Heroes who perished at World Trade Center will be among those remembered

Memorial Day is a day of remembrance, and while it honors those who served and perished in past conflicts, what will come to my mind tomorrow, is the faces and the words spoken as I watched the recent dedication of the World Trade Center Memorial on television.

We have waited such a long time for the completion of this memorial, but from the news reports I read and the excellent television coverage I saw, it appears to be a comprehensive, well-thought-out and tasteful tribute to all those who perished and the many who came to help on that terrible day.

I still can vividly recall that morning when our New York daughter-in-law phoned to tell us to turn on the television as a plane had just accidentally flown into one of the towers. As we flipped the dial, the second plane was just imploding the other tower, and we realized at that awful moment — this was no accident.

Watching what followed was a special shock for both of us as Val had previously worked for an engineering firm located on the 82nd floor of the North Tower, and while I had not commuted daily as he had, the Connecticut real estate company where I worked had its headquarters in the South Tower, and I had made frequent visits to their offices with its sweeping views of New York Harbor and the Statue of Liberty. 

I had also eaten several times at the renown Windows on the World restaurant on the 107th floor of the North Tower with its indescribably breathtaking views, but a location so high up that most of the waiters and support staff there did not survive.

The World Trade Center had attracted workers of many different nationalities and backgrounds. There were bright young stockbrokers and hedge fund managers earning huge amounts of money, secretaries and receptionists from Iowa and Texas; thrilled to be working in the Big Apple, middle-income commuters and heads of families, some just arriving for work, and electricians, cooks, waiters, maintenance crews from Mexico, Puerto Rico, China and a dozen other countries … all part of what was almost a mini city unto itself.

The heroism and the sacrifice of both the workers in those buildings and the police, firefighters or nearby civilians who all rushed in to help, as well as those who stayed for months to dig through the unimaginable rubble, is a lasting testament to all that is remarkable and special about the American spirit. As President Obama said in his moving tribute at the opening ceremony, “No act of terror can match the strength of our country.”

It is a strange fact, but because I was so accustomed to get my bearings as I approached New York by spotting those two towering buildings, even after all this time, my mind’s eye still fills them in at the space where they should stand.

I guess buildings, as well as people, live on in our memories of them. I shall always picture those two proud towers as part of the New York skyline.

What are the meaningful memories you will cherish tomorrow?

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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Made the change and will send out a flyer by the end of the day.

On various and differing odd occasions, I find myself worrying about a variety of problems; the solution to which, is most probably completely beyond my control. It may be late at night or while I’m driving down a traffic-less stretch of road, but I find I am concerned to learn that General Mills, the makers of many brands of foods, has added language to their website informing consumers that they give up their right to sue the company if they download coupons or enter a sponsored sweepstakes.

In case of a dispute, from now on you have to use informal negotiation via email or through arbitration. I can barely manage to get my bank balance by email let alone try to negotiate, and although arbitration may be an efficient way to settle disputes, how do I know the arbitrator will not favor powerful, wealthy General Mills? 

If I lose my voice or require a stomach bypass because of some poisoned object in their Cheerios, I now can’t sue because I used a coupon to buy their cereal? That’s a worrisome trend, to put it mildly. What if General Motors put in place a similar rule? If you had taken a “test drive” it could negate a suit against a faulty Cobalt car.

I am really distressed to learn of the closing of the beautiful and irreplaceable Rizzoli bookstore in Manhattan. This remarkable landmark building on West 57th Street was not only a beautiful building to visit with its cast iron chandeliers, luminous window and decorated vaulted ceiling, the specialized collection of illustrated subjects like fashion, interior design, art, architecture, photography and literature … many in magnificent heirloom-quality books, are unavailable anywhere else.

So many wonderful buildings are demolished (the Folk Art Museum will be lost in an expansion of MOMA) or overwhelmed by the continuing development of more and more luxury condominiums.

Another item relegated to the back pages of some newspapers is how in the near future, doctors may be required to consider the cost of treatment in suggesting what care plan to follow. The society of oncologists, for example, alarmed by the prices of some cancer medicines, is developing a score card to evaluate drugs based on cost and value as well as their efficacy and side effects. One example given was of two drugs, equally effective in treating macular degeneration. But one costs $50 a dose and the other an unbelievable $2,000. Medicare could save millions if everyone used the cheaper drug, but the FDA has not yet approved the less expensive one for use in the eye since it may carry an additional, but slight, safety risk.

