With great power comes great responsibility and other womanly notions

Way back in 1941, the popular women’s magazine, the Ladies’ Home Journal, adopted the slogan, “Never Underestimate the Power of a Woman.” At that time, however, women’s magazines were written for ladylike housewives, and the original thought was that women had the power, through persuasion, to lead their men to make the “right decisions.”

That 1941 issue also had a large advertisement for Chesterfield cigarettes, proving there was at least one company anxious to give women equal opportunity ... to smoke. There have also been sayings like, “Never underestimate the power of a woman’s intuition,” “Never underestimate the anger of a woman scorned” and “Never underestimate a man’s ability to underestimate a woman,” spoken by Kathleen Turner as detective V.I. Warshawski in the 1991 movie of the same name.

Now, women represent almost half of the workforce. They are the equal if not the main breadwinner in four out of 10 families, and they now receive more college and graduate degrees than men. However, they still make about 77 cents for every dollar earned by men.

The Internet is only one factor helping to alter that as women are using new ways to communicate and changing buying habits to form many different kinds of start-up businesses.

And now 98 seats in our new Congress are held by women; 20 percent of the 100 in the Senate and 17 percent of the 435 in the House. Where it would have gone unnoticed before, President Obama has been loudly criticized for giving all the best Cabinet and White House jobs to white males.

From March 4-15, the 57th session of the Commission of the Status of Women will be held at the United Nations. One of the major topics is the prevention of violence on women and girls.

One of the promising examples of governments initiating change is Australia’s landmark A Right to Respect, a 10-year program to prevent violence toward women. They learned that unequal power relations between men and women are a key cause along with adherence to gender stereotypes and cultures of violence. They also instituted family counseling where couples could learn nonviolent conflict resolution.

While we are aware of gender stereotypes in India, where the rape of young women is an everyday occurrence, we are not without deeply held prejudice in our own country when elected officials like Todd Aiken can qualify some rapes as “legitimate”; in which instance, a woman would not be impregnated. Can we expect our children to learn nonviolent conflict resolution when the heroes in our movies resolve everything with their fists or a gun, and our political parties seem unable to compromise and work together, even when the immediate future of the country is at stake?

In 1920, the 19th amendment giving women the right to vote was finally passed. The Women’s Suffrage Association had made the argument that women’s superior characteristics, especially purity, immunity from corruption and concerns with children and local issues, made their votes essential in promoting reform.

While I’m not so sure we have lived up to all those lofty ideals, now that we have both the voting power and increased financial independence, we must make our voices heard whenever we see unfairness, injustice or violence of any kind. Only then, will we truly have “arrived.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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I’ll be better in a few days, but until then, please pass the tissue

There is a wonderful song in the show “Guys and Dolls” sung by the long-suffering, sneezing, coughing, nose blowing, Adelaide, “A Person Could Develop a Cold.” Although Adelaide’s cold is an allergic reaction to her beau’s inability to set a date, like so many others at this time of year, I am just recovering from an unwelcome Christmas gift in the form of a really persistent nasty cough and cold.

I felt so miserable, I finally went to the doctor for an antibiotic, which is now beginning to help suppress some of the nasty symptoms. One does wonder, however, in this day and age of miraculous discoveries and cutting-edge technology, why some genius hasn’t solved two minor but very annoying problems; a cure or vaccine for the common cold and a disc or other device you carry with you containing all your vital information, including all your medications and insurances.

That way, you would no longer need to fill out the same five-page form requiring your health history from the date you had your tonsils removed, in each and every doctor’s office. Is that too much to ask? Did you know that they now have an application for your cellphone that will indicate the optimum time during any current movie in which to take your bathroom break? Honest folks, I’m not making this up.

Despite my intentions for a good beginning for 2013, my house is an eclectic mix of partially-put-away Christmas decorations, half-finished glasses of honey and lemon and scattered boxes of Kleenex along with cough drops and nose spray, sharing space on any and every available surface.

All hopes of getting a headstart on straightening files, paying bills or bringing some order to that long-overdue basement closet, have vanished. I haven’t even summoned up the energy to write Christmas thank you’s yet.

Now that I am living alone, I find I also miss the presence of someone to ask solicitously, “Feeling any better, dear?” or “Can I bring you something?” Unfortunately, my response to the one call which might have elicited sympathy, my daughter’s unsuspecting, upbeat happy New Year from Puerto Rico where she was vacationing, came at a bad moment, and my response was less than jovial.

