Slowly but surely, we're learning to live with less

Unbridled spending and conspicuous consumption are no longer popular. Even if you or someone in your family is not one of the unlucky members of the long-term unemployed, the general economic uncertainty both here and abroad has created a renewed interest in cutting expenses and returning to the “simple life.”

If your stock portfolio has sunk to new lows, it may offer some small comfort to learn that the 10 richest Americans lost a combined total of 39.2 billion this past year. But it is not just wealthy Americans who are saddled with too many things.

Thanks to my daughter, I was introduced recently to a remarkable online video, “The Story of Stuff,” by Annie Leonard, which has now been viewed by millions worldwide.

Annie says that Americans spend most of their dwindling leisure time either watching television or shopping. She makes a convincing case for the production and disposal costs of our “stuff” in health and environmental problems. You can watch the 20-minute video at www.storyofstuff.com.

Another interesting website called “The Great American Apparel Diet” was formed by a group of women and two men who are attempting to completely eliminate new apparel from their diets for one entire year. Even though there is a footwear and accessories loophole, this is still a difficult assignment.

Like most women, they are attached to their wardrobes, and buying something new is as natural as a chocolate pick-me-up. The ages of this group ranged from 19-60 and their reasons for joining were varied. Some have lost their jobs or made career changes and want to cut their spending, while others are tired of consumption and are concerned about the environment.

One member said she had enough clothes to last a lifetime, but always feels she never has enough and needs to learn to live with what she has. Another member felt she spends too much time thinking and talking about clothes.

I certainly applaud their efforts. I think I could manage it, provided I could engage the accessories loophole. I am, admittedly, a pocketbook collector and have a vast assortment in all shapes and colors. However, research shows that the money spent on experiences such as vacations, sports or leisure activities brings the most lasting pleasure.

Additionally, saving for and anticipating these events increases our happiness, as does sharing experiences with friends and family.

Following are some additional tried-and-true methods to help you save:

-Ask for senior or other discounts wherever you shop. They are often available, but not offered unless requested.

-Refinance your mortgage if you can reduce your interest rate. Also, if you have at least a 20 percent cushion, you can get rid of PMI insurance.

-Look for free checking accounts and credit cards that offer rewards.

-Pay all credit card bills promptly. Never pay interest.

-If using a credit card is too tempting, only pay in cash.

-Combine cable, Internet and phone service for savings.

-Cut out cable channels you really don’t need or watch.

-Rent DVDs from the library or use Red Box at your grocery for $1 per night.

-Share magazines with your neighbors.

-Use newspaper and Internet coupons.

-Shop thrift stores and garage sales for used items that you need. No impulse buys.

-Stop smoking.

-Track expenses for two to three months and see what you can cut out.

-Buy out-of-season and take care of what you have so it will last.

-Don’t shop without a plan or when bored. Instead, go to a museum, a talk at your library or one of the many free events in your area.

“I have learned to seek my happiness in limiting my desires rather than attempting to satisfy them.” — John Stuart Mill

Contact Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

I'm reading: Slowly but surely, we're learning to live with less

If you've got a bit of room left on your summer reading list

Although many people prefer winter as the time to curl up with a good book, I find I often catch up on my reading during the summer. Winter weather invigorates me, and I become involved in projects; while summer makes me lazy and more inclined to relax in a lawn chair, or curl up in air-conditioned comfort with book in hand if it’s as unbearably hot as it has been this past month.

For some reason, I seem to favor biographies or nonfiction, and for those of you whose taste runs along similar lines, here are a few selections I particularly enjoyed:

-No. 1 on my list and one of the most outstanding books I’ve read in a long time is “The Immortal Life Of Henrietta Lacks,” the amazing but true story of a poor, African-American woman whose unique cancer cells provided science with many of the most important medical discoveries of the past 100 years.

It is also the story of author Rebecca Skloot’s determined search for the story behind the amazing HeLa cells. Skloot is a scientific journalist, but she creates a story as exciting as any novel while raising some important bioethics questions. I couldn’t put this book down.

-No. 2 “Half the Sky” by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn. Kristof has been one of my favorite writers ever since he started reporting for The New York Times. Always a fighter for the poor and oppressed, he has become especially passionate about the oppression of women in the Third World.

This book, written with his wife, is about individual women who are responding in a grass-roots way to gender-based violence. It is a testament to the strength and resilience of women who, despite the odds, never give up. It is an inspiration and a call to arms for the rest of us to help those fighting injustice.