Some drugs are so expensive that insurers are saying only seriously ill patients should be treated. Doctors are concerned about the conflict in trying to be both providers of care and financial overseers. They don’t want to be in the position of not prescribing something because it is bad for their state’s Medicare budget.

Dr. Martin A. Samuels of Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston says, “There should be forces in society who should be concerned about the budget, about how many MRIs we do, but they shouldn’t be functioning simultaneously as doctors.” And Dr. Daniel P. Sulmasy, professor of medicine and ethics at the U. of Chicago, put it right into our laps when he said, “In some ways, it represents a failure of wider society to take up the issue.”

While, I’ve pretty much given up worrying about the overwhelming state of world affairs, these other issues nag at me, and I keep wondering what I can do to change them. Is anyone else out there worried, too?

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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New Haven Woman’s Club gathered one last time for lunch recently

I was surprised and delighted by a recent invitation to join the New Haven Woman’s Club for lunch at the beautiful Sage American Grill in New Haven, but my pleasure turned to sadness when I learned that this group, in existence since 1913, which had accomplished so much over the years, was having its final get-together.

I had experienced the same feeling previously when the Branford Women’s Club (a few members joined with Madison) had its last event. More women than ever are working today, and many of the clubs have not changed with the times and found ways to attract those younger women who they need in order to survive. 

It is too bad because women’s clubs have played a very important role in our nation’s history and still contribute immeasurably to our communities well-being. Did you know, for example, that almost 80 percent of the libraries in Connecticut owe their existence to women’s clubs, which often originated as women’s reading groups after the Civil War, and it was their book collections that became our very first small-town libraries? A women’s reading club started in 1900 in Madison by Mary Eliza Scranton is now the Scranton Public Library.

“Women Working Wonders” was the motto of the New Haven Woman’s Club and in her heartwarming good-bye speech, outgoing treasurer and program chair Janet Burblis related the groups from infants to college students and the elderly that their donations have helped. From card parties to cake sales, volunteering at hospitals, driving others to doctor’s appointments, serving at soup kitchens, tutoring in schools and planting flowers and knitting hats for children, these ladies have added immeasurably to the community.

One lasting gift, a beautiful quilt which is one of two that were made by women of the club, hangs in the children’s area of the New Haven Public Library and depicts characters from the children’s book, “Where the Wild Things Are” by Maurice Sendak.

The good news is that we still have some very active women’s clubs (all members of the General Federation of Women’s Clubs) in our area, and I would encourage women, whether working or nonworking, to consider becoming part of these organizations. There are groups in Killingworth, Northford, North Branford, Mystic, Madison and Milford, to name just a few.

The Madison group has its very special biennial Gardens by the Sea coming up on June 1, which offers an opportunity to tour seven beautiful, local gardens.

Their current energetic and personable president Kathy De Burra has been honored this year by being selected to represent the state of Connecticut at the national convention in Arizona, (which, in a lovely coincidence, happens to be Kathy’s former home state).

On a personal note, although I was happily married for almost 60 years and still admire and enjoy the male sex, I have always treasured the special companionship of my women friends; even more now that age increases one’s dependency on friends. During my entire working life, it has most often been another woman who has given me a hand up, and, indeed, I owe my present rewarding career to a woman, Maureen Campbell, who 15 years ago saw the potential in a specialized service to help seniors with the complex task of selling their homes, downsizing and moving to a retirement community or even, an entirely new area.

Happy Easter, Passover and Welcome Spring to readers, female, male and otherwise.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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There is so much joy to be savored in the moment, so slow down

During a recent effort to get rid of some of the ever-increasing volume of accumulated paperwork, I came across the outline for a seminar I had given some years ago on time management.

In re-reading the outline, it was obvious that the intent is to make the entire day as productive as possible. Every hour was broken down into segments in which you had to complete a specific task.

Unfortunately, while raising three children and working, I not only tried to live that way myself, I encouraged others to do the same. Now, in my 80s, I am fully aware of how precious time is and while, if I have a deadline to meet, I can call on those time-management skills, I am more frequently apt to question activities in terms of pleasure received for time spent; my criteria now is not how much did I get done today, but what enjoyment was derived from time spent? 

That can mean having the time to re-read a favorite book or poem, to meet a friend for a leisurely lunch, to take a drive with no particular destination in mind — the only goal to absorb and enjoy the journey.

Too many of us have the feeling that whatever we are doing, we should be doing something else. We rush from one thing to the next. If you find that happening, stop what you are doing. Breathe deeply and concentrate fully on one thing for 3 minutes: a flower, a picture, an item on your desk.

