman who started Talbots with one shop in an antique house in Massachusetts, Nancy Talbot, died in September of Alzheimer’s disease. Nancy’s classic look and enthusiasm for bright colors grew that one small shop into a 586-outlet empire. She painted the door of her first store a bright red, a trademark of all Talbots, to this day.

Other obituaries finally reveal the secret love affairs or little known facts about famous people; stories that couldn’t be printed while they were still alive, but I much prefer the stories of interesting lives, well lived, even though I have never heard their names before and will probably forget their names as soon as I put the paper away.

Where else, but in the obituaries could you become acquainted with a society matron who led a double life as a stripper, or a boy raised in poverty who left millions to his hometown library?

Of the many who have recently left us, the one I would most liked to have known was Mimi Wedell, who died at age 94 after starting a modeling and acting career when she was in her 60s.

Although she had only small roles in low-budget films, in her mind they ranked as major motion pictures and she therefore developed the aura of a “star.” She had a positive, upbeat attitude about everything and loved glamour and illusion. She appeared in print ads for Burberry when she was in her 90s and was known for her eccentric ways and her flamboyant hats.

She could have been a mascot for the Red Hat society as she was fond of saying, “Hats give you a frame. However dreary you feel, if you put on a hat, by golly, you’ve changed everything.” She sounded to me like the kind of delightfully off-center, unsinkable, go-for-it kind of gal who would enrich all who knew her.

I guess I appreciate a well written obituary because in a few paragraphs it sums up what we are losing when a particular person dies. As Jim Nicholson of the Philadelphia Daily News once remarked, “A little life well lived is worth talking about.”

I'm reading: Parting glances: Reading about those who ve lived life to the fullest can be a thrill

If Einstein was alive today, he might have his own workout show

Here’s good news for all you cranial curmudgeons. Just as the past 20 years saw an explosion in physical fitness, this is the dawning of the age of brain fitness. While all of us will experience some declines in memory with age, regular brain “workouts” not only help prevent cognitive decline, but can actually boost brain function and memory, as well as prevent or delay dementia.

The emerging field of brain fitness was the subject of a fascinating three-hour class I attended at the Yale Consultation Center. According to the facilitator, Donna Fedus, a gerontologist and the coordinator of the center’s elder program, the brain is a work in progress, and we now know that it has the ability, called neuroplasticity, to grow and change at any age.

New, computerized programs with progressively difficult exercises have been shown to result in remarkable memory improvements.

One of the programs designed to increase abilities needed when driving is being used in one or two senior centers. For a sample test, go to www.positscience.com.

This is what we all can do now to boost our noodles:

‰Physical exercise promotes the birth of new neurons in the part of the brain crucial to forming new memories. Exercise can even help your brain create new cells. Throw and catch a ball (enlist your grandchildren for this one). Hand-eye coordination responses are good for the brain. Try using your “other” hand for brushing your teeth or eating. And in case you needed it, here’s another reason to visit quaint European cities — walking on uneven cobblestone streets improves the vestibular system of the inner ear, which translates into better balance.

Eat a well-balanced diet with plenty of fish from the wild. Salmon and sardines are especially good choices. Fill up on walnuts, blueberries and dark chocolate. (It’s true, chocolate lovers, dark chocolate helps to pump up dopamine, an important brain chemical). Use curry and turmeric in cooking, and drink gotu kola tea to improve focus and memory, and tulsi tea made from an Indian herb that helps reduce stress.

Use it or lose it. Challenge yourself. Learn something new. Do jigsaw and crossword puzzles, play chess, bridge, Scrabble and sudoku. Studying a language or learning to play an instrument is extremely good as it exercises many interrelated dimensions of brain function. Visit a museum and take a guided tour, paying careful attention to what is said. Then write down or relate to someone else everything you can recall. Memory activities that require receiving, remembering and thinking help to improve brain function. Memorize a song or a poem. Take courses or classes ... join a book club.

Get enough sleep. Our brains consolidate learning and memories during sleep. Sleeping well after learning something new helps the brain effectively put the information into long-term memory.

Check your meds. Medications can impede memory. Older anti-depressants, anti-diuretics and antihistamines can block a critical brain chemical. Ask your doctor.

You can find out more about brain fitness at wiki brain fitness on the Web, or by reading “Can’t Remember What I Forgot” by Sue Halpern. Another just-out book, “The Brain That Changes Itself” by Dr. Norman Dodge, relates almost miraculous cases of damaged brains that rewire themselves, enabling other parts of the brain to take over the same function.

Meanwhile, five tried-and-true steps to better brain health (no computer needed) are socialization, physical activity, mental stimulation, nutrition and spirituality.

And incidentally, regularly reading Senior Moments and then discussing the column with a friend or neighbor, couldn’t hurt, either. Of course, that’s just one modest opinion.

I'm reading: If Einstein was alive today, he might have his own workout show

We hopped a bus for City Island in the Bronx

Although raised in and around New York, I knew little about and had never visited City Island, so when I learned of a group tour sponsored by The Institute for Learning in Retirement, I reserved a space. Grabbing an early morning cup of coffee to jolt myself awake, I drove to the park and ride off Exit 40 where a full busload of eager participants awaited.

Our first stop (and what for me was the most interesting part of the trip) was at the Bartow-Pell Mansion and Gardens in Pelham Bay Park, which is part of the Bronx. In 1654, Thomas Pell, an English physician of great foresight, from our very own state of Connecticut, bought a vast area of land, which included much of the present-day Bronx and lower Westchester, from the Siwanoy Indians.

About 10 years later, Thomas’ heir, Sir John Pell, built a manor house on the property, which was occupied by several generations of the family before it was destroyed during the American Revolution.

