True, some columns are simply more moving than others

In just a few, all too short weeks, I will be making a move from my present home at Hotchkiss Grove in Branford to a small condominium apartment in the same town. For someone who moved 13 times the first 10 years of married life and whose profession entails helping other seniors navigate the moving process, this should be “a piece of cake.”

But, somehow, it doesn’t seem like it. My daughter claims that my present state of upheaval is “poetic justice.” Maybe so, but I really think it is a learning opportunity, so I can be an even better moving adviser to others, having made such a major change myself so recently.

This particular move requires some drastic downsizing, which it is past time to do. With no relatives close by, that does mean getting rid of some cherished items that can’t be passed on to others in the family.

I know that I need to free up my life from what I don’t need and use in order to have the energy to do what is important. Sometimes we give too much importance to that which is impermanent, and having more than we need becomes a burden. I know I will feel much better once the move is accomplished ... it is just the process that can leave you feeling frazzled.

This is also the first move without my husband, Val, although his presence is certainly felt as I sort through the endless items and papers he accumulated and stored in the basement, some of it useful information on the care and feeding of our various appliances, which I will pass on to the next owner.

Other items, like ancient receipts, high school yearbooks and outdated “to-do” lists are of no value, but tug at the heartstrings of memory before being discarded.

Having helped design the Let’s Get Moving program for seniors at Pearce Plus Senior Services, I am especially fortunate to have had the advice and help of an outstanding Realtor, and I am also familiar with a roster of tried-and-true resources, from handymen to tag sale experts, who I can call upon.

One of the innovative, new items I will be using to move is called Jugglebox, which are green, re-usable, Earth-friendly sanitized plastic boxes that are delivered to your home or office before your move. You simply fill the boxes and move to your new location where you empty them, and then stack them out of the way for the company to pick up later. Popular in New York, they are new to Connecticut, come in two sizes, are inexpensive and handle and stack easily. (Contact Dan Dachelet at 877-584-4532 for more information.)

A major source of concern and unhappiness for me is that due to an unusual and to my mind, onerous, unfeeling “no pet” policy at the condo-apartment I am purchasing, my two beloved indoor cat companions will not be able to move with me. I am looking for good homes for Ginger, a talkative red-haired, female tabby not quite 5 years old, and shy little Chibi-chan, a quiet female chocolate Siamese who is 2½ years old. Adoptive parents for one or both, please contact me.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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Talking about the ‘what ifs’ gives your family piece of mind

Working as a senior adviser, I often remind adult children of aging parents that they are “caregivers in waiting,” and that they should have a conversation with their parents about planning for the future.

But as an aging parent myself, I also realize that sometimes seniors brush off our relatives’ attempts to learn about our finances, plans for emergencies and illness and our wishes for how we want to be treated as life nears its end.

It is unsettling to experience the role reversal that occurs when our children take on the role of parent, but it is only by sharing the plans we have made and making additional plans with those who will eventually become responsible for our well being that we can avoid unnecessary stress and heartache later. Plan for the worst, but expect the best is not a bad mantra to go by.

Knowing you have many of the “what ifs” that occur with aging taken care of is a stress reliever for both you and your loved ones. Another excellent reason to do your planning with family members now is that all too often I hear of bitter arguments among siblings as to what Mom or Dad would have wanted. No one is sure and now their parent is too ill or too incapacitated to make his or her wishes known.

I also know that well-meaning relatives, and even professionals, can sometimes say things in a very condescending manner that makes seniors feel their opinion is of no value.

By taking the initiative and asking the family to become involved, we can avoid the worried “what should we do about Mom (or Dad)” conversations behind our back.

First and foremost, everyone should seek the advice of an elder law attorney and have both a will and a document called a living will, which is an expression of your end-of-life wishes as well as how many different “support services” you may want. Equally important, it names a person who will know and carry out these wishes for you if you should become unable to express yourself. Both of these documents can be changed by you if your circumstances or wishes change.

Family members should know where these and other important documents — such as bank statements, savings, birth certificates, insurance policies and deeds to the house — are kept.

There also needs to be an honest discussion about where you will live if you can no longer manage in your own home. The time to look at assisted-living and continuing-care communities is before the need arises. They are, I feel, a wonderful lifestyle for those who can afford them.

Some families are able to live together in harmony, but for others, the eventual care of a sick parent can become an overwhelming burden. Additionally, family dynamics have undergone major changes. There are now more divorced older people, causing uncertain medical and pension benefits. Parents and children do not always live near one another and rules can vary greatly from state to state.

Despite computers and cellphones, many families no longer have regular, meaningful conversations with one another; they are just “too busy.”

We all plan for some major life changes like going away to school, the first job, marriage, the birth of a child, yet the process of aging is often not talked about or prepared for.

Since Monday is April Fool’s Day, I’ll take the liberty of rewording the saying: “There’s no fool like an old fool who has made no plans for his or her own aging.”

