Celebrating Our Collective Birthdays

S.E.A. is throwing a party “In Celebration of Aging “and all readers of this column, their friends and families, are invited. S.E.A. or the Shoreline Eldercare Alliance is a non-profit, educational clearinghouse and one stop help resource for all those navigating the waters of aging. We are all going to be one day older tomorrow than we are today so it makes sense to learn how to age better, healthier, smarter and have fun while doing it.

This free event-party will be held on Thursday, April 29th from 4-7:30 at The Village at Mariner’s Point, 111 South Shore Drive, overlooking the water in East Haven. The keynote speaker is Dr. Gerard Kerins, well known geriatrician for the Hospital of Saint Raphael who will talk about the critical issues in caring for a loved one. Professional experts will show ways of preserving your memories, there will be an art exhibit, water therapy and relaxation technique demonstrations, massage, and free bone density and blood pressure screenings. Sample delicious food offerings from local vendors and taste delights from a chocolate fondue fountain while enjoying a variety of musical entertainment including the fabulous Blossom Tappers as well as a silent auction.

In addition to Dr. Kerins, a panel of remarkable seniors will discuss their secrets to happy longevity. I am pleased to serve as the moderator for the panel which will include Lucille Clark, Helene Rosenberg, Irene Potacki, John Nolan and Rosemary Riccio. Another panel presentation will feature the financial professionals, Marcia Turner, Mark Connell and Sylvia Patterson discussing planning strategies for your tomorrow. Major sponsors of the free event are Hospital of Saint Raphael, Yale New Haven Hospital, and The Village at Mariner’s Point, Omni care of Connecticut, Vitas Hospice Care and Guilford Savings Bank. Please call The Village at (203) 467-00067 if you plan to attend. See you there!

The Shoreline Eldercare Alliance came into being a little over two years ago when a few professionals involved in the care of elders were discussing their concerns about the many clients who became confused and lost in the maze of elder care; not knowing what was available they often made poor decisions. Professionals also know the difference the ability to make timely choices can make… choices made in a time of crisis often turn out to be unwise.

Bernadette De Guilian, a geriatric care specialist was one of S.E.A.’s founders and there are now twenty-two members (including your columnist) representing various professions related to elder care. Their mission is to educate and raise public awareness about elder care issues and to help seniors and their families make healthy choices throughout their lives. A group of S.E.A. members is also available to give free talks to service groups, agencies, churches and other community organizations. S.E.A. may be reached at (1-800-426-65086).

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A Last Minute Decision Equaleda Happy Week-End in Santé Fe

“Momma… you really need some time off and I can meet you for the week-end” my daughter said. Fortunately, I had enough airline credits to cover a trip and a chance to spend time with my San Francisco daughter is a rare treat so a quick decision to meet in Sante Fe (which I had never visited) was made. Very early Friday morning, I shared the Connecticut limo to La Guardia with an interesting young man, born in Puerto Rico but educated in Connecticut, who was leaving to live and teach in the Dominican Republic. He spoke several languages and had traveled extensively. Although he said he would miss some modern American conveniences in the Dominican Republic, he liked the slower life pace and the neighborliness which he felt was disappearing in America. Wishing him well, I departed at La Guardia, boarding pass already in hand as I had downloaded and printed it via my computer. I also was bringing just a carry-on as almost all airlines now charge for any checked luggage. I wore shoes and a sweater that were easy on-off items going through security but despite all these precautions, I find that for
senior travelers, these are no longer “friendly skies”. There are long lines everywhere and most airline personnel seem too busy to be very helpful. Many of the airports like the Dallas/Fort Worth airport where I changed planes, are huge and require a great deal of walking. Flight attendants are not supposed to help with your luggage so I constantly felt like Blanche du Bois in “A Streetcar Named Desire”, dependent on the kindness of strangers to heft my bag into the over-head bin. Usually, some nice gentleman came to the rescue but only after I had blocked the aisle and my fellow passengers, while waiting for some help.