You will be pleasantly surprised by how much more relaxed you will feel and how your “pace” has been automatically slowed down.

When our children get upset, we call for a “timeout.” We need to do the same for ourselves whether we are feeling rushed or get angry during an argument. Take 10 minutes to be silent and calm down while reflecting on why you became so angry. Or sometimes we find ourselves worrying about the future.

While seniors, especially, need to make plans for the future, constant worry spoils the present moment which is where our happiness truly lies. A wise doctor once said that understanding is impossible without serenity, but one can only achieve serenity when time moves slowly. And Marthe Troly-Curtin said, “Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.” Certainly, doing nothing can be restorative, but not if you are feeling guilty about all the things you should be doing.

Yale Richmond, a British author, remarking on retirement in his book, “Understanding Americans,” wrote, “Half their lives is spent trying to find something to do with the time they have rushed through life trying to save.”

Spring in Connecticut is such a special season. Few areas of the country have these days of ideal weather coupled with the breathtaking flowering of such a variety of plants and trees. After such a long hard winter, it is especially important to take the time to relax, enjoy and live fully “in the moment.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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Go easy on the lifting, bending, etc. as spring arrives

Mid-March, and we can almost start to believe that spring is just around the corner. It is a time of year when we are anxious to enjoy activities we had to forego during the bad weather, and it is also a time of year when we look at our homes and think it would be nice to “freshen up” a bit.

While we are in that mood, it would be a good idea to include looking at the risk factors for falls since they are one of the main reasons seniors end up in nursing homes. Perhaps you have been physically inactive during the recent bad weather; now is a good time to join a local exercise class and start to strengthen those leg muscles. Check your senior center, the VNA or nearby Y for spring offerings.

Since falls in the home lead to more than 2.3 million emergency room visits and 21,000 deaths in the over-65 populace, take a careful look at the following areas in your home:

Bathroom: Use a rubber mat inside the tub and a slip-resistant rug adjacent to the bathtub. Use a sturdy seat if you can’t lower yourself safely in the tub. Install grab bars in the shower or bath area. Invest in a “high” toilet or use a seat with armrests. Always keep a night light on in the bathroom.

Kitchen: Never go barefoot in the kitchen, and clean up any spills immediately. Invest in pull-out storage shelves that are easy to reach. Don’t stand on chairs to reach items. Use a “grabber.” Get rid of throw rugs!

Stairs: Keep completely free of boxes, packages and clutter. Light switches need to be both at the top and bottom of the stairs and handrails on both sides. Lighting needs to be bright so that you can see each step clearly. A good idea is to paint the edge of each step in a light color. Nonslip rubber treads on bare wood steps increase safety.

Bedroom: You need to have a lamp, telephone and flashlight next to your bed. A night light along the route between your bedroom and the bathroom can prevent sleepy stumbles. Arrange clothes in your closet so they are easy to reach. Have additional rods installed where they are accessible for you. Again, the inexpensive “grabber” is great for reaching items that are high up. A quality, comfortable mattress is important. Consider one with a motorized attachment that allows you to lower and raise the head or foot of the bed.

Living room: Arrange furniture so there is a clear pathway. Light switches need to be at the entrance to a room so you do not go into a dark space. All loose electrical wires need to be fastened down. Replace old worn, hard-to-get-out-of sofas and chairs by selecting chairs with arms and firm, high-cushioned sofas.

Remove door sills that are higher than a half-inch.

If you have animals, be alert to their whereabouts so that they don’t dash in front of you and cause you to trip.

EVERYONE WHO LIVES ALONE SHOULD WEAR A MEDICAL ALERT DEVICE AT ALL TIMES! I can’t stress this strongly enough. Falls do occur and when they do, you need help immediately. Cellphones are not an effective alternative.  

If you feel you are losing your balance and are about to fall, the experts suggest that you do not extend your arms to try to break the fall; instead, raise your arms to protect your head and try to fall on your side or buttocks and then roll over. Then, slide or crawl to the nearest chair, get on your knees and then slowly pull yourself up.

Since it is almost spring, the one fall that is always allowed is to fall in love; wonderful at any age!

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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Celebrating Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day, too

This is the first time in my memory of writing “Senior Moments” that the column has occurred between the Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day. That is probably due to the fact that although Valentine’s Day remains a constant in the calendar, Chinese New Year fluctuates and this year arrived on the last day of January, rather than the usual sometime in early February date.