However, my two cats, Ginger and Chibi-chan are benefiting from my current incapacity. They love the fact that instead of my usual dashing in and out, I have been spending most waking moments ensconced on the couch, covered by a warm and fuzzy lap robe. They take turns jumping up and cuddling in my lap, are good company, and seem to sense that I need extra affection.

Now, if they could only learn to “fetch.” Till next Sunday ... achoo and adieu.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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First things first, resolutions have to be reasonable to succeed

Ah! The new year brings us fresh promises.

Scanning the magazine covers at the supermarket, one would conclude that the most important goal of all Americans is losing weight: “Drop a Jean Size,” “Slim, Sexy You,” “Get a Firm, Sexier Butt,” “The 8-Hour Diet” and “32 Foods that Fight Fat” were just a few featured articles.

Did you know that more people take out a gym membership in January than any other month?

Since it is human nature to want to set goals at this time of year, I’ve been doing some research on how to set goals that we have a good chance to accomplish.

First, I learned that you need to be sure your goals don’t conflict with one another. For example, if you have determined that you would feel better and be more efficient if you could get more sleep at night (incidentally, studies have shown that there is a link between obesity and sleep deprivation), and at the same time one of your goals is to join more activities or take a part-time job, those goals will have trouble coexisting.

I know that if I want to drop the 20 pounds that my cardiologist recommends, it will be at odds with my goal to remain cheerful, calm and noncritical. Any diet leaves me feeling deprived, disgruntled and downright peeved at the world. My only recourse would be to go into hibernation for six to eight weeks until I lose the pounds.

In case you are still determined to make resolutions for this bright new year, here are tips for accomplishing your goals.

-Make yourself a priority. Learn to say “no” to others when you feel overwhelmed and to say “yes” to your own needs and wants.

-Be grateful for what you have. Spend a few minutes each day making a gratitude check, thinking of all you have and the love, warmth, comfort and care you receive daily.

-Remember to pay it forward. Give of yourself every day; even if it is only to smile or say hello to a stranger.

-Live in the present. Let the past be in the past. There is no point in worrying about something that may never happen. Take steps to solve problems within your control; put others out of your mind.

-Let go of expectations of what “could be” or “should be.” Enjoy the life of now.

The main reason people fail at keeping New Year’s resolutions, or any promise to themselves, is they set the bar too high. In order to turn a goal into a habit, it needs to be very “doable.” The key to success is not how much you do every day, but whether you do it at all. You don’t need to tackle the whole staircase, just take the first step.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Resolve to live your dream and make the world a better place in ’13

A new year is a time of new beginnings, of fresh starts, of hopefulness.

With the tragedy of Newtown and the fiscal cliff so much on our minds, we need to find ways to remain optimistic and to make things better, both in our own lives, and where we can, in the lives of others.

Many individuals, touched by the deaths in Newtown, have given money to the affected families. Others have decided to do 26 good deeds for others, one for each person killed. My mother told me that although it was good to cultivate the traits of patience and tolerance, there was something called “divine discontent,” and one should and must become impatient and angry over certain injustices.

I admire and applaud people like Candy Lightner who started MADD after her daughter was killed by a drunken driver.

I hope many of us who feel strongly about limiting certain types of guns in this country will continue to fight until that is accomplished as well. Each and every one of us has something to give to the world. As a new year approaches, it is a good time to re-evaluate what you can contribute. But before you can help others, you need to feel good about yourself.

All experiences are translated into happiness or suffering within our minds. You cannot be happy and sad at the same time. I recently read an interesting study about the leading regrets of people who were dying.

Many said they wished that they had let themselves be happier. They didn’t realize that time is a precious resource and that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. Fear of change or criticism of others prevented them from doing what they really wanted to do.

Many also said they realized too late in life that the best investment was in others, in friends and family, not things. When lives were almost over, many looked back and saw too many dreams had remained unfulfilled.

Now that we have lived through the dreaded-by-some end of the world date of Dec. 21, we can face 2013 with confidence and the determination to make this world a little better place because we are part of it.

We can do that best by living our dreams. You are never too old to start living that dream, unless you don’t start now.

Happy new you, everybody.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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