In 1836, Pell family descendant Robert Bartow and his wife, Maria Lorillard, purchased part of the old manor and built a fashionable three-story Greek Revival mansion. Although Bartow had a prosperous book-selling business with an office in Manhattan and a factory in Norwich, it was probably due to Maria’s wealth (from the Lorillard tobacco family) that no expense was spared in building their home.

Upon entering the mansion, you are greeted by an elegant foyer featuring a dramatic free-standing elliptical spiral staircase, which connects the beautiful first-floor parlors with the bedrooms above. The house with its pastureland, orchards and lawns sloping down to the bay, must have been a busy place with Maria’s and Robert’s seven children and many servants.

At about that time, due to the potato famine, many servants came from Ireland. In addition to a governess (usually English) there would have been a laundress, a cook, several maids, a coachman and a stable boy. There is a stone carriage house to the rear of the mansion, the only surviving building of its type in the metropolitan area. Here we viewed the impressive coach the family would have used for special occasions. Their coachman would have been chosen for his height and good looks since he also acted as the family’s calling card, often announcing their arrival.

The carriage house was home to the stable boy who worked from 5:30 a.m. until late in the evening. He fed the horses three to five times each day with each horse consuming about 16 pounds of food. He was also responsible for grooming the horses and making up their beds of hay each night. He slept with the horses as he was considered beneath the other servants.

In addition to an everyday carriage, there would be an open sleigh for use in wintertime. Each family had a distinctive set of sleigh bells so you would know who was approaching or driving by.

Another indication of the fierce retention of “class levels” is typified by the convex mirrors used in the parlors and dining rooms. This type of mirror permitted servants to see who needed food or wine while remaining at a safe distance from the guests at the table. The double parlors were separated by sliding mahogany doors which were opened when the family entertained; often with actors who formed living pictures known as “tableau vivant.” The parlor holds portraits of family members, but usually just the face and upper body are portrayed.

Artists of that time charged extra if they painted the arms or legs. It is from this practice that we get the expression, “It cost an arm and a leg.” The mansion was sold to the City of New York in 1888 and in 1914, the International Garden Club adopted the mansion as its clubhouse. Today, the Bartow-Pell Mansion is a national historic landmark owned by the New York City department of parks.

The remainder of the day was spent on City Island which seems to survive primarily as a retreat for boat lovers since transport to the city by any other means is difficult. The main street consists of modest, well-worn buildings and places to eat seem limited to the simple fish and chips type. The business directory lists one doctor, one dentist, one pharmacy, one bank, no hospital but seven yacht clubs.

For boating enthusiasts who like a simple lifestyle with both feet rooted firmly in the past, City Island would be an ideal place to settle. Admittedly, it had little appeal for me.

- For more about the Bartow-Pell Mansion, go to www.bartowpellmansionmuseum.org

I'm reading: We hopped a bus for City Island in the Bronx

Think about preventing flu, colds

We would all like to forget about the winter season and runny noses, sore throats, coughs and fevers, but the old adage, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure” still holds true.

Colds are caused by viruses that are different from those that cause influenza, with about 1 billion cases a year in the United States.

Cold viruses are highly contagious, but as people age, they tend to experience fewer colds. People over the age of 60 average less than one cold per year, while some children experience anywhere from six to 10 colds a year.

While we still don’t know how to prevent the common cold, avoiding contact with those already infected, frequent hand washing and using a disinfectant on contaminated objects will help.

While there is no proof that you can catch a cold by going outside with wet hair or getting chilled on a cold day, managing stress is important, because stress can affect the immune system. Running a humidifier in cold weather helps prevent the mucous membranes lining the nose from drying out.

Of course, regular exercise and a healthy diet help to boost the functioning of the immune system, as well. As for the flu, also known as influenza, the most effective method of prevention is to get the annual vaccine, which prevents the flu in most people over the age of 65.

The vaccine is a mix of three forms of the flu that are expected to cause disease in the coming season.

Prevention can be by means of an injection or an inhaled nasal spray, although the later is only approved for those between 5 and 50 years of age. The flu vaccine can be helpful for nearly everyone but it is especially important for small children, pregnant women, patients with lung, heart and metabolic conditions, residents of nursing homes, health care workers and anyone over the age of 50.

The most frequent side effects of the injected vaccine are mild soreness at the site and slight fever or muscle pain that may last for a day or two. The flu vaccine has been associated with the autoimmune disorder Guillain-Barre syndrome, though according to the Centers for Disease Control, this occurrence is extremely rare.

Both the inhaled and the injected vaccine are grown in eggs and may cause allergic reactions in people who are sensitive to egg products.

After an incubation period of from one to four days, a flu infection may cause the following symptoms: fever, muscle pain, chills and sweats, headache, fatigue, cough, sore throat, congested or runny nose and lack of appetite. Fever and headache are more common symptoms with the flu and are a way to distinguish the flu from the common cold.

It is important to note that the 2009 H1N1 swine vaccine is not intended to replace the seasonal flu vaccine.

If you are in danger of contracting swine flu, you will require both vaccines in order to be protected. Consult your doctor or call the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention at (800) 232-4636. Many senior centers and drug stores will be offering the flu vaccine, or you can find a list of places offering the vaccine near you on the Web site findaflushot.com.

I'm reading: Think about preventing flu, colds

Autumn arrives Tuesday, so let s mull its fashion

How can it be that fall has arrived when I don’t feel as though I have, as yet, experienced a real summer?

Nevertheless, the calendar says autumn officially begins Tuesday at precisely 5:18 p.m.

Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, was celebrated Saturday, stores are full of items for Halloween and Thanksgiving, and the Metropolitan Museum’s Christmas catalog arrived this past week, as well.

Apparently, the planners at the department stores and other retail emporiums have determined that in a weak economy, the answer to inducing people to spend money is to extend the holiday season. The only problem with this theory is that one holiday blends into the next, like watercolors blending on a piece of paper, and the true color or flavor of any specific event is muddied or lost, completely.