This year, the Year of the Horse, is the 7th in their zodiac cycle and since, historically, the horse is the symbol of power, it should prove to be a gainful year. (I’m not superstitious, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed, just in case).


Valentine’s Day will occur Friday, previous to Sunday’s column. The two special days are not as far apart ideologically, as one might suppose. Much of the mythology surrounding the zodiac cycle pertains to personality characteristics and appropriate zodiac signs under which to find the most suitable romantic partners.


Speaking of romantic partners reminds me of an offer from the Canyon Ranch Hotel in Miami Beach for a 3-day program devoted to bond-building through intimacy therapy and a couples’ spa treatment, featuring a mud bath and massage. If any potential beau ever saw me in a mud bath, I am sure I would have remained a lifelong spinster. Along with the Times advertisement for a signed Broncos Mini Helmet for almost $400, I can’t imagine anything I would want less as a gift.


My daughter, Marianne, has always said that Valentine’s Day was her favorite holiday because other holidays celebrated the birth or death of a famous person, but Feb. 14 celebrated the person each of us chooses to love and remember. So in addition to my family and some cherished longtime friends, this year I would like to send special valentines to:


• Old beaus and long-forgotten sweethearts whose affection and attention helped me grow and gain self-confidence in the knowledge that I was, indeed, “lovable.”


• Members of Congress, who with the debt ceiling looming once again, should learn, if not to love one another, at least to work together for the good of the rest of us. A shining example and a special valentine to those on both sides of the aisle fighting to get the Equal Pay for Women Bill passed.


• Former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg for giving $650 million of his own fortune for New York causes and also to wish him well in his new position as special UN envoy for large cities to help with their problems and speed climate change initiatives.


• Congratulations and valentine wishes to Angelina Jolie, recipient of the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. She is someone who uses her fame and fortune to help others.


• Philip Seymour Hoffman, an outstanding and versatile acting talent who at age 46 should have had many more productive years in movies and the theater, but instead became another victim of drug addiction and passed away from an accidental overdose.


• A big, very special valentine to teachers, librarians, police officers, firemen, members of the Armed Forces, health aides and nurses, plumbers and electricians, waiters, sanitation workers … all the many people doing the hard, often unseen jobs, that help to make the lives of the rest of us, run smoothly.


And, if like so many in their senior years, you have recently lost someone dear to you, which makes Valentine’s Day seem bittersweet, take comfort in the wise words of Helen Keller:


“What we once enjoyed
And deeply loved


We can never lose
For all we love deeply


Becomes a part of us.”
Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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My Spring Fashion Review comes out a bit early this season

My hard-working editor (according to him), will be leaving on vacation and since staffing at the paper is somewhat reduced (did they all leave for Florida?) he has asked me to write a few columns in advance to enable him to correct my spelling and punctuation and additionally catch any unintentional print “faux pas.”

Normally, “Senior Moments” is written about 6 days before the column appears. This is difficult enough as I often have trouble exerting control over my life on a day-to-day basis, let alone weeks in advance, and I certainly haven’t a clue as to what important topics may occur nationally. However, I shall try to comply with his request, but if the next few columns seem “out of sync” with the world, you will know who to blame.

I felt a good place to start might be with my usual Spring Fashion Review since in my opinion, fashions are not only completely “out of sync” with the average woman’s lifestyle, most of them look as though they came from another planet. To add to the confusion, current catalogs from Lands’ End, Talbots and countless others as well as the department stores are all featuring spring fashions; but in New York where Fashion Week recently concluded, the designers were showing clothes for next fall.

Although in some cases, it doesn’t seem to matter. There were the usual “fashionistas,” who despite the challenge of several feet of snow in New York, wore open-toed, high heels and short skirts and looked utterly ridiculous as they tried to navigate from car to sidewalk. Everyone with an ounce of sense was living in their fur-lined Merrells or UGGs.

Uneven hemlines, some cut thigh-high to show lots of leg or in many cases, over-the-knee boots or high lace-up shoes, were featured in many collections.

There is even a new name for shoes or boots that come up to your unmentionables. They are called “shants” for shoe-pants. I have enough trouble many mornings just bending down to get into my regular shoes. I can’t begin to envision what kind of contortions are required to get into those thigh-high numbers, and what if you are in a restaurant and get too warm?

