What we really need is a holiday to celebrate common sense and moderation

Black Friday, this year, was just the start of a time when some Americans seemingly lose their senses.

I am completely bewildered by the lemming-like behavior of the crowds who forgo one of our most special and meaningful holidays to stand in long lines for hours, then push and shove, to buy what are now considered the “necessities” of life: a huge flat-screen LED TV, an iPad, iPod, iBox, Nook or Kindle. I own none of these and somehow have never felt deprived.

Some newscasters, in attempting to explain the Republican loss in the recent election, blamed it on people wanting “things.” While they were referring to the social safety net “things” like Medicare, Social Security, health care and unemployment insurance, they overlooked Americans’ (including the high earners among us) insatiable need to constantly buy and own “things.”

The latest upscale “brag” purchase is an emergency generator of your very own. Why worry about the infrastructure or your neighbor’s problems as long as you can stay safe and warm?

It apparently is not enough that half the world is in turmoil. Tens of thousands of Texans, not content with being able to tote their guns over state lines, now have signed a petition and want to secede from the Union. To add to what would be total confusion if indeed that were to happen, a man in Austin has asked the federal government to allow Austin to withdraw from Texas and remain part of the United States.

I can’t wait to see the new Spielberg movie to learn more about how Lincoln handled it all. If Honest Abe were alive today, it would surely surprise him to learn that his Republican Party of unification has now arisen as the new voice of “separatism” in the South.

Fashion, has always been somewhat nonsensical in nature. Accordingly, a J.Crew executive, has decreed that, “In style, men are the new women.” Men are taking a renewed interest in clothes and cosmetics and buying form-fitting suits to show off their work-out perfect bodies. And I thought messy jeans and T-shirts were still in style!

Along with the loss of many other former “niceties” such as polite behavior, good manners and customer service, it is reported that cursive handwriting is disappearing from the schools, with only California and a few other states still requiring it. While children are increasingly agile at thumbing all kinds of keyboards, there is nothing that takes the place of a handwritten letter or thank-you note.

Guess that is soon to be only a fond memory.

Sometimes, it is hard to find the true meaning of the holidays, surrounded by news of Syrian refugees in the bitter cold; a cease-fire, but no permanent solution in Gaza; and worries over the “fiscal cliff” here at home.

When the world doesn’t seem to make sense, it takes an extra effort to focus on the important, small things: the thoughtfulness of friends and co-workers, the look on the faces of the children when the tree on the town green is lit, and the essential goodness of most people.

Among the many local events to help lift your spirits, the Shoreline Eldercare Alliance is hosting a free educational event, Healthy Choices for Holiday Eating, Dec. 9 from 2-4 p.m. at the Nathanael Greene Community Center, 32 Church St. Enjoy, music with the Guilford High School Symphony, free food samplings from community chefs and stroll the Guilford shops.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Giving thanks on the other 364 days of the year will make us ALL happier

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.” — W.T. Purkiser
Many of us, as we sat down to Thanksgiving dinner on Thursday, either silently or aloud, offered a little prayer of thanks for the meal and for being with family or friends. But, so often, the rest of the year, we neglect to be grateful for the daily pleasures that fill our lives.

I was reminded of this recently when someone asked me what were the small things that gave me pleasure every day, and I started to think about the beauty of the evening sky over the water as I drive home in the evening, the taste of good food, getting dressed in something pretty, the sound of my daughter’s voice over the phone, my cats cuddling on my bed at night ... these things and so many more fill me with happiness, and yet I take them for granted and neglect to remember to be grateful.

I would be remiss if I did not mention that I feel so fortunate and am especially grateful to be able to share my thoughts each week with so many interesting readers that, upon occasion, stop me in a restaurant or the supermarket or email me to offer their opinions and friendship.

If we are constantly anxious or worried, it is hard to be grateful so it is important to try to live in the moment, to fully savor and enjoy the here and now. What used to be is past, and what will be is beyond our control. Breathe deeply of the present moment before it, too, slips away. Cultivate friendships with positive people that make you feel good and cherish those who are lighthearted and make you laugh.

It is also important, I believe, to listen to that small, inner voice that guides you to what creates self-fulfillment for you. We are all unique individuals with special needs and yearnings, and unless these are being satisfied, we can’t be truly happy.

Some individuals find that keeping a gratitude journal reminds them of the many wonderful pleasures in their life. Just taking a few minutes at the end of each day to reflect upon the day’s happenings is, I think, a worthwhile practice. In today’s fast-paced world where we are surrounded by constant distractions and feel guilty unless we are “using” every minute, relaxation and reflection are too often, lost arts. With the holiday season approaching, it is also a good time to remember that the meaning of a gift is not in its expense; it is a way of showing gratitude to those we love.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

I'm reading: Giving thanks on the other 364 days of the year will make us ALL happier

As expected, some seniors fared better than others during Sandy

It’s all relative, isn’t it?

Ordinarily, having no power for almost five days and no way to cook anything would have me complaining bitterly. But after seeing the pictures of homeless people in Atlantic City, seniors stranded in darkened, high-rise Manhattan apartments, damaged waterfront homes here in Connecticut and Staten Island, and four-hour waits in lines for gas in New Jersey, my troubles seemed trivial, indeed.

However, since unusual weather events are now becoming more frequent occurrences, I was motivated to do a little research and find out how some of our senior facilities coped during Sandy, and what they are doing to be prepared for any future emergencies.

