Giving thanks on the other 364 days of the year will make us ALL happier

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.” — W.T. Purkiser
Many of us, as we sat down to Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, either silently or aloud, offered a little prayer of thanks for the meal and for being with family or friends. But, so often, the rest of the year, we neglect to be grateful for the daily pleasures that fill our lives.

I was reminded of this recently when someone asked me what were the small things that gave me pleasure every day, and I started to think about the beauty of the evening sky over the water as I drive home in the evening, the taste of good food, getting dressed in something pretty, the sound of my daughter’s voice over the phone, my cats cuddling on my bed at night ... these things and so many more fill me with happiness, and yet I take them for granted and neglect to remember to be grateful.

I would be remiss if I did not mention that I feel so fortunate and am especially grateful to be able to share my thoughts each week with so many interesting readers that, upon occasion, stop me in a restaurant or the supermarket or email me to offer their opinions and friendship.

If we are constantly anxious or worried, it is hard to be grateful so it is important to try to live in the moment, to fully savor and enjoy the here and now. What used to be is past, and what will be is beyond our control. Breathe deeply of the present moment before it, too, slips away. Cultivate friendships with positive people that make you feel good and cherish those who are lighthearted and make you laugh.

It is also important, I believe, to listen to that small, inner voice that guides you to what creates self-fulfillment for you. We are all unique individuals with special needs and yearnings, and unless these are being satisfied, we can’t be truly happy.

Some individuals find that keeping a gratitude journal reminds them of the many wonderful pleasures in their life. Just taking a few minutes at the end of each day to reflect upon the day’s happenings is, I think, a worthwhile practice. In today’s fast-paced world where we are surrounded by constant distractions and feel guilty unless we are “using” every minute, relaxation and reflection are too often, lost arts. With the holiday season approaching, it is also a good time to remember that the meaning of a gift is not in its expense; it is a way of showing gratitude to those we love.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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As expected, some seniors fared better than others during Sandy

It’s all relative, isn’t it?

Ordinarily, having no power for almost five days and no way to cook anything would have me complaining bitterly. But after seeing the pictures of homeless people in Atlantic City, seniors stranded in darkened, high-rise Manhattan apartments, damaged waterfront homes here in Connecticut and Staten Island, and four-hour waits in lines for gas in New Jersey, my troubles seemed trivial, indeed.

However, since unusual weather events are now becoming more frequent occurrences, I was motivated to do a little research and find out how some of our senior facilities coped during Sandy, and what they are doing to be prepared for any future emergencies.

One of my first calls was to Sue Wharfe, executive director of Shoreline Village, a newly formed group that hopes to help residents who want to age in their own homes. Sue sent an email to all prospective 260 people and was so impressed that 12 people responded, offering assistance, while only three requested help, which she was able to provide.

While that is commendable, I wonder how many others needed help, but either had no email or because of a power loss, could not communicate. Plans for other methods of communication will need to be discussed for the future.

Orchard House, the adult day care center, had to close, but they did some advance preparation and had contacted their list of emergency responders for all their clients so that other arrangements could be made.

The VNA and other agencies mentioned the long hours many aides and nurses stayed on the job, and the extreme efforts made to ensure that people dependent on receiving medications or special treatments were cared for.

Among assisted-living communities, Phil Noto, executive director at the Hearth at Gardenside, said that while they lost power, their industrial-strength generator powered everything essential, including oxygen, sleep machines, emergency equipment and at least one light in each resident’s room. Dining was fully operational, and there was an outlet in the game room, permitting the viewing of games and movies.

A similar report came from Ron Bowen, executive director at Atria, Larson Place, who said new technology gives ample warning of most storms, and so everyone should have a disaster plan in place. They maintain a three-day extra supply of food and water for every resident and employee, year-round.

All communal communities should have a back-up generator that keeps the kitchen, elevators, lights and heat going. Ron also suggests that people at home should talk with neighbors or close friends to have a back-up plan to help one another, as should caregivers and their families.

Being proactive will help you cope effectively. I was surprised and distressed to learn that several senior communities had no generator to power an elevator, and when I went to help a friend who lives at Rose Hill apartments, a complex for those age 55 and over in Branford, the hallways were pitch black with no lights and there was no elevator service.

The Gables at Guilford, with luxury, costly, independent apartments, had no emergency generators to run the elevators. I checked with David Vail, a well-known consultant in the senior living field, who told me that unfortunately, there are no state or local regulations that require senior communities to have large, full-strength generators.

This is certainly something that needs to be changed. If you are looking at communities for a loved one or relative, check on their emergency equipment and plans.

Many churches opened their doors to help, and the Jewish Community Center in Woodbridge offered “power and a shower” for members and guests. The Guilford Senior Center did an outstanding job, remained open and offered free meals to those needing food.

Many in the Northeast are still in need, so as we make plans to enjoy Thanksgiving with friends and family, let us all give to a favorite charity to help those who have lost so much.

Help from FEMA for temporary housing, home repairs, low-cost loans, uninsured property losses, etc., may be applied for at www.DisasterAssistance.gov. or by calling 1-800-462-7585.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Pleased to meet you, Mr. Herb Jay of Gardenside in Branford

Who has not wondered if, given unlimited means, where they would choose to live?

Some might envision a beach home in Hawaii, complete with a glistening pool under the palm trees. Others would choose a ranch with a stable of fine horses. Still others, an exotic hideaway in a foreign country.