I liked some of the asymmetrical jackets. If they aren’t too extreme, they can be flattering to us fuller-figured gals, but I’ll definitely skip dying my hair a brilliant blue, purple or orange. No wonder many of the models in short, boyish haircuts with these colors were positively scowling. Also very much in evidence at all the shows were see-through dresses, lots of lace and fringe trim, multiple rings on all fingers of the hand and expensive, “designer” athletic wear. Now you’re supposed to spend a lot of money just to go to your gym workout?

In the stores, I saw the always bold combination of black and white, a great boon to those of us on a budget as one new item in either color can team up with something already in your wardrobe. Perky, colorful prints always spell spring, and if you want to stay ahead of the calendar but still need a “refresher,” a brightly colored scarf can perk up a winter outfit … ditto a yellow or green leather handbag to carry right now.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford 06405.

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Get end-of-life documents in order before it’s too late

While we have all heard the saying, “Time and tide wait for no man,” many of us don’t really believe it. When it comes to our own mortality, we all too often procrastinate, with what can be disastrous results for ourselves and our loved ones. For some advice and answers to this important problem, I talked recently with two dynamic attorneys who have joined forces to create a unique legal practice.

Attorneys Cynthia Cartier and Raymond Bower have formed Cartier& Bower, LLC, with offices in Guilford to provide practical solutions for the challenges people face in their daily lives. Offering expertise in the areas of elder law, which includes planning for long-term care, estate planning and living wills, family law, personal injury, business law and real estate, they are able to provide expert, compassionate advice. I asked them what were the most important documents that all seniors should have prepared. 

No. 1: The durable power of attorney which creates an agency relationship under which the principal appoints another person to transact business, legal and financial matters for the principal. It is effective until the death of the principal.

Why You Need It: It can prevent many problems caused by the incapacity of the principal. It can avoid the need for expensive and hard-to-obtain guardianship and conservatorship rights. It allows the person you have chosen to take quick action on your behalf.

No. 2: Appointment of a health-care representative. You appoint another individual to make health-care decisions on your behalf in case you are either incapacitated or unable to understand the consequences of a health-care decision. The designated agent may request, receive and review information regarding your physical and mental health, medical and hospital records and may employ or discharge health-care providers. They may also authorize admissions or discharges from a health-care facility and consent to the provision, withholding or withdrawal of health-care, including life-sustaining procedures.

Why You Need It: Ensures an agent exists that can follow your wishes and express them to health-care providers at a time when you are unable to do so yourself. It can help to eliminate confusion and indecision when timely decisions are required, and it avoids family disputes as to who is in charge of making those decisions.

No. 3: Advance care directive or living will. Connecticut law provides that if a person’s medical condition is “terminal” or “permanently unconscious” and such person has executed a living will expressing the intent they be allowed to die, the physician will not be liable to a lawsuit for ceasing life-sustaining measures. The form generally provides that if you are not able to make an informed decision regarding your health care, you direct the health-care provider to follow the instructions in the document. There are many possible provisions that can be included to meet your specific wishes for unusual situations or for specific religious beliefs.

Why You Need It: Helps to ensure that the treatments you will receive in a terminal or permanently unconscious situation are in concert with your wishes and provides guidance to your health-care representative.

No. 4: The will or revocable living trust answers the question of who will inherit your assets after death and the best way to pass on those assets to comply with your wishes. Both documents also should analyze the amount of various taxes that could be payable at death and then devise the best methods to eliminate, minimize or postpone their impact.

Why You Need It: If you do not have one of these documents, your assets will pass under the laws of intestacy and may not go to the beneficiaries you intend. You also lose the ability to make tax elections that could maximize the value of what you pass on to your heirs. As to which document you should choose should be decided with the advice of your attorney as there are plusses and minuses with each approach.

— Cartier & Bower are at 2488 Boston Post Road, Guilford, 203-458-1477.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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It’s all we talk about: snow, snow and more snow - ugh

“February is merely as long as is needed to pass the time until March” — Dr. J.R. Stockton

Snow, horse-drawn sleighs, a crackling fire, all look very nice in photographs or in the movies, but the realities of this Connecticut winter are not so picturesque.

In fact, like most everyone I speak with, I seem to be getting my fill of winter early this year; even though I usually shrug off winters in our state, having survived four winters in Chicago. (Now, that’s cold!) Actually, it is not even the snow or cold that are bothersome, it is the ice and the fear of falling. I drive around the block twice, searching for a clear patch of pavement on which to alight, and I amble along, head down, fearful of a sudden, unseen slippery area. I am even tempted to buy a cane although so far I’ve fought the thought.

Anyway, how does one manage packages, a pocketbook and a cane and still keep one’s equilibrium?