The warm late afternoon air of Sante Fe greeted me, following an hour’s ride from the airport which is in Albuquerque. The scenery was an immediate contrast to what I had left behind in Connecticut. Instead of greenery and cheerful daffodils and cherry blossoms, all was brown; sagebrush , cactus, and buildings of terra cotta. While you do see the Sanbia mountain range in the distance, the immediate landscape is vast and flat. I also found my allergies came out in full force; like many of the residents, I learned I am very allergic to their juniper trees. However, the hotel was adobe style and charming… decorated in soft, desert colors and accented with brightly patterned Navajo rugs and pottery. A small balcony gave me a view of the near-by town plaza where most shops and restaurants are located. Marianne and I had dinner at a new place in town where the kitchen is open to the dining area and you can watch as your dinner is being prepared. Delicious! Breakfast buffet at the hotel the next morning, however, and I was in trouble. The scrambled eggs were made with red and green peppers and chili was also on the menu for breakfast. Featured prominently on the buffet table were Tabasco sauce, catsup, black beans and mustard. Santé Fe excels in museums but in deference to Marianne who is not the museum addict I am, we visited only one the following day… the Museum of International Folk Art.
Folk art is art that is made with materials that are at hand and usually by self trained artists. There were an amazing variety of absolutely beautiful objects made from simple materials such as wood, wool, clay and straw. A large part of the collection was donated by Alexander Girard, a New Yorker who was famous for his unique designs for Herman Miller furniture, Braniff Airlines and the now closed La Fonda del Sol restaurant in Manhattan. The playfulness and sense of color he found in folk art became part of his life and his distinctive designs. In the afternoon, we enjoyed an open-air tour of the entire town; viewing the many elegant art galleries lining Canyon Road and seeing Loretto Chapel, perhaps the oldest church in America. Sante Fe is a shopper’s town and features one of a kind, handmade items (most quite expensive) from unusual patch work leather or fabric handbags to eye-popping turquoise and silver belts, brooches, bangles and rings. I exercised great restraint and only bought a colorful basket to add to my kitchen wall collection.
The final day of my three day excursion was spent in Albuquerque with former Long Island neighbors who I hadn’t seen in almost thirty years. It was wonderful to renew our friendship and to enjoy their beautiful home which has a view of the mountains by day and the sparkling lights of the downtown by night. However enjoyable my visit, I somehow always felt I was out in the middle of no-where and learned that this part of America would never be a place, I would choose to live. The long weekend had been a much needed respite and change but I was grateful to head back to the greenery of New England, Connecticut, and home.

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This Winter Weather Is Getting Under My Skin

When I awakened last week to see our small corner of the Connecticut shoreline resembled a frosted birthday cake, I momentarily enjoyed the sight but then, getting dressed and piling on the warm clothes, I felt impatient for winter to be over. “March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb” I muttered in an effort to encourage myself. Upon reflection at breakfast, however, I realized I was feeling more impatient of late….. and not just with the weather but with a host of every day occurrences. It could be the weather has been affecting my temper control gauge but here are just a few annoyances that have gotten under my skin lately (my mother used to call them things that gave her the heebie-jeebies).

•Calling a telephone number and being plugged into a menu of choices My problem is never one of the six choices on their menu and after I have listened to the firm’s latest promotional pitches, my account balance, their web site, after hours phone numbers and newest locations in Arkansas, I am screaming into the phone and madly pushing zero. “I want to speak to a representative” I shout.

“I’m sorry”, another slightly sterner recorded voice replies, “That is not a valid answer”. Now near tears, and repeating each syllable as one might when trying to communicate with a 3 year old, I try. “ I want to speak to a live person…. I need help”. If I’m lucky, a recording may finally respond, “Someone will be with you momentarily”….. after which, I will only have to endure fifteen minutes of awful guitar strumming music alternated with “Your call is very important to us” before reaching a living, breathing, English speaking individual. If it is an unlucky day, I am either connected with their branch in New Delhi or there is that sudden fatal click and disconnect leaving me no choice but to return to the menu and repeat the entire agonizing process all over again. Equally as frustrating as the “menu”,is the programmed robot voice right out of “The Stepford Wives”. It can apparently hear you but can only respond to certain words when it asks you its pre-set questions. If, for instance, you say, “That is not the problem” instead of the requisite “yes” or “no”, you throw the poor thing into a state of confusion and she(have you ever noticed its always a female voice?) will insist on starting over.