My special “dream home” would be a duplex apartment overlooking Central Park (and if the powers that be wanted to throw in an aging theater critic or restaurant reviewer as a sometime companion, so much the better).

I recently spent a most-engaging afternoon with Mr. Herb Jay, admittedly a multimillionaire who could have chosen any of the above, but instead is happily ensconced in a pleasant, but unremarkable apartment at The Hearth at Gardenside, a senior living community on Alps Road in Branford.

The life story of this twinkling, blue-eyed octogenarian is a legendary American rags-to-riches tale. Herb grew up in Ridgewood, Brooklyn, and like many others, was enabled to make the first step out of poverty by attending college on the GI Bill.

He became extremely successful in the advertising field and as an executive at NBC. He introduced “The Dean Martin Show” and hired Carol Burnett and Dick Van Dyke and produced NBC specials featuring luminaries such as Tony Bennett, Pat Boone, Liza Minnelli, Rosemary Clooney, Arthur Godfrey, Robert Goulet and Maurice Chevalier.

In fact, there are very few famous show-business personalities that Herb and his wife did not know and entertain. In 1971, along with many other successful executives, Herb and his wife moved to Weston, purchased a 3-acre spread complete with horse barn and guest cottage. He soon became a trustee of the Maritime Aquarium, did advertising for the Courage to Speak Foundation and was a director of the Norwalk Chamber of Commerce.

In addition, he was the director and chairman of the trust committees of several Norwalk banks, as well as opening and overseeing the Ethan Allen store in Norwalk.

This idyllic life was interrupted when after Thanksgiving last year, a routine CAT scan showed blood clots in Herb’s lung and he ended up in Norwalk Hospital.

Herb and Charlotte’s daughter, Amy, saw an advertisement for a furnished apartment “special” winter break at Gardenside and suggested it to her parents.

They never left when the winter break was over despite the fact that they still own a house in Westport and a condominium in Branford overlooking the water.

Herb is completely sold on the senior living community lifestyle and especially on his lifestyle at Gardenside.

He says the staff is excellent and he loves not having to worry about having to hire or manage help or be concerned about turnover.

Accustomed to eating in some of New York’s and Europe’s finest restaurants, he is very pleased with the quality and variety of food at Gardenside and is delighted with the friends he and his wife, a talented artist, have made. Although I work with many senior communities and help future residents with their various decisions regarding a move, not everyone makes the transition as seamlessly as these two have.

Having no financial worries, is of course, a great help, but more than that, Herb Jay is an outstanding example of a positive-thinking personality who obviously delights in life and savors and appreciates every day.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

I'm reading: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Herb Jay of Gardenside in Branford

Normally, a whirlwind week provides plenty of column inspiration

Every once in awhile, despite having had a busy and productive week, nothing that I have done readily translates into an interesting column (which is always written and submitted a week in advance). Last week, for instance, a trip to the Litchfield area and the Hopkins Inn and winery at Lake Waramaug should have made a good read. But if you’ll recall, a week ago, Friday, it poured all day, and our Guilford library trip to see the fall colors, a historic house and garden and the winery was a bit of a “wash out.” By the time we arrived at the winery, we were more than ready to down seven varieties of wine in the sampler tasting part of the program.

This past week, I did get into New York City to see a preview of the soon-to-open play, “The Heiress,” which, if you recall, was a movie by the same name with Olivia de Havilland and Montgomery Clift. It is a wonderfully dramatic story of the heartache of a shy woman, jilted on the eve of her marriage.

The play, with Jessica Chastain, David Strathairn and Judith Ivey, is a brilliant example of great ensemble acting. Also enjoyed one of the exceptional Metropolitan Opera simulcasts at a local movie theater (in this case, “Otello”), but again, not sufficient material for an entire column.

With no specific subject in mind to write about, I find my mind has a rare opportunity to wander where it will and odd thoughts surface unexpectedly. For example, does it strike anyone else as not just inconsistent but downright absurd that in a time of worldwide crisis and budgetary woes and election mania in America, Saks Fifth Avenue has run a full-page advertisement announcing the opening of a 10,022-square-foot salon so big it even has its own zip code, devoted exclusively to shoes?

Whatever happened to the one or two pairs of shoes for everyday wear and one pair for dress, concept? Now, women have shoe wardrobes, with many pairs commanding stratospheric prices. When did American women get infected with Imelda Marcos Syndrome and require hundreds of pairs of shoes, most of which are not suitable for walking?

The other luxury item that seems to be in great demand are fancy wristwatches. The last time I looked, I only have two wrists, on one of which is a nice serviceable watch I bought 15 years ago. The younger generation tells time by looking at their iPhones, so who is buying all the many fancy, expensive watches I see advertised?

While thinking about time, my brain does a natural segue to remind readers that unfortunately, today, Nov. 4, daylight saving time ends, and you must set your clocks back one hour, a sad reminder that it will get dark early and fall will end soon.

Which reminds me that there are those who can’t enjoy the moment, but must rush the seasons. Shame on

QVC, the home-shopping network, has already started a “Countdown to Christmas.” And my last reminder to everyone, after hoping you all have gotten your shots for flu and shingles, is to check on your senior neighbors during any bad weather or emergency period.

Next week, I shall try to control my meandering mind and stick to one subject.

Meanwhile, dear reader, thanks for your patience.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

I'm reading: Normally, a whirlwind week provides plenty of column inspiration