Some folks pay good money for the advice I'm about to give you here

Summer is a time of warm weather, longer days generally filled with sunny skies, green grass and flowers; it’s a time to relax, take it all in and enjoy. But some of us are so weighed down with worries and numbed by problems, that they are simply trying to survive each day.

Although I count myself a most fortunate individual, there are times when trying to care for my increasingly frail and forgetful husband, Val, and continuing my work as a senior adviser to others puts so much pressure on me that I can become negative and resentful.

I am also witness to the struggles of both friends and clients who are trying to deal with issues such as the death of a loved one, a major move, divorce or unemployment.

What I am slowly learning is that happiness comes when we learn to stop wishing that circumstances were different; when indeed, they are beyond our control. Happiness is figuring out the best way to react to what is happening, here and now. It is the everyday choices and habits that fill our days and how we think about them.

I have always been a planner and goal-setter; not a bad characteristic in areas where control is possible, but now I am in a situation in which definitive future plans are impossible. Although this is difficult and contrary to my nature, I am trying to learn to live in the moment.

At times. I can clearly recall my mother’s voice, when I would want the time to move quickly toward some anticipated event, “Jeanie, live now. Don’t wish your life away,” she would say. Here’s what I’m finding helpful:

Exercise: With a bad ankle, walking distances is painful, but water exercise not only strengthens my body, it is a natural antidepressant. Although it is not always easy to get up for an early morning class at the Shoreline Y, it is the most energizing way to start the day. For others, a walk in the woods, or exercising with a friend can make a big difference in how you will feel for the remainder of the day, as well as improve your sleep at night. Choose a form of exercise you enjoy, do it regularly and you will find your happiness index will go up.

Plan Some Special Activities for Yourself: Make a list of things you really enjoy (or formerly enjoyed) and then develop a plan to accomplish one or two each week. Perhaps finances or time no longer permit long vacations or trips to New York museums and theaters. There’s the Yale University Art Gallery and the Yale Center for British Art right in New Haven, the Wadsworth Atheneum in Hartford, the Florence Griswold Museum in Old Lyme and so many outstanding theater groups, that they are too numerous to mention here.

You might take a day trip with a club or senior group, attend a local lecture, read a stimulating book, and then share it with a friend. Just do whatever makes you feel good.

Learn Something New: Take a class and make new friends while learning something different, whether it is a foreign language, photography, golf, painting; choices are endless and focusing on a new hobby takes your mind off your troubles and makes you feel good about yourself. Fall course catalogs will soon be out, so start thinking about it now.

Spend Time With People Who Help You Feel Good: That may or may not include family members. Sometimes, certain friends are the ones who make us feel at our best ... seek out these people, even if you haven’t seen them in awhile and suggest meeting for coffee or a picnic lunch. Reach out to strangers ... a warm smile or kind remark can brighten the mood for an entire day.

Accentuate the Positive: Sometimes at the end of a difficult day, I have to remember to look for three good things that happened that day for which I am grateful. I even jot them down and at the end of the week, I realize anew, how very much there is to be grateful for. Hardest of all for me but perhaps most important is to ...

Live in the Moment: Do you sometimes find yourself worrying about the future so much that only your body is physically present? If so, you are dwelling on things beyond your control and missing what is here and now. All any of us have is today, this hour, this moment. It is our choice to make this a summer of happiness.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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We the people ignore issues of importance at our own peril

“Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.”

— Abraham Lincoln

When my mother was alive, she used to point out to me that England, in some respects, had a superior form of democracy than America; citing police who only carried nightsticks, not firearms; the government-supported free broadcasting station; elections not dependent upon raising huge sums of money; and, lastly, the British habit of automatically forming an orderly queue.

The fact that she grew up in England and was likely to remember some of it through rose-colored glasses may have prejudiced her viewpoint, but she would have been aghast (as I was) when details emerged about the closing of News of the World, Britain’s most-read Sunday newspaper. Investigations on both sides of the pond have been launched into the blatant flaunting of the law by Rupert Murdoch’s staff and the degree of power over the police and top politicians which Murdoch, himself, wields.

One can only hope that this expose will lessen his power to make or break key figures in government.

Of course, he still owns the widely read Sun tabloid, which likely will now publish on Sundays, replacing the closed News of the World. Here in America, he owns the Wall Street Journal and the New York Post.

While our press, so far, has not stooped to the gossipy, vindictive level which seems to be the British norm, the ever-increasing appetite for news of celebrities and pseudo-celebs is fed by magazines, gossip sheets, Twitter and Web sites devoted to rumor, rancor and ridicule.

Time Inc.’s most widely read magazine is not its flagship news magazine, but People, which is mostly filled with news and gossip of movie stars and celebrities.

Since news can be disseminated at lightning speed, as it is now, we tend to absorb it in sound bites; there is often too much coming at us to be able to deeply consider any one issue. I was surprised at the consuming interest in, as well as the almost violent reaction to, the verdict, in the recent Casey Anthony trial.

While Anthony turned out to be a disgusting person and pathological liar who was probably responsible for her daughter’s death, I wondered why so many followed the trial so closely and obsessed over the death of one small girl, but never became informed or upset about the millions of children slain in Darfur or, for that matter, how cuts in health care clinics here in America will affect many children.

As many leading newspapers have folded (and with them the demise of investigative reporters and crusading editors), as our television news has become less analytical and more sensational, as news stations like Fox (another Murdoch property) hire people in politics as newscasters and consultants, we are very much in danger of repeating Britain’s mistake in our own country.

This could serve as a wake up call for America. We need to support noncommercial television, insist upon accountability from all news media, full disclosure of income sources for candidates and their spouses, as well as for judges and members of the Supreme Court, and limits on corporate contributions to political parties and candidates.