I do believe most people become utterly dispirited when viewing pumpkins on Labor Day and Christmas wrap or Santa suits in October. Instead of finding enjoyment in each holiday in turn, this fast forwarding of the calendar makes me want to forget the whole thing and leave for Bora Bora where they have never heard about any of this — or if they are inclined to celebrate, all that is required is a new grass skirt.

Mufflers, etc.

The topic of grass skirts is a perfect segway into Mother Cherni’s annual take on the fall fashion scene. This year, even if you remember to get your flu shot, it will be stylish to look as though you have a sore throat. Mufflers of all shapes and sizes are wrapped several times around the neck and although it would seems contradictory, paired with sheer, baby-doll tops. The baby-doll and peasant tops, incidentally, make everyone look about four months pregnant. Python- printed skinny trousers are big news ... just the thing for women with curvy thighs; they can now resemble a slithering snake as they walk — IF they can walk in the high platform shoes which are inexplicably again fashionable.

Personally, I think the likes of Manolo Blahnik and Christian Louboutin, who design these monstrosities women are supposed to manage to walk in, should be cited for torture along with those Chinese emperors who decreed the practice of female foot-binding.

Over-the-knee boots are “hot” and reach a new high, coming up to the thigh. “But, to avoid looking like a hooker, pair them with a long, tunic top,” advises one style magazine. If I ever spent the requisite hour and a half it would take to get into a pair of thigh-high boots, I darn well wouldn’t be hiding them under a long, tunic top, even if it meant being approached by some unsavory male.

Wellingtons, the British rubber boot staple, are modeled by Kate Moss with a mini-dress, so ladies, dig out those old rubber garden galoshes and pair them with that too short wool dress from 15 years ago. Viola, you’re in, baby. Among the “little luxuries” promoted by one magazine, a $140 gold tone metal skull key ring charm with crystal eyes was really awful looking, even if you are into the vampire and gothic garb mode and like your pocketbooks and shoes covered with nail studs and chains.

Other, “little” luxuries included a Fendi coin purse at $260 and Vuitton bracelets at $265 each. Faux fur vests and suede accessories are in (a holdover from last year) and we are told to “toughen up a feminine piece with a leather jacket” ... another one of the inconsistencies of today’s fashions.

Hippie chic

New York City stores recently hosted a one-night “Fashion’s Night Out” in an effort to stimulate business. Present at Macy’s were such luminaries as Anna Wintour of Vogue, designers, Michael Kors and Diane Von Furstenberg. In what to me is a puzzling mismatch, Bergdorf Goodman, that purveyor of haute couture and elegant fashions, featured the Olsen twins best known for their off-beat “hippie chic” styles. Clothing manufacturers looking to increase sales have hopped onto the celebrity bandwagon as though having Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton as “style advisers” will increase sales to anyone except teeny-boppers who think the height of fashion is wearing some large lettered logo across your behind.

I’m no fashion pundit (although I did spend several years working as a fashion publicist) but it seems pretty obvious that in today’s economy, women are looking for value. We will always love to shop for something new, but now especially it needs to be something that is well made and won’t look completely out of style by the following year. Until the fashion industry stops beating the drum for the far-out and the impractical at extravagant prices, store sales are doomed to remain stagnant.

Perhaps designers need to take a cue from the yellow buses once again on the road and go back to school.

I'm reading: Autumn arrives Tuesday, so let s mull its fashion

Here's to gram and gramps on their special day

This Sunday is Grandparents Day, and the Met Life Mature Market Institute recently conducted a nationwide survey of grandparents and found that grandparents today take an active and generous role in providing financial assistance. They also prefer to step in earlier with support rather than to try to provide a larger legacy later.

Typically, the total amount of this assistance is less than $5,000, and about 26 percent indicated that the money was to help with the cost of education, while about 40 percent said it was for general support.

Grandparents are trying to be especially helpful in these difficult economic times, even though it may have a negative impact on their own shrinking finances. Additionally, more and more grandparents are either helping to raise, or are completely responsible for the rearing of, their grandchildren.

There is a delightful new picture book, written from a child’s point of view, which centers around a nontraditional family of grandparents raising their grandchild. Called “Sometimes It’s Grandmas and Grandpas,” the book shares a child’s experience living with, and being cared for by, grandparents.

Written by Gayle Byrne with warm watercolor illustrations, it will be available next month. Reading a book like this together, is a great way to introduce children to other family structures.

Being a grandparent is not always easy and, as in all aspects of life, having a well-developed sense of humor smoothes the way. Here are a few endearing grandparent stories:

- My young grandson called the other day to wish me a happy birthday. He asked how old I was, and I told him, 72. My grandson thought a moment, and then he asked, “Did you start at 1?”

- When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly said that I wasn’t sure. “Look in your underwear, Grandpa,” he advised. “Mine says 4 to 6.”

- A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. “She lives at the airport,” he replied. “And when we want her, we just go and get her and then when we are done having her visit, we take her back to the airport.”

- A little girl told her grandfather that she was writing a story. Intrigued, he inquired what it was about. “I don’t know” she replied, “I can’t read yet.”

- A grandfather was delivering his children to their school when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front of the truck was a Dalmatian, and the children began to discuss the dog’s duties. “They use him to keep crowds back,” said one child. “He’s just for good luck,” said a second. A third child brought the argument to a close. “They use the dogs,” she said firmly, “to find the fire hydrants.”

- The teacher asked the class to make up a sentence about a fireman. One small boy wrote: “The fireman came down the ladder pregnant.” The teacher took the boy aside to correct him and gently asked, “Do you know what pregnant means?” “Sure,” said the boy confidently. “It means carrying a child.”