An important book about saving the world, one woman at a time. The title is from an old Chinese proverb, “Women hold up half the sky.”

-My third choice is “Making Toast” by Roger Rosenblatt, a small book that makes a big impression. It is a memoir about his daughter, Amy, who at age 38, died suddenly, leaving her husband and three young children.

Rosenblatt writes in an understated way, but with wit and feeling about how he and his wife move into their daughter’s house and take over the terrifyingly difficult work of filling the void in the children’s lives while trying to come to terms with their daughter’s death themselves.

The title, “Making Toast” comes from the one job that Rosenblatt is able to accomplish to everyone’s satisfaction. When one of the children asks, “How long are you staying, Boppo?” ... he responds, “Forever.”

His book is a tribute to the beauty and strength of a family’s devotion.

-And my last recommendation, even though I am only three-quarters of the way through, is “Perfection” by Julie Metz, a piercing memoir of her discovery of her husband’s deceptions while she was still grieving over his loss.

The book sheds light on certain types of individuals who can be charming and exciting and seem self-confident, but in reality are in constant need of reassurance and admiration. Her recognition that her life before her husband’s death was not what she thought, her struggle to retain some of the good of her marriage while putting her life back together, is another “hard-to-put-down” read.

While it is not my intention to start another “Oprah” book club, I would be interested to hear from readers of this column about their recent favorite books.

If one or two books turn up on everyone’s list, I’ll mention them at some future time.

Contact Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

I'm reading: If you've got a bit of room left on your summer reading list

Chelsea and Marc picked a date near and dear to our hearts

Since I wish Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky many years of wedded bliss, I am willing to forgive them for unintentionally infringing on my special day and getting married on July 31, the same day on which Val and I celebrated our 57th wedding anniversary this year.

In addition to the many years separating us from Marc and Chelsea, our circumstances as a young, about-to-be married couple were also vastly different.

The Clintons are reputed to have spent almost $5 million on the wedding; I doubt if ours cost more than $500. I paid for my own wedding gown (a simple ankle-length, lace-trimmed dress in blush pink).

There was none of the family arguments or over-the-top months of planning that many television “bridal shows” would have us believe is now commonplace. Our New York City acquaintances were invited to attend the candlelight ceremony in Flushing’s Unitarian Church, but the small reception at the Swan Club on Long Island near my parent’s home was limited to family and a very few longtime friends.

My aunt came from Michigan and made the floral arrangements for the table; my New York City roommate was my maid of honor and only attendant; my cousin sang at our wedding and my uncle served as the official photographer. There must have been a small band at the reception because I remember Val twirled me in such a fast pace to the polka, I became red-faced and out of breath.

It was, I still recall, a beautiful wedding and a perfect day ... almost to the very last.

Weeks before the wedding, in the apartment I shared with two other working girls, I had laboriously packed my honeymoon suitcase, carefully placing my going-away suit and lacy nightwear between layers of tissue paper and scented sachets. Since ours was an evening ceremony, we planned to spend the first night at the Waldorf Astoria hotel in New York before leaving for our honeymoon in Canada.

When the reception wound down, Val and I departed by limo for New York, but instead of going directly to the hotel, Val told the driver to stop at his apartment (which was to become our apartment, since he had the cheapest rent). It seemed he needed to pack his suitcase.

Upon arrival at the apartment, I was shocked to learn that not only had he neglected to pack anything, there were dishes piled sky high in the sink. “Now, I know why you got married ... You just needed someone to do the dishes,” I railed at him. But there was no help for it; the limo driver and I had to wait while Val nonchalantly threw a few things together in a battered suitcase while remaining maddeningly calm throughout my sobs and tirade, a trait that has helped him survive subsequent temperamental outbursts over 57 years.

Val is a procrastinator; I want everything accomplished immediately. He is frugal; I tend to some extravagances. I am gregarious and outgoing while he is quiet and contemplative. I’m sure any of the Internet dating services that couples use today would never have matched us up.

Nevertheless, we work well as a team; our strengths and weaknesses apparently complement each other. Perhaps our marriage has lasted because I think we both have tried to put the needs of the marriage before the wants of the individual, but that has never meant that we have not done things as individuals, separate from one another and in keeping with our own special interests.