The health and vigor of our democracy is dependent upon the trustworthiness and impartiality of our news sources, and in our paying attention to issues of importance rather than seeking pleasure placebos in slick gossip or flaming rhetoric.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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One more thing before you go - on vacation, that is

Whether you are traveling far away or just taking vacation time nearby, you want to relax and enjoy it and not be worrying about your house while away. Here’s a suggested list of things to take care of before you go:

IN ADVANCE

-Deliveries. Ask a neighbor to pick up mail, newspapers, etc. on a daily basis while you are away. For longer vacations, notify the post office to hold all your mail and stop delivery on your newspapers.

-Trash. Have a friend get your garbage and recycling to the curb or keep it in the garage until you return. Do not leave cans out for the week.

-Plants and Animals. Make arrangements to have someone water your plants and feed and walk your pets or call in advance to make boarding arrangements for your cat or dog. If going away for a lengthy vacation, it is good to give your pet a short “trial run” well in advance to be certain they will adjust to their new environment. Also, make arrangements for lawn to be mowed and outdoor shrubs to be cared for.

-Security. You may wish to contact your local police station to let them know you will be away. In some areas, they will periodically check your home. If you have alarm systems, be sure they are in working order and notify the companies that you will be away. Also, be sure to leave word with a neighbor. Buy light timers and put them in place. Valuables should be taken to your safety deposit box. Check your homeowner’s insurance to be certain it is paid up and offers needed protection.

-Contact. Ask a trusted friend or neighbor to serve as the contact person for the police and the alarm company. That same person should have your complete itinerary and cellphone number in case of an emergency. They also should have a key to your home and know how the alarm system works.

Remember to bring them a thank you gift from your travels.

-Car Travel. Have oil changed and tires checked. Make sure the GPS is in working order, or get appropriate maps from AAA. Prepare emergency kit for car and if traveling with children, pack snacks and games.

-Bills. Often overlooked, but especially important nowadays with high late charges on bank credit cards. Pay these in advance, or call your credit card companies to determine when your next billing cycle is due.

BEFORE LEAVING-Food. Dispose of any perishables that go bad quickly. Change pets’ water bowls and kitty litter box. Leave ample supply of food for them.

-Electricity. Turn off lights that are not on timers. Unplug all nonessential appliances and electronics. For longer periods, also turn off electric water heater at the circuit breaker. If it is very warm, leave the air conditioner on a low setting.

-Doors and Windows. Leave shades and curtains in their normal position. Secure all windows and doors, and place metal rods in the track of sliding glass doors.

-To conserve water and prevent flooding, turn off all faucets inside and outside the house. However, if water is needed for plants or animals, leave a supply in pitchers or in the refrigerator.

-Post your list of what you have done prior to leaving so that upon your return, you remember to restart all appliances, turn on water, pick up your mail and any boarded animals. You might be surprised how easy it is to forget something if you don’t check it off after coming home.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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We need extra-large fish hooks and more women as heads of state

A few days ago, I very nearly earned the imbecile of the week award (and if there isn’t one, there should be).

I had put two plastic shopping bags on the back seat of the car; one containing some old summer clothes destined for Goodwill, the other contained a brand new bathing suit which I planned to return to T.J. Maxx.

As I reached the end of Hotchkiss Grove, I noticed a small container for used clothing on the right side of the road and decided that would be an even quicker drop-off than stopping at Goodwill. I pulled over and then, always in a hurry, I grabbed a plastic bag and tossed it down the chute.

It wasn’t until I reached the store that I realized I had inadvertently grabbed the wrong bag and had just donated a brand new bathing suit. Feeling annoyed and foolish, I drove back to the “scene of the crime” and looked at the container.

The container was completely secure, although there was a name and phone number on the front. Wishing I had a long fishing hook of some kind, I drove home dejectedly.

However, it started me thinking about the many things we sometimes do in haste and then regret: the criticism uttered that we wish we could recall, the action taken without enough forethought or the ill-conceived plan because we had an idea and hurried to get the desired result.

This also brought to mind the numerous recent scandals caused by several famous men known for their brilliant minds who did such stupid things that one can only think they must have momentarily blacked out.

I’m sure both former Gov. Schwarzenegger and U.S. Rep. Anthony Weiner, along with Eliot Spitzer, Mark Sanford, John Edwards and Sen. David Vitter all wish they had that long fishing hook of recall, but today’s lightning rod media movement gives no one a second chance. And I have only mentioned Americans in government who have strayed.

The list would be considerably longer if it included Europeans and Hollywood men.

According to David C. Geary, professor of psychological sciences in Missouri, men who pursue politics are also pursuing power, and one reason they don’t even think about getting caught is that there seems to be a correlation between testosterone and risk-taking with severity of the consequences underestimated.

Geary added that “women, on the other hand, tend to focus on the potential harm of the consequences.” Now I ask you, dear readers, could there be a better argument not only for worldwide woman suffrage, but also for having the female sex as heads of state?

We would probably achieve an end to wars, a balanced budget with money left over for outstanding schools and social programs to cover the young, the poor and the elderly.

The men, meanwhile, could put all that testosterone and competitive spirit to building better interstate highways, developing innovative ways to save the environment, and vying with one another to see who would be anointed the next “Iron Chef.”

Incidentally, using my good feminine logic and powers of persuasion, I called and left several messages with the phone number of the charity listed on the aforementioned collection container.

Eventually, “Chick” responded and told me when he would be emptying said container, waited for me, and I was able to rescue the errant plastic bag with bathing suit intact.

P.S.: Chick was a real gentleman, and didn’t even try a fanny pinch as I bent over to retrieve the bag.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

I'm reading: We need extra-large fish hooks and more women as heads of state