- I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned all her colors yet and decided to test her. I would point out something in the garden and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. This continued for awhile until she finally headed toward the house and looking at me a bit impatiently remarked, “You know, Grandma, you really should try to figure some of these out for yourself.”

I'm reading: Here's to gram and gramps on their special day

VA's solid performance inspires a brief history lesson

Right now, there’s a great deal of discussion taking place about our health-care system and whether a government-run health-care program is a good or bad idea.

What is sometimes overlooked is that we already have two government-run health-care programs in place: Medicare and the VA health care system. In fact, the VA is the largest independent federal agency in terms of budget and second only to the defense department in the number of employees. Due to the unique characteristics of our present war, there are many more cases of post-traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury, and disability claims have skyrocketed.

Despite additional funding and staff additions, the VA has been hard pressed to keep up with the dramatically increasing demand. Even though problems certainly exist, my husband Val, a veteran who served in the Merchant Marine in WWII, has received excellent routine health care at the VA hospital in West Haven. His experienced and thorough primary physician at the VA coordinates his care with his other medical specialists whom he sees as part of the Medicare program.

A nurse comes to the house every two weeks (at very low cost) to set up the confusing array of medications he now must take, and psychiatric help is available if Val finds the dialysis treatments he must undergo are causing depression or other problems.

We have been so impressed with the VA services that I decided to research the history of the VA because there may be many who are not aware that they are entitled to receive VA help.

First, Connecticut has two VA medical centers: West Haven and Newington. There are six clinics and three veteran centers. Anyone who served in the active military, naval or air service, may qualify and in many cases, spouses and family may receive certain benefits, as well. To apply, complete form VA10-10EZ, obtainable on-line at http://www.va.gov/ or call (877) 222-8387.

Help for disabled veterans has a long history going way back to the English Colonies in North America. The first law, enacted in 1636 by Plymouth, provided money for those disabled in the Colony’s defense against the Indians.

During the Depression, veterans who had not stayed home and benefited from high war-time wages, were especially hard hit, and there was a march on Washington to have immediate payment of certain “bonus certificates.” A near riot ensued and President Hoover had to call in the federal troops.

America belatedly realized there were shortcomings in the treatment of its veterans and passed, what many consider one of the most significant pieces of legislation ever produced by the federal government, the GI Bill of Rights, a comprehensive benefits package with three key provisions which covered payment for education and training, guaranteed home, farm and business loans with no down payment and third, unemployment compensation. When the GI Bill program ended in 1956, 7.8 million had received training and the VA had guaranteed 5.9 million home loans, transforming the economy and the society of the U.S. The dream of higher education and home ownership became realities.

General Omar Bradley headed the VA in 1945, and at that time the VA hospitals became affiliated with medical schools and offered resident and teaching fellowships. Now VA facilities are affiliated with more than 105 medical schools and more than half of the physicians practicing in the U.S. had some of their professional education in the VA health-care system. VA researchers played key roles in developing the cardiac pacemaker, the CT scan, improvements in artificial limbs, and their clinical trials established new treatments for tuberculosis and high blood pressure.

Now celebrating its 79th anniversary, despite some glaring problems with a few hospitals, the VA medical programs have garnered many awards for excellence including quality of service, patient safety and satisfaction.

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A few womanly necessities that's all we need

Since when did “senior” become a dirty word? Various organizations are struggling to find a new title or phrase that omits that now forbidden word in favor of vague euphemisms like, “the third phase of life,” “the sunset or golden years” or the “unretirement years.”

In many cultures, a senior or an “elder” is considered special and is revered. In America, as we are made all too aware, a woman should somehow strive to remain between the ages of 17 and 28, indefinitely. I, for one, don’t mourn the passing years as long as my health remains good. But there are a few things that every woman of what was formerly referred to as “a certain age” needs to have:

An accurate, but flattering, three-way mirror so she will never leave the house looking ridiculous or feeling completely discouraged.

A man, other than her husband, who regularly tells her she looks fabulous. (On second thought, most women would settle for their husband just noticing what they are wearing.)

Grown children who don’t blame her for all their problems, but recognize many of them are of their own making.

The ability to enjoy her own company.

Friends who never say, “At your age, you shouldn’t ...”

One room, decorated just the way she wants it, that is hers alone and off-limits to everyone else.

A unique and special interest or passion that makes her wake up each morning, eager to start the day.

One really good friend who understands her completely and admires her anyway.

Her own bank account.

One good piece of “bling” jewelry that guarantees she’ll get waited on at Bergdorf’s or Le Bernadin.

A pet, be it dog, cat, bird or fish, that waits for her each day with unconditional loyalty and love.

Enough money to pay regular bills in a timely fashion, but not so much that planning and saving and therefore eventually savoring, something special, is unnecessary.

In addition to air, earth, water and fire, all women have four personal, but necessary elements, in order to survive and be happy. Mine are a loving relationship, travel, theater and the arts, and meaningful work.

The above is my special list ... I am sure every woman has her own priorities. What is important is that we recognize what they are so that we may lead fulfilling, joyful lives, whatever our age.

I'm reading: A few womanly necessities that's all we need

We're talking about Frank Avallone, not Frankie Avalon

Many men would be completely intimidated by being the lone male in a swim exercise class of from 10 to 40 women. Frank Avallone has not only participated year-round in water aerobic classes for nine years, he has become a completely accepted and much admired member of the predominately female classes (in the large winter class, there are sometimes one or two other male members).

Perhaps Frank comes by his love of the water from being born in Rome, city of magnificent fountains. Although his mother was born in America, she went to Italy as a young girl, and Frank was raised and lived in Rome until he was 17, when he decided to take the Andrea Doria and come to America and New Haven.

“At that time, my English was terrible,” he laughs. I lived with my mother’s cousin and did factory work at Sargents while I went to night school. Eventually, Frank graduated from the University of New Haven with a degree in mechanical engineering.