I guess I will have to develop that particular balancing skill because I am planning hip surgery on the left hip in early April. As part of the pre-surgery preparation, I recently spent the better part of a day at Yale-New Haven Hospital having a body scan. With a few hours to kill between procedures, I made a thorough inventory of the gift shop; even finding a cute Valentine’s Day gift for my daughter. The gift shop carries an excellent selection of unique and medium-priced jewelry and good-looking handbags in case you decide to reward yourself when visiting someone at the hospital.

This cold weather also seems to encourage me to go to bed earlier than my usual 11:30 or midnight; the down comforter and a chance to watch television with a bedside cup of hot tea, enticing me to stop whatever I’m doing and get into bed by 9 or 9:30. Lately, of course, I’m seeing more snow as I watch the Olympics in Russia.

I always thought the downhill skiers were incredible, but watching the snowboarders, taking off from a great height, hurtling over ramps and somersaulting in the air with nothing but a board, loosely strapped to their feet, is either great bravery or sheer insanity. The only way I could ever come down a snowy hill of that height is if somebody pushed me. Just looking at all the snow on television makes me yearn for hot chicken soup, and even though I know I shouldn’t, something chocolaty and probably fattening. Here’s a recipe for Cookie Dough Cocoa that fills the bill on both counts:

Whisk together, butter, brown sugar and cookie dough ice cream in a saucepan till melted. Add some water, stir till steaming, then serve with whipped cream on top. Till next Sunday, I leave you with two thoughts: The snow capital of the United States is Stampede Pass in Washington state. Each year, their average snowfall is 430 inches!

The Eskimos have 52 different words for snow. I have only one: “Ugh”!

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

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Korean seniors hanging out at Queens, N.Y., McDonald’s treated like Hamburglars

Always outspoken about senior needs and rights, I was fascinated and conflicted when I read about a McDonald’s restaurant in Flushing, Queens, N.Y., where two police officers ordered a group of elderly Korean patrons to leave the restaurant.

It seems the group, often on walkers and with canes, regularly shuffled into the restaurant as early as 5 a.m. and stayed all day, treating the eatery as their personal senior center.

Officers have been called in, the group leaves only to walk around the block and return again, taking up seats and causing the restaurant to lose other customers.

According to the paper, there is no shortage of facilities that cater to the elderly there. A compromise was brokered by Assemblyman Ron Kim, which called for the patrons to limit their loitering to less than an hour from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. So far, it has only been working part of the time.

The story brought a smile to my face; but on a serious note, as the population ages, we all need to pay more attention to the special needs and feelings of the elderly.

Our own Branford Senior Center is difficult to enter for many seniors, and just recently I complained at a doctor’s office in Madison because their tiny bathroom lacked the requisite handicapped toilet.

All too often, streets in our towns, especially the side streets in New Haven, are icy and dangerous, days following a snowfall, forcing seniors to stay at home or risk falling when they venture out.

On Social Security
Also in the news are some changes in Social Security benefits. Workers retiring this year at full retirement age (currently 66), will see an increase from $2,533 a month to $2,642. If you are already on Social Security, your increase will depend on the level of your 2013 benefits, but benefits will go up 1.5 percent or an average of $19 per month. Based on the Consumer Price Index, during the past 25 years, COLA has averaged 2.74 percent; a relatively modest amount when you realize the increase in many basic living costs, yet some in Congress would like to lower the cost-of-living adjustment.

The maximum amount of pay that can be taxed for Social Security in 2014 will be $117,000, which means Jamie Dimon can sleep soundly at night. His raise as head of JPMorgan Chase to $20 million will hardly be affected. (Can anyone really be worth that amount of yearly compensation?) The Social Security tax is 12.4 percent, shared equally by worker and employer, but additionally, each also pays 1.45 percent for Medicare with no salary cap.

In 2014, if you are between 62-66, are receiving Social Security but continue to work, there is an earnings limit of $15,480 (an increase of $360 over previous years) before you start to lose some of your Social Security dollars. After full retirement, you are permitted to earn any amount with no penalty to your Social Security; a good rule since many seniors are planning to continue to work, well into their later years.

