Nothing wrong with giving yourself an early present

Although I’m trying to prioritize and simplify this Christmas, going into New York to see the lighted displays and especially the tree at Rockefeller Center, has been a time-honored tradition since I was a child.

Last week, I did just that, but instead of combining it with any shopping in the crowded stores, I spent most of the day in a way that never fails to refresh and delight me ... visiting the Metropolitan Museum of Art.

In addition to the Met’s own exquisite, traditional tree adorned with angels and creche pieces made in the 18th century, their newest gallery, several years in the making, and featuring masterpieces of Islamic Art, is now open.

More than 1,000 objects from the Islamic Near East, Central Asia, India and the Islamic West, Spain, North Africa and southern Italy, are in the collection. The suite of 15 galleries, organized by geographical area, cover a span of 1,300 years and highlight the many distinct cultures involved.

The galleries are simply overwhelming in their scope and beauty. There are immense, intricate carpets, delicate and beautifully embellished glassware and china, glazed and colorful ceramic tiles, daggers and swords with jeweled handles, engraved panels and doors excavated from India and Iran, fragments of delicate Egyptian textiles, paintings, exquisite calligraphy, and indeed, an entire room replicating one of the grand residences of 18th-century Damascus.

The beauty and the variety of the objects and the care and elegance of the way they are presented, is nothing short of magnificent. As readers of this column know, my two passions are theater and museums, and I go to both as often as possible, but this exhibit left me breathless and once more uplifted and encouraged by the beauty humans are capable of creating. It also made me want to seek out, small but unique and perhaps hand-fashioned gifts for those I will be remembering this Christmas; the kind of gifts, incidentally, that are more usually found in our excellent local shops, the Guilford Art Center and our church fairs and bazaars.

This past Sunday, courtesy of the invitation of an old friend and neighbor, I was able to partake in another cherished Christmas tradition; this time, a live theatrical musical adaptation of the much beloved, Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” at the Shubert Theater in New Haven. It was an excellent and charming production, but if you missed seeing it, many movie versions will be on various television channels between now and Christmas.

Now that I’ve nourished some of my own needs, I can start to consider how to make Christmas a special time for those who are important to me. My heartfelt wish is that you are all able to do the same.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Somewhere along the line we simply lost our way

Black Friday has come and gone and still my email and letter box are filled with so many specials from “one day only,” to “25 percent any day of your choice,” to “friends and family” discounts and “lowest price of the season” that even if I was in a get-ready-for-Christmas mood (which I’m not, having just barely digested Thanksgiving), I am so thoroughly confused, I wouldn’t know where to shop for what.

One Target employee, Anthony Hardwick, who is a hero in my book, decided he wanted to spend the holiday with his family and not at work. He went to the Internet site Change.org, which was known for a recent petition to get banks to roll back debit card fees.

Thinking a few friends or family members might sign, Hardwick created a petition requesting stores to maintain normal business hours. He was surprised at the huge response. More and more people feel these should be holidays, not national shopping days.

Blue laws once banned shopping on Sundays as well as major holidays; now Massachusetts and Rhode Island are the last states to restrict shopping on Thanksgiving. A recent study that tracked prices found that contrary to what many believe, the best prices for many major household purchases was not on Black Friday, but during the January clearance sales.

A new website, so far tracking prices only for electronics, Decide.com, will pull prices from around the web and help you decide whether to buy now or to wait.

I find all of this “shopping madness” beyond my comprehension. People are sleeping overnight in tents, so they can be the first in line, not to buy food for the table, but in order to buy one of a handful of bargain-priced, large-screen televisions or hard-to-find video games?

This kind of behavior seems especially out of sync with today’s economic picture, which has determined a new and growing classification of Americans, the “near poor.” Especially interesting, was the fact that more than half of the 51 million in that category had fallen into that group from higher income levels due to taxes and unexpected medical expenses.

Still, our Congress is considering cuts to, or privatization of, Medicare and at the same time refusing to raise taxes on the very wealthy. Single-parent households and aging widows are especially at risk of falling into the near-poor category as prices and the cost of living rise, but their incomes do not.

Another disturbing indicator for our economic future is the fact that the difference in college graduation rates between the rich and poor has widened by more than 50 percent since the 1990s. Our nation and indeed the nations of the world are in a period of great change.

In last week’s column, I wrote about my efforts to set new, more realistic expectations for the holidays along with more fulfilling ways to celebrate. Perhaps as a country, we need to re-think some of our values. We were a country that valued thrift, rewarded hard work, had compassion for the unfortunate and offered equal opportunity for all.

In our rush to consume, to be valued for what we own rather than who we are, those qualities that made us strong are often forgotten.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Gatekeepers will be looking out for our senior neighbors

A unique program that helps seniors at risk, first implemented by St. Luke’s, a nondenominational charitable organization chartered back in 1865 in Middletown, is being introduced to New Haven County.