Married to Marilyn Glaser in 1962, he enjoyed an engineering career but ended up teaching math at the Children’s Center in Hamden, a school for emotionally disturbed children. Frank retired about 10 years ago and coincidentally to his leaving work, developed some health problems.

His doctor prescribed regular exercise and Frank started daily water aerobics. Like Frank, I also started water exercise because of a health problem; in my case, a serious ankle injury which makes walking and land exercise, painful.

For many reasons, aquatic exercise is ideally suited to the needs of older adults. Buoyancy assists movements, which allows for a greater range of movement in the water.

In addition to improved muscular strength from working against water-resistance, exercise in the water can have a positive effect on osteoporosis and bone density.

Most of the members of the class, which is sponsored by the Soundview YMCA, say they also enjoy making new friends, learning about a good new movie, book or a place to eat. During the summer session, held at the outdoor Guilford Yacht Club pool, our energetic, full-of-fun instructor, Katie Murray, has coordinated the exercises with the Italian music CDs that Frank has not only provided, but enjoys singing along with as well. To be in the water on a beautiful day and hear lovely music….. “é magnifico!”

Frank has also been teaching the class on how to count in Italian. He loves the sound of his native tongue and gives private language lessons in his home as well as attending a Saturday get-together group that converses (along with expressive hand gestures) only in Italian.

Summer may be over in a few more weeks, but you can be “in the swim” all year-round. Call your local YMCA to inquire about water aerobics classes in your area.

Unfortunately, only the Shoreline “Y” has a Frank Avallone.

I'm reading: We're talking about Frank Avallone, not Frankie Avalon

There we were 56 years ago, two unemployed newlyweds

On the last day of July, Val and I celebrated our 56th wedding anniversary. Nobody is more surprised than I am by two facts: that so much time has gone by so very rapidly, and that we are still happily, together.

Of course, everyone at the time they take their marriage vows intends for the marriage to last forever. But a great many don’t seem to last, so it is a nice surprise for those of us who, despite the usual rough patches and statistics to the contrary, not only manage to stick together, but remain happily coupled.

In some ways, our marriage did not have an auspicious beginning. Although neither of us were extremely young and already held good jobs, within a few months of getting married, both of us became unemployed.

While I managed to find temporary publicity work, Val, a qualified project engineer, could not find a good opportunity in New York, but did receive two offers: one in St. Louis and one in Chicago; he chose the latter.

We were so naive, we never even asked his new employer about paying for our move, (they would have) but packed our belongings ourselves. One of my favorite memories is of my new husband struggling to fashion a cardboard cover for the ironing board. It took several hours, yards of tape and quite a few unprintable words on his part before the job was complete.

In all, we sent 44 boxes, each one packed by us, via parcel post to Chicago. Now, 56 years and 14 moves later, I’ve become an experienced moving survivor and use that expertise as part of my work at Pearce Senior Services, helping others through the process.

When we arrived in Chicago, it was late at night and raining. The small apartment-hotel where we had a reservation had lost its power and looked eerily foreboding in flickering candlelight.

Famished, and tired after our plane trip, we left the hotel to search for some nearby place to have a late snack. As we were walking, the heavens suddenly let loose with a drenching rain. Exhausted and miserable, I had had all I could take, and so I stopped dead in my tracks, sobbing uncontrollably and refusing to take another step unless Val promised to take me back to New York in the morning.

Of course, by morning when the sun came out, Chicago didn’t seem quite so terrible anymore. Looking back, I realize that for some reason, many of our moves coincided with rainy weather.

Four years and two sons later, we left Chicago for one year back in New York, and then off to Val’s engineering assignment in Japan. Upon arrival, we moved into the completely unsuitable doll-size cottage reserved for us, only to be hit by the month-long “nyubai,” or Japanese rainy season.

A more experienced wife by now, I didn’t cry, but firmly insisted that Val inform the company they needed to find us a better (translation, American-sized) place to live.

Our move from Long Island to Connecticut was no cinch either. I came first in order to accept a job offer, and commuted weekends for two years until Val was able to join me.

Moving so many times, raising three children and having a variety of careers has taught me to recognize that life is a series of changes, so you might as well accept and try to enjoy whatever advantages each one presents.

I am sure the reason I have been able to weather all the changes is due in no small measure to the one reliable constant in my life ... the love and support of a wonderful partner.

Thank you, Val, for 56 exhilarating years.

I'm reading: There we were 56 years ago, two unemployed newlyweds

Taking your eyes off the road for a second can change lives forever

Although I doubt that the majority of my senior readers multitask while driving their cars, everyone should be aware and even alarmed by the recent research which has revealed the dangers of distracted driving.

Since drivers using cellphones are four times as likely to cause a crash as other drivers, you or I could suffer the consequences of someone else’s momentary distraction.

The research also indicates that hands-free devices do not eliminate the risks because the conversation, itself, is a distraction. Some experts feel that a hands-free law actually makes driving riskier by seemingly condoning the practice of calling while driving.

Volunteers driving a simulator were found to become so focused on some conversations that they missed surprises, like another car running a light or a dog appearing at the side of the road. Sending text messages while driving, proved even more difficult and the volunteer slammed into the virtual car in front of her.

The younger generation has become so dependent upon a multiplicity of communication devices (cellphones, laptops, BlackBerries, navigation devices, and MP3 players) that attempting to do without them for even a short period of time is like trying to take a pacifier away from a baby.

Tantrums and outrage and cries of “freedom infringement” ensue. But what is the point of carmakers adding air bags, anti-lock brakes and other safety features, if at the same time they continue to add multimedia systems: audio, video, GPS, audio books and now on the drawing board, a voice command system that will allow drivers to surf the Internet?

Each new device encourages drivers to look away from the road, to momentarily search for a song title or to check for messages or the location of the nearest gas station. Sometimes, one moment of inattention is all it takes and lives are changed, forever.