Meanwhile, I think this senior will forgo using credit cards for awhile. After this week’s news of data breaches at Neiman Marcus and Target, it will both save my money and my peace of mind.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Korean seniors hanging out at Queens, N.Y., McDonald’s treated like Hamburglars

Ought to be an Oscar or Emmy-type award for seniors aging with courage

The Oscars, considered the definitive movie award, doesn’t occur until March 2, but already there have been a series of other awards, including The Critics’ Choice Awards and the Screen Actors Guild Awards, both televised and overly long and often featuring the same elegantly dressed actors looking up from their food in mock surprise as their name was once again announced. But additionally, there are such an incredible amount of various and sundry other awards, you would have to be either a novice or incompetent, not to have received something. Still to come, are the British Film Awards in February as well as their Rising Star Award. I’m not sure when the PGA or Outstanding Producers Awards or the Peabody for distinguished public service by a radio and television station, occur.

We also have the Emmys, tonight’s Grammys, the Golden Globes, the Broadcasting Press Guild, not to mention an amazing array of film critics awards; each area from San Francisco to Toronto having its own Film Critics Association Award. It is impossible to keep track of them all.

Meanwhile, there is a large aging segment of the population dealing daily with the various problems, pains and inconveniences of growing older, and they receive little notice; let alone, an award. I was thinking about this late the other night after watching the delightful PBS show, “Downton Abbey” when I had one of those brilliant moments of clarity (which somehow always occur late at night when nobody is around).

As I was contemplating my own aging and trying to estimate what some of my future needs would be, I thought, I don’t need a special award or even a party for each additional year I manage to survive.

What I would dearly love is an “Anna”, the personal ladies maid to Mary, on Downton Abbey. She could brush my wayward hair in the morning, do the laundry, help me choose an appropriate outfit for the day’s activities, bring me tea when I am tired and act as my adviser and confidante. Carson, the butler would be an elegant added touch although there is no dinning staff to oversee and there are only three doors to open in the entire apartment. You can’t really expect butlers to open closet doors, can you? “After all,” my imaginary conversation with myself, continued, “Since my mother was born in England, this is really not putting on airs, but simply part of my heritage.”

But of course, in my heart of hearts, I know that for me, like many who are aging, there will be no Anna and perhaps not even a nearby relative to be of occasional help. Yet, every day in my work, I see first-hand how courageously many seniors are dealing with the multiple challenges that are part of the aging process. So here’s to all you seniors — I personally bestow a special Senior Lifetime Achievement Award. “Bravo” and “Well Done.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Ought to be an Oscar or Emmy-type award for seniors aging with courage

Look before you leap when picking a retirement community

Perhaps it is due to the chilly weather this time of year in New England, but a favorite topic of many magazine articles is where to move in order to live like royalty on your retirement income.

Of course, quite a few articles promote Southern locations, but surprisingly, spots like Iowa, Maine, Michigan and Texas are also recommended; none of which are known for their soothing climates. These articles have long been a pet peeve of mine because cost of living should not be the most important factor in making a retirement decision.

If cost of living is unusually inexpensive, there’s probably a reason, and it could be something that would be very detrimental to a fulfilling lifestyle. Very low taxes, for example, are likely to mean poor or below-standard municipal services. If cost of living is so cheap, will good doctors, dentists and hospitals be available? What if you want to work part time? Would employment be available?

Are there a variety of restaurants, some local theater, interesting programs at a well-staffed senior center and library? If these are of importance to you, you might find it advantageous to move to smaller quarters in your current town or to a smaller town in your same area, than to pull up stakes and head to the unknown. 

Local customs and ways of thinking also vary greatly from state to state. I could never feel comfortable in a state where everyone totes their guns to the local movies, nor would I be able to make friends in some conservative Southern towns where my sometimes brash New York ways, would be decidedly out of place.

Several websites as well as a recent article in the AARP magazine (which is usually unbiased and more accurate) extolled the good life for less and were misleading, to put it mildly. Daytona and Ormond Beach, Fla., were cited for their low property taxes and housing prices. One of the reasons housing is so inexpensive is that in the wake of the recession, housing prices in the area fell 47 percent, on average. 

What if you were a retiree who lost your lifetime savings in the crash? Bangor, Maine, was another “retirement haven.” While it does offer the American Folk Festival and three days of free music in the summer, those winters and the winter heating bills (unless you are up to chopping wood) are not for the frail. As for eating out, the article mentioned a popular diner for blueberry pancakes.

Another touted city was Grand Rapids, Mich., but the woman cited in the article was living in a low-income apartment, which if you qualify and can wait for, exist in almost every area. Again, taxes are low, but Michigan winters are extremely long and severe and the entire state has been adversely affected by the failure of the Detroit auto industry.

