Let go of all of the things you no longer or use

Many people today, out of economic necessity or out of a desire to live a simpler, more meaningful lifestyle, are questioning the long-held premise of more is good.

They realize that working harder than ever to buy more stuff is not making them more happy. Lily Tomlin’s comedic wisdom hit the nail on the head when she quipped, “In today’s rat race, even if you win, you’re still a rat.”

It’s time we left the rat race and joined the human race and thought about the future of our precious planet and the others who also inhabit it. Living more simply doesn’t have to mean scrimping or a monastic-like lifestyle. It is about living with balance and being more concerned with the quality of our health, our relationships and the contributions we are making to our families or in the workplace.

As a senior adviser whose daily work entails helping other seniors leave the familiarity and space of a former home in favor of a more secure, sociable lifestyle, often in a smaller apartment or a retirement community, I am aware of how often all of us cling to things we no longer need or use.

We are not only owned by our possessions, but enslaved by the time required to purchase, pay, care and find space for them.

Even some of the so-called time-saving gadgets that seemed like such a good idea at the time of purchase, become frustrating, time-consuming problems, far beyond our mechanical ability to understand or to fix. Please don’t misunderstand: I have never been the type to grow my own veggies, make my own clothes, or even keep a neat, clutter-free home, although I have great admiration for those who can.

But I have always valued “doing” over “having,” and the older I become, the more I realize the importance of making the choices that enrich our lives over those that might enrich our pocketbooks or social standing.

The saddest phrase I hear from some seniors is, “I wish I had.” I’m often asked, when is a good time to get rid of things and make a move?” You can’t start too soon to get rid of things and simplify your life ... most of us have far more than we realize. As to when to move, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer.

I often hear the expression, “I know I need to move, but I’m not ready yet.” My usual reply is, “How will you know when you are ready? Will the sky light up with the words, ‘NOW’?”

The ideal time to make a change is before you actually need to. Youth thrives on risk and uncertainty, but as we age, we too often become fearful of any change; yet life itself involves constant change.

Although I have not, as yet, owned any Apple products, I read and watched the eulogies and remarks of many people who knew Steve Jobs. He was undoubtedly, one of the most brilliant minds in his field and even of this century. But in addition, he had a commitment to perfection and its pursuit, and he lived a life devoid of frills or excess. He was a vegan, had a fairly modest five-bedroom home in Palo Alto, Calif., and his standard outfit was blue jeans and a black turtleneck, so that he didn’t have to waste time deciding what to wear.

Already diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, he told Stanford grads in a commencement speech in 2005, “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it on living someone else’s life.” He believed in living your passion and as a result, it is truly amazing how passionate many people are about the products he developed.

However, like many business executives, he could be ruthless in order to succeed. While Apple products were designed in America, they consisted of component parts made in China in factories with little concern for the health or comfort of their workers.

While Steve Jobs may have redefined our music, cell phone and computer industry, it will be interesting to see what the Apple legacy contributes to our cultural well being.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotckiss Grove, Branford, 06405.

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Volunteering - when you give, you get

I’ve always believed that volunteering should be an important part of everyone’s life.

With more leisure time in our senior years, volunteering is not only an opportunity to do something useful and fulfilling, it is, I think, an obligation we owe to society. But if your volunteer work is going to be truly rewarding, both to you and to others, it must be something you really enjoy doing.

Lisa Sellman, a professional dog trainer and author, has volunteered over time with 16 different organizations and has developed some suggestions on how to choose the right volunteer opportunity.

She feels that many people get roped into volunteering for an organization because their boss is involved with a charity or a family member is working on a community project. That’s fine, but only if the project is a match for your personal interests.

The most important aspect to volunteering is to find what you love and direct your energies into a charity or organization that matches those passions. If you are an animal lover, work with a wildlife rescue mission or animal shelter. If you are a nature buff, there are plenty of environmental foundations that can use an extra set of hands.

If sports is your thing, community recreation centers need coaches for needy kids.

Already covered in this column have been articles about helping others hone their reading skills, recording books for the blind, driving those who no longer can drive themselves and helping to raise funds for a favorite cause or charity.

No matter your interest, you can match it to a cause that needs help. Sellman also advises that it is important to watch your schedule. While you want your passion to direct your choice of project, you don’t want those volunteer projects to rule your schedule.

Make sure you balance your time carefully so the rest of your life and family time doesn’t take a critical hit.

Most organizations will take as much time as you offer them, and the most rewarding work usually takes more of a time commitment. But even if you only have an hour or two each week, they can use that, too. It is also important to have fun.

Helping others is its own reward, but it shouldn’t feel like a chore. If you’re not enjoying your volunteer work, you need to ask yourself why. Is it the tasks you are performing, or the people you are working with, or is it just because the situation is new and unfamiliar? Knowing what is bothering you can help in deciding how to proceed.

Following are some suggestions to help in finding the right volunteer opportunity:

‰Would you like to learn something new or develop a skill?

‰Would you like to work with others or on your own?

‰Are you better behind the scenes, or do you like a visible role?

‰How much time can you commit?

‰How much responsibility are you ready to take on?

‰What skills can you bring to a volunteer job?

‰What causes are important to you?

Visit different organizations and get a feel for what they are like. Ask lots of questions. Sometimes you need to try a few before finding the one that really suits you.

Some helpful websites include www.volunteermatch.org (put in your zip code and skills and up comes opportunities in your area), www.getinvolved.gov/ and www.idealist.org.

As we go to press, AARP just announced it is joining forces with Experience Corps, a highly regarded program that engages older adult volunteers to help improve K-3 literacy in underserved schools. Information at www.aarp.org/experiencecorps.