My father, who had worked for the Pennsylvania traffic department as a young man, was perhaps extra strict. When he finally agreed to teach me to drive, he would not even permit the radio to be playing or any lengthy conversations to take place.

If he were alive today, he would surely be aghast at the numerous common distractions we accept. Only a handful of states have banned the use of cellphones while driving.

One problem is that there isn’t any long-term data on crashes caused by distracted driving. Although cellphone use has increased eightfold from 1995 to 2008 to where it now stands at 270 million, 21 states do not even include a box on accident forms for police to check electronic devices as a cause, and many drivers do not admit to having been on the phone at the time of an accident.

That leaves the fight against car distractions to a small group of people who are aware of the dangers, many who have already lost someone in an accident. The rest of us can push for more laws to ban use of distracting devices while driving or at the very least, encourage our family members to pull over to the side of the road before using anything that could cause them to lose their focus on the task at hand.

And although seniors may not be guilty of using distracting devices, they need to be aware that as they age, their response time has diminished, their eyesight and other faculties, not as keen. The AARP course, 55 Alive, given regularly at most local senior centers, is a helpful way to update your skills. Senior Helpers, a caregiver service, suggests that families hire a part-time caregiver to serve as a driver and companion when they become aware that their elderly loved one can no longer drive safely.

As my Dad often reminded me, “Always remember, Jeanie, when you are driving, a car is like having a lethal weapon in your hands.”

I'm reading: Taking your eyes off the road for a second can change lives forever

Elder abuse often rises in these dark times

Statistics often hide a variety of inter-related facts in addition to the one or two results they were designed to reveal.

For example, we learned recently that unemployment had hit a worrisome 9 percent, signaling our economy was not, as yet, entering a recovery phase. One of the hidden side effects of the poor economy, with more families in financial distress, is that elder abuse is on the increase.

Loss of income has caused families who had lived separately to combine households. Younger members are taking extra, part-time employment to make ends meet, and seniors on fixed incomes cannot pay for essential services. The result is additional stress on all concerned.

People don’t like to talk about elder abuse. In fact, of federal dollars spent on domestic violence, 92 percent is allocated for child abuse, but aging and frail seniors are just as vulnerable as children, and often as unable to complain.

One of the most common forms of abuse is financial exploitation by family members who often rationalize their behavior by saying, “It’s family money, anyway,” or they earn what they take because they are acting as a caregiver. (Mrs. Brooke Astor’s son is now in a lengthy trial on charges of mismanaging his mother’s estate and conspiring with her attorney to have coerced her to change her will.)

Of course, not all abuse is of a financial origin, nor is all abuse always intentional. Sometimes caregivers are overwhelmed by the demands of an elderly parent, and there is often lack of emotional support from siblings who are not nearby. Even for well-meaning and loving caregivers, the level of care required may exceed their ability and their skills.

Demented individuals who exhibit disturbing behaviors pose excessive care-giving demands.

The word abuse covers a wide variety of behaviors, from actual physical violence of some kind to failure by a caregiver to satisfy the older adult’s basic needs or to protect the person from harm. Isolation or abandonment, inadequate living arrangements and constant berating can all occur even in a “protected” institutional setting, as well as at home.

Reported abuse in America is thought to affect approximately 450,000 people annually, but since only half of the cases are formally reported, the actual prevalence range may be more than 1 million.

If you suspect someone is a victim of abuse, you may anonymously call Elderly Protective Services at (888) 385-4225 statewide, or (203) 974-8027 locally, or the Domestic Violence Hotline, (203) 736-9944.

They will need the abused person’s name and house number, and they will, within five days, unless it is an emergency situation, make a professional call. They are trained to do this in a very low-key, courteous manner, and they will interview the elder person and the caregiver, separately, to determine if there is anything wrong.

If the elderly person is in a nursing home, you can seek help from the long-term care ombudsman.

The following may be signs of inadequate care or possible abuse:

- Physical injuries.

- Inappropriate clothing or clothing that is soiled.

- Poor hygiene.

- Deficient nutrition leading to loss of weight.

- Person has anxiety or fear of caregiver.

- Depression or withdrawal.

- Frequent requests for escalating medication.

- Repeated falls and hospital admissions.

- Inability of the senior to account for money or property.

- Loss of Social Security or pension checks.

I'm reading: Elder abuse often rises in these dark times

These vacations give travelers a real lift

Want to feel good, do good and enjoy a money-saving vacation at the same time?

Sheryl Kayne, author of “Volunteer Vacations Across America,” has investigated and catalogued more volunteer vacation opportunities than I ever imagined existed. Many of them are very suitable for seniors and are not necessarily limited to the summer months.

For example, one retiree and his wife who live in Florida, take a yearly volunteer vacation at either of the beautiful Ghost Ranches in Abiquiu or Santa Fe, N.M. The artist, Georgia O’Keeffe, lived in Abiquiu for many years and the landscape is spectacular. Volunteers work the front-desk reception, in the gift shop and the education and visitor center. In exchange for working five hours a day, you pay only half the housing fee and meals are included.

Another different opportunity, also in the Southwest, is a five-day program sponsored by Ambassadors for Children. You work side by side with Native American children.

Another organization offers a seven-day volunteer vacation program tutoring children of the Navajo Nation in Tuba City, Ariz. The Navajo Nation is the largest reservation in the United States.

Closer to home, volunteer to spend part of the summer at the Hole in the Wall Gang camp in Ashford, Conn., helping children who have cancer and other life-threatening illnesses. The camp also has weekend sessions from fall through spring. Started by the late Paul Newman, applications are available at www.holeinthewallgang.org.

If you love riding the rails, connecting with people and American history, a joint venture between the National Park Service and Amtrak may be for you. Select the section of the country you would most like to visit ... different routes offer different programming.