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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We teach our children by example, not by the laws we pass

Two of my longtime dearest friends called to say hello before isolating themselves while they start the arduous preparations for the forthcoming beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover, which begins Monday evening with the traditional Passover Seder meal at sundown and lasts for eight days, ending on April 2.

While I envy these women friends their warm, close family gatherings at this holiday, I am relieved that my own preparations for Palm Sunday and Easter are minimal and easy compared to their lengthy, demanding schedule of cleaning, bringing forth special dishes and utensils and the preparation of many symbolic and delicious foods, which may not contain wheat, rye, barley, oats or spelt.

Passover celebrates the delivery of members of the Jewish faith from slavery in Egypt during the time of Moses. At this special time of year which represents a rebirth, I have also been giving a lot of thought to news items about the continuing arguments over gun laws, the presence of a gun shop on Main Street, Branford, and the push, in some states, to allow sponsored prayer at school sports events and in the classroom.

While I have never been convinced of the need for artillery-type weapons for self-defense nor the claim that good guys being fully armed at all times is the best way to protect us from the bad. I also don’t think foregoing the wise decision to keep church and state separate and bringing prayer (representative of one faith) into the schools, will make children “good” either.

As parents and teachers, we lead by the example we set with our own friends and in our own communities. I am both charmed and impressed that in Hebrew there are several expressions for acts of kindness. Mitzvot are mandated acts; respecting your parents and grandparents and giving food to the poor as well as caring for orphans, the homeless and unfortunate strangers. Tzedakjah are the acts which serve as living models for our children when they see and help us donate food and clothing or invite others to share in our holiday dinner and live the virtues of study, hard work, honesty and thrift. Gimelut hasidm, or loving acts of kindness, are the little but so important things, the unsolicited gestures that are gifts of love and empathy.

Lastly, Tkun olam (repair of the Earth) are the acts as small as picking up litter or trying to conserve natural resources. We adults are all teachers, and we instruct by what we do rather than by what we say. At this special time of year when the Earth comes alive once again and whatever our faith, we feel hopeful and renewed, let us consider that laws are only as strong and meaningful as the examples their human makers set. May you have a happy and peaceful Easter and Passover.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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A tip o' the cap this day to all those lucky enough to be Irish

“May you always walk in sunshine

May you never want for more

May Irish angels rest their wings

Right beside your door”

— Old Irish blessing

I have always envied the Irish their wonderfully colorful language and their inborn talent as marvelous story tellers. One has only to read authors like Frank McCourt to be aware of their uniquely lilting method of expression.

Quinnipiac University’s The Great Hunger Museum, which opened last year on Whitney Avenue in Hamden, has been in the news for its unprecedented collection of visual arts, artifacts and other materials relating to the starvation and forced emigration that occurred from 1845 to 1850.

It was these horrific circumstances that caused so many Irish to come to America. One of the first Irishmen to come to what is now Connecticut was a nobleman by the name of Riley who settled in the Connecticut River Valley in 1634. Another Irish immigrant, Darby Field, explored the White Mountains with a group of Indian guides. In 1640, a group of Irish refugees came from the West Indies to New Haven, among them was an educated gentleman, William Collins who taught school in Hartford before going to Boston where unfortunately he ran into trouble with some church officials who banished him to Rhode Island.

Edward Brennan, the son of an Irish immigrant, founded St. Margaret parish in Waterbury and Patrick S. McMahon established Strickland House, formerly one of the oldest hotels in Connecticut. Particularly interesting was an influx of Irish immigrants to Newtown. Many came as railroad workers and lived in the Sandy Hook and Walnut Tree Hill neighborhoods.

Like all first waves of immigrants, the Irish were at first, most unwelcome; they were polarizing socially, religiously and politically. Many came to Newtown from one small area of County Clare and eventually changed the town’s political majority from Republican to Democrat.

While they started out as farmers and laborers, subsequent generations fulfilled the American dream and became attorneys, doctors and government officials, and, of course, one, although not from Connecticut, became our first Catholic president. (JFK did, however, attend Choate in Wallingford.)

There is an excellent article in the current issue of Connecticut Magazine by David Monagan, entitled “Irish Yearning,” and there is also a Connecticut Irish American Historical Society which maintains a collection of books about Irish history, culture and genealogy at the Ethnic Heritage Center at Southern Connecticut State University in New Haven. They also publish a quarterly newsletter, The Shanachie, which means “storyteller” in Gaelic, for their more than 300 members.

They are very involved in interviewing and recording the recollections of senior citizens in the Irish community. Recording and preserving the oral history of our diverse senior population, is, I believe, of tremendous importance.

Have a celebratory dinner of corned beef and cabbage at Nick’s in Madison or Kelly’s Restaurant & Bar or O’Toole’s Irish Pub and Restaurant, both in New Haven.

-And should you have the time, dearie, I’d luv to see the likes of you at 5:30 p.m. March 21 at the Hearth at Gardenside, 173 Alps Road in Branford, where I’ll be talkin’ about “How to Speak to Your Aging Parents.” Call the Hearth at 203-483-7260 for reservations.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 15 The Ponds at 101 Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.

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