Val has always understood and encouraged my need for outside stimulation and involvement in meaningful work, and I have tried (not always successfully) to understand his engineer’s obsession with details and his stubborn need to question everything at least three times.

While it would be nice for any couple to start married life with good jobs and an ample bank account, as the Mezvinskys are, Chelsea, more than many young brides, must be painfully aware that those factors alone won’t supply the glue of commitment that holds a marriage together. She and Marc have known each other a long time, and she appears to be a young lady who is both bright and down to earth as well.

So here’s to you, Chelsea and Marc ... may you not only share our wedding date, may you eventually share a 57th anniversary date as well. Good luck, God bless and mazel tov.

I'm reading: Chelsea and Marc picked a date near and dear to our hearts

Guilford's library has been in good hands for many years

Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a pretty little town on the Connecticut shoreline, a nice lady by the name of Clarissa Sage left money in her will for a new library building. A generous gentleman, Mr. Frederick Spencer, contributed the land and finally on Aug. 5, 1933, the first shoveful of earth was removed by Martha Cornell of Church Street and that, dear readers, was the start of the Guilford Free Library.

If a library reflects a town’s hopes and dreams, then an amazing but modest 102-year-old woman, Edith Nettleton, who began as the library director in 1933 and served as the library’s director for 44 years until 1978, is as much part of the library as the bricks and mortar and architectural details of the beautiful building gracing the Green, today.

Due to the kind invitation of Nancy Elderbaum of Guilford, I recently was one of more than 100 guests on the latest of many honorary occasions; this one in celebration of Edith’s 102nd birthday. I am also indebted to Patti Baldwin, head of the Reference Department, for her help while researching this column.

Edith Nettleton has been described as an individual as rare as a rare book and her history as well as the fact that she still serves as a volunteer at the library several days a week, attest to that. She grew up in Guilford, starting school in a one-room schoolhouse on Clapboard Hill, then graduating from Guilford High School. Afterward, she went to Springfield, Mass., and became a librarian.

When the Guilford library association wrote and asked her if she could suggest someone to serve as the town’s first librarian, she responded, “How would I do?” and was promptly hired. At first, she and two volunteers not only served as the solitary staff during library hours (three days a week from 2-5 and 7-9) but they worked many additional hours when the library was closed, in order to get everything done; even driving many of the books each week to the Church Street school as the schools did not have their own libraries.

It is interesting to note that two other women have been instrumental in the growth of Guilford’s library. When Jean Baldwin moved to Guilford in 1952, she was dismayed to find that there were no school libraries for her three children so she joined the PTA and worked to establish a volunteer library at several of the schools.

In 1961, she used her considerable energy, talent and love of libraries by becoming Guilford’s associate librarian and eventually, upon Edith’s retirement, library director. Following Jean’s retirement in 1987, Sandy Ruoff, the present director, has continued to obtain the newest technologies and innovations while still retaining the warm, service-oriented appeal that is a hallmark of the library.

In 1960, the library Board of Directors created a development committee to estimate expansion needs. By 1964, the town population had grown from 3,000 to more than 8,000 and the library staff had grown from one full-time person to four. Hours the library was open each week had grown from 15 to more than 59.

Despite the obvious need to expand, the first plan proposed was turned down as being too modern.

The 1977 addition, designed by the Madison architect Gilbert Switzer added 15,000 square feet to the original 5,000-square-foot building and the latest addition in 2008 of 14,000 square feet. brings the total size to 34,000 square feet.

Of course, libraries today, in addition to an ever-increasing collection of books, now also house computers, records, films, art prints and serve as an advanced data base for information on a variety of subjects. They also act as lecture and entertainment centers for the community.

Edith Nettleton was the recipient of the inaugural Guilford Lions Club Award as Woman of the Year in 1972, was honored by the Whitfield Historic Society on the occasion of her 90th birthday, and in July of 2003, the library’s Guilford Room where she spent many hours cataloguing the bits and pieces of Guilford’s past, was re-named the Edith B. Nettleton Historical Room. The room features floor-to-ceiling glass bookcases, two fireplaces, window seats and wing chairs which face the arched windows overlooking the Guilford Green.

Guilford residents can take pride in their outstanding library and the woman who devoted her life’s work to helping it grow.

“Perhaps no place in any community is so totally democratic as the town library. The only entrance requirement is interest.” — Lady Bird Johnson

I'm reading: Guilford's library has been in good hands for many years