The book has a complete chapter of activities for people whose passion is animals and animal rights, from sampling wildlife in New York City to helping care for gibbons in Santa Clara, Calif.

There are boat- and land-based opportunities and work may include maintenance chores, data collection or educating the public. The Wyoming Dinosaur Center offers a free training program in fossil preparation, before a one-week commitment, and the majority of volunteers are seniors.

There is sea turtle preservation in Savannah, Ga., an endangered elephant sanctuary in Tennessee and a wild wolf sanctuary in New Mexico, to name only a few of the many opportunities available to those who like to work with animals or wildlife.

Opportunities for the entire family are also covered. Whether your interest area is cycling, horses, surfing, the theater or farming, there are volunteer opportunities to match your interests and availability. Be sure to ask about the specific chores you will be responsible for and the time commitment required.

Ask about the average workday, relaxation time and the activities enjoyed by previous volunteers. Be forewarned, the author suggests, that this is not an ordinary vacation where you might expect everything to be done for you.

Volunteer vacations are working vacations, but reward those who participate through mutual growth, understanding and experience. They are reciprocal … benefiting both the person who serves as well as the recipient.

While there is no substitute for this information-packed book; the Web site, www.1-800-volunteer.org, is a national database of volunteer opportunities that enables you to search for a place to volunteer or browse organizations. Happy vacationing, whatever your plans may be.

Jean Cherni is founder of Senior Living Solutions, a retirement advisory

I'm reading: These vacations give travelers a real lift

A talent to be sure, but c mon now, people

In the media and public frenzy over the death of Michael Jackson, once again, I feel completely out of sync with the times.

Never a fan of “pop” music, I purposely viewed several hours of some of Jackson’s most popular early videos like “Thriller,” “Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough” and “Man in the Mirror,” which sold worldwide in the millions, and for the life of me, I still fail to see what all the tremendous hullabaloo is about.

Yes, some of the dance moves are remarkable, but so were Gene Kelly’s, Mikhail Baryshnikov’s and Bob Fosse’s (who Jackson obviously copied).

Certainly, he was an accomplished showman ... that one sparkly glove, the short pants and white socks which focused attention on his footwork, the tilted hat (used by Judy Garland, Jimmy Durante and others).

His voice, sometimes barely audible, seemed to me, a completely forgettable high-pitched monotone delivering endlessly repetitive lyrics.

Perhaps the secret to his mass appeal was his fantasy persona and equally fantasy life: A talented African-American child plucked from obscurity and raised to dizzying heights.

Like Madonna, he was constantly evolving into what was the current “hot button” in American culture. In the last decade, he epitomized our growing confusion over changes in standards and morals. Plastic surgery and skin treatments rendered him neither black or white, male or female, but a nonracial, nonsexual fantasy combination that could relate to everyone.

Even his moonwalk, where he slides backward while appearing to be moving forward, is part of his essential persona of contradictions. His lifestyle in Neverland was also based in unreality to such an extent that despite his phenomenal earnings, estimated at more than $700 million, he was deeply in debt.

Although, as of this writing, all the facts regarding his death are not known, it is obvious that despite his fame and fortune, he was an extremely troubled person.

Dying prematurely, especially before his last highly anticipated concert tour, assured his continued popularity. It is very likely the series of appearances might not have lived up to their over-blown expectations; especially since he was in ill health and pushing himself to the limit in order to pay off some of his high-interest loans.

I wonder if our idolization of the over-the-top lifestyles and bigger than life personae of certain celebrities is because we find dealing with the day-to-day realities of our present world too difficult and depressing. If so, it is an unhealthy adulation and escape.

I am aware that he brought much pleasure to millions of fans and that is a special and wonderful ability, but I still feel there is something repellent when so many people feel the need to be present at a huge memorial to Michael Jackson that a lottery must be held for tickets.

Shouldn’t we be admiring those individuals who are making medical advances that save lives or those working to improve the environment, help the thousands mired in poverty, or striving to create a more peaceful world? Fantasy has its place, but surely that place is not on a pedestal.

I'm reading: A talent to be sure, but c mon now, people

Let s all keep our eyes open around the pool

Drowning is the second highest cause of unintentional death for children ages 1-4 and 10-14. Parents and grandparents should not be fooled into thinking that their child is safe just because he/she knows how to swim.

Pool accidents can happen very suddenly and without warning, so it is imperative that all family members follow some basic safety precautions, especially if there is a swimming pool at home.

Never leave a child alone near water, even near small portable pools, buckets or fountains. There is danger of drowning even in small bodies of water.

Never allow a youngster to swim alone or without adult supervision.

Children with no knowledge of swimming should not be in or around the pool.

Children under 4 should be accompanied by an adult when in the pool.

Enroll children in swimming lessons taught by a qualified instructor. Lessons won’t make them “drown-proof,” but it will increase their safety and allow them to have fun in the water.

In case of a backyard swimming pool, make sure that the cover of the pool is completely lifted over the pool and not partially open. Also, be sure there is a lifesaving flotation device near the pool, as well as a first-aid kit.

Many accidents are due to broken or improperly installed drain covers. New drain covers are designed to resist UV degradation and prevent body parts or hair becoming trapped due to suction.

A home pool should be surrounded by a tall fence with a gate that locks.

Teach children to never dive or jump into unknown water or dive in shallow water and to always obey no swimming or other warning signs.

Perhaps most important of all, be observant. Supervise children’s activities. Simply being near your child is not supervising. Adults should take turns paying close attention.

Here are some good questions that parents and grandparents can ask children to help them prepare for fun in the sun.