One of my first calls was to Sue Wharfe, executive director of Shoreline Village, a newly formed group that hopes to help residents who want to age in their own homes. Sue sent an email to all prospective 260 people and was so impressed that 12 people responded, offering assistance, while only three requested help, which she was able to provide.

While that is commendable, I wonder how many others needed help, but either had no email or because of a power loss, could not communicate. Plans for other methods of communication will need to be discussed for the future.

Orchard House, the adult day care center, had to close, but they did some advance preparation and had contacted their list of emergency responders for all their clients so that other arrangements could be made.

The VNA and other agencies mentioned the long hours many aides and nurses stayed on the job, and the extreme efforts made to ensure that people dependent on receiving medications or special treatments were cared for.

Among assisted-living communities, Phil Noto, executive director at the Hearth at Gardenside, said that while they lost power, their industrial-strength generator powered everything essential, including oxygen, sleep machines, emergency equipment and at least one light in each resident’s room. Dining was fully operational, and there was an outlet in the game room, permitting the viewing of games and movies.

A similar report came from Ron Bowen, executive director at Atria, Larson Place, who said new technology gives ample warning of most storms, and so everyone should have a disaster plan in place. They maintain a three-day extra supply of food and water for every resident and employee, year-round.

All communal communities should have a back-up generator that keeps the kitchen, elevators, lights and heat going. Ron also suggests that people at home should talk with neighbors or close friends to have a back-up plan to help one another, as should caregivers and their families.

Being proactive will help you cope effectively. I was surprised and distressed to learn that several senior communities had no generator to power an elevator, and when I went to help a friend who lives at Rose Hill apartments, a complex for those age 55 and over in Branford, the hallways were pitch black with no lights and there was no elevator service.

The Gables at Guilford, with luxury, costly, independent apartments, had no emergency generators to run the elevators. I checked with David Vail, a well-known consultant in the senior living field, who told me that unfortunately, there are no state or local regulations that require senior communities to have large, full-strength generators.

This is certainly something that needs to be changed. If you are looking at communities for a loved one or relative, check on their emergency equipment and plans.

Many churches opened their doors to help, and the Jewish Community Center in Woodbridge offered “power and a shower” for members and guests. The Guilford Senior Center did an outstanding job, remained open and offered free meals to those needing food.

Many in the Northeast are still in need, so as we make plans to enjoy Thanksgiving with friends and family, let us all give to a favorite charity to help those who have lost so much.

Help from FEMA for temporary housing, home repairs, low-cost loans, uninsured property losses, etc., may be applied for at www.DisasterAssistance.gov. or by calling 1-800-462-7585.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Pleased to meet you, Mr. Herb Jay of Gardenside in Branford

Who has not wondered if, given unlimited means, where they would choose to live?

Some might envision a beach home in Hawaii, complete with a glistening pool under the palm trees. Others would choose a ranch with a stable of fine horses. Still others, an exotic hideaway in a foreign country.

My special “dream home” would be a duplex apartment overlooking Central Park (and if the powers that be wanted to throw in an aging theater critic or restaurant reviewer as a sometime companion, so much the better).

I recently spent a most-engaging afternoon with Mr. Herb Jay, admittedly a multimillionaire who could have chosen any of the above, but instead is happily ensconced in a pleasant, but unremarkable apartment at The Hearth at Gardenside, a senior living community on Alps Road in Branford.

The life story of this twinkling, blue-eyed octogenarian is a legendary American rags-to-riches tale. Herb grew up in Ridgewood, Brooklyn, and like many others, was enabled to make the first step out of poverty by attending college on the GI Bill.

He became extremely successful in the advertising field and as an executive at NBC. He introduced “The Dean Martin Show” and hired Carol Burnett and Dick Van Dyke and produced NBC specials featuring luminaries such as Tony Bennett, Pat Boone, Liza Minnelli, Rosemary Clooney, Arthur Godfrey, Robert Goulet and Maurice Chevalier.

In fact, there are very few famous show-business personalities that Herb and his wife did not know and entertain. In 1971, along with many other successful executives, Herb and his wife moved to Weston, purchased a 3-acre spread complete with horse barn and guest cottage. He soon became a trustee of the Maritime Aquarium, did advertising for the Courage to Speak Foundation and was a director of the Norwalk Chamber of Commerce.

In addition, he was the director and chairman of the trust committees of several Norwalk banks, as well as opening and overseeing the Ethan Allen store in Norwalk.

This idyllic life was interrupted when after Thanksgiving last year, a routine CAT scan showed blood clots in Herb’s lung and he ended up in Norwalk Hospital.

Herb and Charlotte’s daughter, Amy, saw an advertisement for a furnished apartment “special” winter break at Gardenside and suggested it to her parents.

They never left when the winter break was over despite the fact that they still own a house in Westport and a condominium in Branford overlooking the water.

Herb is completely sold on the senior living community lifestyle and especially on his lifestyle at Gardenside.

He says the staff is excellent and he loves not having to worry about having to hire or manage help or be concerned about turnover.

Accustomed to eating in some of New York’s and Europe’s finest restaurants, he is very pleased with the quality and variety of food at Gardenside and is delighted with the friends he and his wife, a talented artist, have made. Although I work with many senior communities and help future residents with their various decisions regarding a move, not everyone makes the transition as seamlessly as these two have.

Having no financial worries, is of course, a great help, but more than that, Herb Jay is an outstanding example of a positive-thinking personality who obviously delights in life and savors and appreciates every day.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

I'm reading: Pleased to meet you, Mr. Herb Jay of Gardenside in Branford