And do write and let me know if you find your perfect “match.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotckiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Remind me again what's so golden about these years

“The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.”

— George Foreman

Somewhere, I read a statistic that said, “As a group, retirees are better off than most Americans.” That is probably true for some — the lucky ones with pensions from big companies, all their kids through college and substantial bank accounts. But for myself and most of the people I know, retirement has come with some unexpected surprises.

No matter how carefully we think we have planned:

-The cost of living keeps increasing. If you stay in your current home — which many retirees decide to do — the taxes, heating and cooling, the needed repairs, all keep going up in cost. An added expense is outside help for chores you once did yourself when you were younger or more agile or for those done by a now-departed spouse.

-You spend more on entertainment and eating out. You need diversions if you are home more. With more free time, the travel and entertaining you always wanted to do take a bigger chunk of available funds.

-It’s harder to borrow. When you are a nonworking or part-time employee, it is difficult to get a loan at a reasonable rate, so if you anticipate redoing the kitchen or buying a new car, do it while you are still working.

‰Early retirees who are not yet 65 have to be self-insured. That’s a very big budget item, assuming they can find medical coverage at any price. The age of entitlement for Medicare is going up, but the good news is that recent laws say pre-existing conditions cannot be held against you.

-Adult children require help. With the unemployment rate hovering around 9 percent, some adult children not only need monetary help, some are returning home to live while searching for work.

-Illness requires paid help at home. Unless you have had both the funds and foresight to buy long-term health insurance, temporary or permanent help to relieve one spouse from some of the wearing responsibilities of caring for a failing partner is an unexpected and overwhelming expense. Nursing home care is even more expensive.

Contrary to a popular misconception, Medicare does not cover long-term nursing home care. You need to use your own funds before going on Medicaid, so planning well in advance (there is a five-year look-back) with an elder law specialist, is essential.

For me, the bright side of retirement is getting that Social Security check each month and continuing work that I enjoy, but with more flexible hours.

I can laugh at many of the things that worried me when I was young, such as:

Am I thin enough?

Am I pretty enough?

Will I land a really good job?

Will I finally meet Mr. Right?

Will I be a good mother?

Now that I am older and wiser, these worries have been replaced by:

Am I thin enough?

Do I still look young enough?

Will I keep my really good job?

Can I hang on to Mr. Right and how will I manage without him?

Was I a good mother?

Oh well! Whoever said that life was easy at any age.

Editor’s note: Last week’s column had the incorrect number for the Yale decision-making study. It is 203-737-2779.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotckiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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You just think you know how you actually think

Imagine for a moment that you had to make a choice between tossing a coin and winning $100 if it fell on heads or skipping the coin toss and instead receiving $40 for sure. Which would you do?

Your answer will probably not only depend on your financial circumstances but also on your immediate need for cash and even your current mood.

Studies, however, also show that our preferences are very much a result of inherent tendencies; some of us are risk-takers while others play it safe.

In other words, value is a subjective matter.

What happens in our brains during the decision-making process is the subject of a current study at the Yale School of Medicine and also provided a fascinating discussion for me one recent morning when I met with Ifat Levy, the charming young assistant professor of comparative medicine and neurobiology at Yale.

While there have been other studies of how the decision-making process works, the Yale study is particularly interested in finding out how the decision-making process changes as we age. The Yale study is focusing on adults 65 and older

and their decision-making process in two major areas: money and medical treatment.

However, the results have ramifications in all kinds of decision-making from political and career choices to something as seemingly simple as to whether or not to try a new food.

Now, let’s say that you are asked to choose between a sure gain of $10,000 or a 50 percent chance of getting $20,000, what would you do? Many would avoid risk and take the sure gain. But in real life, the probable outcomes are not so precisely known — making choices more frustrating and difficult. Until recently, it was thought that all of our decisions are based on self-interests.

But new studies have shown that there is often a more complex set of rules, such as social interactions, that can significantly influence the way we compare and weigh the risks and rewards.

We may make a different decision when we are part of a group than when we are alone.

Additionally, using a type of brain visualization known as functional magnetic resonance imaging, researchers have learned that when individuals were given advice by a financial expert, certain parts of the brain that were involved in independent decision-making became less active.

Some of the decision-making burden is “off-loaded” onto the adviser, thus facilitating our ability to make a choice.

Medical decisions can be especially difficult for seniors and their families and some past studies indicate bad news always registers more strongly than good news (which is why marriage counselors say that it takes five compliments to make up for one critical remark). Recognizing this, Yale researchers hope that their results will lead to an ability to train doctors in the art of presenting medical information and results to patients in the best possible way to aid them in making the best treatment decisions.

While mathematical approaches to predict decision-making tendencies of consumers were studied and used as far back as 1960, the neuroscience of decision-making and how the neurons within the brain function to assemble information and make a decision, is fairly new.

Effective communication between regions of the brain enables all the information concerning inputs, memories from past decisions and cost-benefit assessments to be processed and evaluated.

If you are 65 years of age or older and would be interested in helping science and being monetarily rewarded as well, you can be part of the Yale study. There are two sessions of only one hour each during which you will answer a series of questions and play a simple game. You are paid between $40-$300 for the sessions as well as for transportation and parking.

To find out more, call (203-7737-2779) or e mail decision@yale.edu.

Meanwhile, a fascinating book on the subject, “How We Decide” by Jonah Lehrer, explains not just how we decide some of life’s puzzling choices but helps us to do it better. For example, the author says, “Paying with plastic changes the way we spend money. When you buy something with cash, the purchase involves an actual loss while a credit card makes the transaction abstract.

Different parts of the brain are activated if the loss lies in the long term future. The London Observer says, “How We Decide” could change the way you think about thinking.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotckiss Grove, Branford, 06405.

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