•The cost of movies, like my supplemental health insurance, seems to increase every time I turn around. Even a senior ticket is no bargain and then certain theaters have the gall to tell you you’re forbidden to bring in your own candy. I would like to see a copy of the law that says I have to pay three times the price for my Hershey bar in their theater. You can bet that I’m going to smuggle my Snickers no matter what they say.
• I could probably do an entire column on rude drivers but some of the worst offenders are people who don’t signal causing you to wait un-necessarily to make
a turn or to slam on your brakes when you realize they are going to turn. Other drivers who should be banished are those who insist on having their radios at full last. Even with my windows shut, I nearly jump out of my seat belt when one of those blare-mobiles suddenly pulls alongside me. Of course, I can’t leave this category without citing cell phone addicts who put my life as well as theirs at risk
by putting conversation before attention to driving. Just plain stupid!

Oh well, Daylight Savings starts next Sunday so can Spring be far behind? Perhaps then, along with the flowers that bloom, tra la, I’ll find more patience for my fellow human beings…. even the recorded ones.

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Perhaps you noticed subtle changes in mom or dad

Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays are often a time when adult children and other relations who have not been around aging parents the rest of the year, are all under the same roof for several days or perhaps, even an entire week.

Sometimes, living in close quarters again, families become aware of certain changes that have occurred in the senior’s behavior. As a retirement and home-transition adviser, I often receive concerned calls from family members just after a holiday.

They want to know how to best help their aging relative or if a move to a retirement community would be a possible solution. Here’s a checklist for family members to help in making some basic decisions:

‰First, realize we all change as we age, but the senior individual has a right to make his or her own choices, even when we disagree. You need to find solutions jointly for any problems and discuss them in a caring and concerned way. Your first goal should be to help the older relative find easier methods for doing what they have always done. For example, are they safe managing stairs or would a chairlift be helpful? Perhaps a room on the main floor could be used as a bedroom.

‰Narrow, flimsy cellar steps are dangerous. If the laundry is still in the basement, it could be done at a Laundromat or make sure the steps have rubber treads and put a handrail on both sides, if at all possible. Perhaps the laundry facilities should be moved to the main living level.

‰If the individual lives alone, no matter what their age, they should be wearing a call alert system at all times.

‰Is there a bath on the main floor and are there grab bars by the tub and toilet? Would a comfort height toilet or a walk-in shower make life easier?

‰If they are still driving, are they having any fender benders or are there dents in the garage wall? Do they pass stop signs or have trouble at intersections? For help in discussing driving issues and information about AARP driver safety programs, call 1-888-227-7669 or go to aarp.org/drive. And it is a good idea to research alternative transportation choices before bringing up the subject of driving less or giving up the car.

‰Are they taking all medications in a timely manner? Would a pill organizer help? (Some organizers even have timers as a reminder.) Are there some meds that might be affecting their driving abilities?

‰Medicare open enrollment season ends Dec. 31. Do they need to update their coverage? For help, go to www.aarp.org/medicare.

‰Is their financial and health information in one place and does someone in the family know where to find it in case of an emergency? Do they have any unpaid bills or are they having concerns meeting their bills?

‰Perhaps they are not aware of some of the new helpful products on the market that are senior friendly. There are phones that have family photos next to speed buttons or phones with voice-activated features, portable readers that not only allow instant access to virtually every book, but also allow you to set the print size. There are also alert systems that trigger flashing lights so the hard of hearing are aware when someone is at the door and even home monitoring systems which would allow you to check on a loved one.

‰Sometimes, even with all the available possibilities, the family home is no longer the best choice and a move will not mean loss of independence for the senior, but actually increase their independence and lengthen their life span. Independent and assisted-living communities provide transportation, recreation, exercise, nutritious food, a safe environment and most important, the opportunity for daily stimulation and socialization.

If you would like a helpful list of what to look for when considering these types of communities, write or e-mail me. Planning in advance is a good way to start the new year.

Contact Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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