1. Is it better to walk or run around the pool? Why?

2. What should you do if you drop your favorite toy in the pool?

3. Should you jump into the pool to try to save a drowning person?

4. What should you do if someone is in the pool and they need help?

5. How do you dial 911?

6. Is it all right to get into the water when no adult is close by?

7. Should you ever swim by yourself?

If you enroll a child in a swim class, look for programs that teach gentle, gradual, child-paced curriculums. Request a free skill assessment so lessons are geared to the level and readiness of the child. No child should grow up with a fear of the water or be denied the many pleasures of engaging in swimming and other water sports.

I'm reading: Let s all keep our eyes open around the pool

It’s a fee for all at banks these days

I’m undoubtedly dating myself, but remember that popular slogan in the ’60s, “You have a friend at Chase?” Nowadays, your bank is not necessarily your best friend.

In fact, although the new Credit Card Accountability Responsibility and Disclosure Act doesn’t take effect for about eight more months, banks are already figuring other ways to recoup the monies they will lose in interest and fees.

While credit card interest rates are usually tied to the prime rate, which fell from 5.25 percent a year ago to 3.25 percent now, the national average rate for credit cards has actually risen over that period to 12.4 percent.

So, even though banks are getting billions in bailout money, credit card interest rates have zoomed, and many card issuers are also slashing credit limits, which can cause immediate damage to the credit scores of consumers who carry balances.

Incidentally, if you don’t want credit card applications coming to your home, you can register at www.optoutprescreen.com. Rewards programs are also less rewarding, with banks now charging fees when you claim your reward. According to Jean Chatzky, financial editor for NBC’s “Today Show,” we also need to be on the lookout for the following, which may be in the offing:

%Higher checking account fees: Monthly account maintenance fees may be raised especially for customers who don’t maintain significant balances.

%Higher overdraft fees: We already see overdraft fees as high as $35 when you spend more than you have in your account. A new fee called the tiered overdraft fee means with each successive overdraft, fees go up. Many banks now also have sustained overdraft fees, which means if you don’t pay off the overdraft amount plus the fee, in full, an additional fee will be tacked on. These overdraft fees are often charged on debit and ATM transactions.

Debit cards make it easy to get into trouble, as most banks automatically enroll customers into their “overdraft protection” program, explaining that you will be protected if you should charge the debit card with more than you have in your account.

Actually, the one who is protected is the bank, since once you have over drafted, you have automatically taken out a bank loan at a high interest rate. Banks also do something called “stacking the debt.” Their computers are programmed to process withdrawals, not in the order you make them, but by the largest first. If the largest takes you over your funds, you will incur fees on all the smaller transactions, as well.

%Minimum balance fees: Charged on a checking account unless a minimum balance is maintained.

%Teller fees and telephone banking fees: Visiting the counter or using the phone to check your balance could cost you. Fees for mailing your bill instead of receiving it online could also incur a charge.

Chatsky suggests that smaller, community banks tend to be slower to increase customer fees, and she advises trying a not-for-profit credit union.

Lastly, before opening any account, ask the bank for a copy of the fee account schedule for a consumer account. They are required to give it to you, and you can then make comparisons among various banks and choose the one that is best for your needs.

Forewarned is forearmed. Meanwhile, remember to give Rover a pat on the head. He’s still your best friend, no matter what your bank balance.

I'm reading: It’s a fee for all at banks these days

A tip of the cap this day to all good men

This year, Father’s Day falls on the first day of summer, giving us a double reason to be grateful and to celebrate. It is a day when we should honor not only our own fathers, but all the men who have acted as father figures in our lives.

The word, father, is often used to honor spiritual leaders, inventors and originators of an idea or product. Fathers have always been associated with guidance and protection.

I was fortunate to have two father figures in my life. My Dad, a tall, lanky, quiet Pennsylvania Dutchman, who, having been raised by a widowed mother and two maiden aunts, respected and understood women (as much as is possible for any member of the opposite sex).

My other father, with whom I spent every summer, was my childless Uncle Gill, an outgoing outdoorsman and animal lover with a hearty laugh and endless patience.

Fathers are such important figures in a child’s life.

For boys, he is the ideal they aspire to become. Both extremes in our society, the very poor and the very wealthy, suffer from his absence due to either abandonment or work overload. Girls, too, are the products of their father’s influence. He is the final arbitrator, the court of last resort.

Their father is also their first relationship with a member of the opposite sex. They will, according to their experience, either choose a future husband similar to, or the exact opposite from, their own father.

My dad had a very strict moral compass that never wavered. First and foremost, I was always to listen to my mother and never to be disrespectful to her or any other adult. If I disobeyed this, punishment was certain and swift.

I was also taught never to accept money for favors or help given to friends or neighbors. The only “honest” money was money you earned by the sweat of your brow. One of the most lasting lessons of my life was the example set by both my parents who saw people of all cultures, colors, faiths, political beliefs, social and economic levels, as inherently good and of equal importance.

My uncle taught me a love of nature and the outdoors. He was the one who showed me how to fish and swim, handle a bow and arrow and a gun and even how to drive a tractor. He once took me into the forest after a big forest fire so I could see and learn from the devastation it can cause.

My aunt and uncle lived in a remote area near a lake in Michigan where there were few if any other children nearby. In the summers I spent with them, I learned how to use my imagination to entertain myself.

Swinging on a rope swing hung from a huge, shady tree, or playing in my tent in back of the house, I devised all sort of make-believe games with only my dolls or Raffles, the family dog, for company.

I wonder what happens to the development of imagination in some of today’s children who depend on video games for their entertainment. One of the treats of a father-child relationship is just being quiet and in the moment, together.

You grandfathers have a special opportunity to help your grandchildren experience these quiet, bonding times.

Father’s Day is also a day to remember and thank the men who mentor boys through organizations like Big Brother or just by setting good examples in their own lives.

It is said that small boys become big men through the influence of big men who care about small boys. Happy Father’s Day and welcome summertime to all.

I'm reading: A tip of the cap this day to all good men