The AARP article also mentioned Greenville, S.C., as a retiree haven, and that at least, sounded more plausible. Car insurance and property taxes were so inexpensive that a couple could now afford to join the local country club for only $150 per month and enjoy, social events, sports and the pool.

One of the last towns mentioned in the article, Pocatello, Idaho, somehow sounded familiar. Pocatello has Idaho State University’s special seniors program open to anyone who is 50-plus years of age at a cost of just $35 per semester for unlimited classes. Utilities are cheap and the base lift at the nearby Pebble Creek ski area is only 5 minutes away.

But Pocatello kept ringing a familiar bell in my brain, and I suddenly recalled an article in The New York Times about this town. When I dug it up, the headline was, “Idaho Town Struggles After Pinning Hopes on Failed Plant” and it told the sad story of how Idaho has fallen from 37th place in per capita income to 49th, kept from the bottom only by Mississippi. It also has the fifth highest crime rate in the nation.

In 2007, a Chinese polysilicon factory broke ground on 67 acres of land which the city bought, hoping to bring back the prosperity that had left with the manufacturing and railroads. The factory never was completed, and with the global collapse of silica prices, no one else wants it.

Young people are leaving the town in droves with the nearest available work at a potato factory, paying $10 an hour. And yet, the AARP article had called Pocatello a “Northwest wonderland.”

The lesson to be learned? Before making any move, do thorough research on government websites, and make several visits to the area, surrounding towns as well as the one you have selected. Thenrent for a short period before deciding to make a final move. You might find the New Haven area, or a small Connecticut town, offers the most (if not the cheapest) fulfilling retirement lifestyle.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Look before you leap when picking a retirement community

Todd Patkin’s ‘Finding Happiness’ wants us to stop being so nice in ’14

In last week’s column, I wrote about a book that suggested a monthly calendar of activities for the next year to increase your happiness. Sure enough, I’ve just come across another recently published book, this one by Todd Patkin, suggests you should make 2014 the Year of the Quitter, and why stopping these 12 habits will make it your best year yet. So in the interest of fairness and diversity of opinion, from Patkin’s “Finding Happiness,” here are some suggestions for the new year.

Give up on relationships — the ones that aren’t working. Some people drain your energy, and no matter how hard you try, you can’t get along with them. Others are negative and wear you down. This could be the year when you make plans to avoid those people.

Stop being so nice. If you allow yourself to be taken advantage of in order to please someone else, it’s time to stop. Dishonest politeness never developed sincere relationships. Having a smaller number of true friends is healthier than trying to make everyone like you.

Stop working so hard. Think about balance in your life, instead of a new height in your career. Being a workaholic can bury you in stress, anxiety and depression. Achievement doesn’t always equal happiness.

Lower the bar. You may be shocked to learn that you probably expect too much of yourself. Whether the issue is your appearance, your house, your family or your job, you try for perfection. And on top of that, you most likely focus on what you do wrong. This year, it is time to realize that you are only human, and thus fallible, so sometimes you will mess up. Lower your expectations and celebrate your successes.

Ignore the Joneses. In America, we are constantly comparing ourselves to our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers and even people we see on TV. Constant comparisons only leave you feeling jealous and unhappy. Don’t use another person’s life as a measuring stick to determine how good your own is.

Don’t focus on your spouse. As a partner in love and life, you should be your spouse’s biggest supporter and coach, but don’t let that blind you to your own needs and responsibilities. Stop focusing only on your spouse, and figure out what will make you happy. If spending all of your time and energy on your spouse or on others is the norm, you need to figure out what is important to you and do what fulfills you. You can’t live your life primarily to please others.

Stop pushing your kids so hard. As parents, we really care about our kids and want them to have the best possible futures, but too much pressure can cause children of any age to burn out and make self-destructive decisions. It is crucial to remember that success and happiness aren’t the same thing. Love your children for who they are, not for how may A’s they get. And forget “quality time” with your kids. You can’t make up for working 70-hour weeks by taking a trip to Disney World. Life is found in the everyday moments. Kids are perceptive: They can tell if they always take second place in your life.

I guess the reason for the popularity of the numerous books on finding happiness and aging well is that it is human nature to want to become better, not just older, and a new year presents a new opportunity. One of my favorite quotes on that subject is from Barbara Kingsolver, who said, “The hardest part will be to convince yourself of the possibilities, and hang on. If you run out of hope at the end of the day, to rise in the morning and put it on again, with your shoes.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St., Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Todd Patkin’s ‘Finding Happiness’ wants us to stop being so nice in ’14