Known as The Gatekeeper Program, the goal is to educate community members (especially those who regularly are in contact with older adults) to notice and identify seniors who are potentially at risk or in need of assistance.

As Dwight Norwood, a social worker and director of the program explained, the breakdown of close-knit families and neighborhoods has resulted in many more seniors living alone who are isolated, depressed or in need of help.

Modeled after a successful program founded in Spokane, Wash., 32 years ago, Gatekeepers reaches out in a variety of ways to elderly residents living on their own.

The program works this way: A postal employee, beautician or neighbor notices signs that a senior is in need of assistance. They call the Gatekeeper at 855-ASK GATE, and report the elder’s name and phone number, their age, if known, the address or directions to the home and what their concerns are. The Gatekeeper’s name is kept confidential and their role ends here. Next, a trained professional senior advocate will establish contact, ask the senior if they would like some helpful information or a visit, and refer the senior to the appropriate community service.

Should the older adult refuse help, the advocate will determine whether that person is sufficiently at risk to warrant referral to Protective Services or a mental health professional.

In some cases, they may continue to monitor, but will not refer until the older adult is ready. Forcing assistance is never the goal, but the elderly deserve to be informed of alternatives and options that will preserve independence and enhance quality of life.

The Gatekeeper program is never a substitute for 911, but if any one call helps to prevent a senior from going to a nursing home, the potential saving to the state is $120,000 per year.

Signs that an older adult may need assistance are:

Unkempt appearance Continued...

Strong odors on person or in the home

Socially isolated

Depression, confusion or forgetfulness

Substance or alcohol abuse

Neglect of house, yard or pets

Physical decline

Caregiver stress (an older adult caring for a spouse)

The state will be setting up five new locations for the Gatekeeper Program, and hopes to involve and inform as many firms and individuals as possible.

If you would like to host an informational session for your staff, clients or organization, call Dwight Norwood at 855-ASK GATE during normal business hours.

This is an excellent opportunity for all of us to be alert and to lend a helping hand to those in need.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Maybe it s time to take charge of holiday traditions

With two of my children on the West Coast and an increasingly frail husband, it is difficult for me to look forward to the holidays with the usual anticipation. Thanksgiving and Christmas are, after all, a time of family togetherness.

Additionally, the ever-increasing commercialization of the holidays (Xmas decorations now appear in several stores prior to Halloween, and some stores will open for business at midnight on Thanksgiving Day) make it difficult under the best of circumstances, to savor and enjoy each holiday in its own time frame.

Realizing the need to deal with my negativity and create some other options for enjoying this holiday season, I answered an invitation to attend a session of “Coping with the Holidays,” led by Georgette Wood, a professional counselor and wellness coach.

Georgette explained to the intimate group that the holidays often create more responsibilities, but not more time. We also are likely to expect more of ourselves and of others. And, of course, we all carry a fantasy image, created by the media and our own filtered memories of past holidays, of what the holidays should be like.

Somehow, it has become the responsibility of women to create the perfect holiday. We want the house to be beautifully decorated (a la Martha Stewart) we want to create the perfect meal and find the perfect present for everyone. Georgette suggested that we all ask ourselves:

-What options do I have?

-How can I create realistic alternatives?

-What can be eliminated, postponed or delegated?

-How can I celebrate in a different way?

The group talked openly about how to be more realistic in our approach. One woman who had recently lost her husband and who had always hosted Thanksgiving for the family, realized that this had to mark the beginning of a different tradition with another family member serving as host this year. Continued...


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We all talked about trying to set more realistic goals for ourselves, feeling free to say “no” to certain chores, to simplify where possible and to allow time and permission to be alone when necessary and not feel we must always make merry. Following are some general guidelines to follow:

1. Set manageable expectations. Make a realistic estimate of what you can do and make a list prioritizing the most important activities. Organize your time and spread out activities.

2. Problems occur even during holidays, and for some people it also brings back painful memories. It is OK to feel lonely or sad. One way to overcome these feelings is by helping others.

3. Take care of yourself. Exercise and get enough sleep. If finances permit, treat yourself to a massage.

4. Don’t compare this holiday with others. Circumstances change; enjoy the present for what it is ... a present.

5. Find new ways to celebrate. There are many activities to enjoy; quite a few cost little or nothing.

6. Remember to be grateful. We can’t change our circumstances, but we can change our attitude. Most of us here in America have many reasons to be grateful.

Wishing all of you a sane, satisfying holiday season.

-Georgette Wood, a wellness coach and counselor, can be contacted at 203-481-3757 or www.CreativeOptionsForLife.com.

- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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