Shell out for a quality bed or spend the evening counting sheep

When I moved, I realized I had quite a collection of twin beds; two from the guest room, leftovers from what had been rooms the children had occupied and the twin beds that had resided in the master bedroom. In my new apartment, my sole twin looked rather lost and forlorn all by itself, and so I embarked upon a search for a new bed; deciding on a queen-size as so many sheets and accessories now are available in only king and queen.
Upon visiting several "sleep centers," my first surprise was sticker shock. A top-quality mattress cost as much as my first car. Then there was an overwhelming selection of "memory foam," regular innerspring, innerspring and box frames, and innerspring plus foam, etc.

Even a consumer guide wasn't much help since they admitted mattress comparison shopping is almost impossible as the same manufacturer makes the same mattress under different names for different stores who then charged differing prices for the same product.

I finally resorted to the old standby: laying fully prone for 5-10 minutes on each mattress. While the foam ones seemed light and easy to handle, I could not become accustomed to the way the foam seemed to follow me around on the bed. With just a little encouragement from the saleswoman, who knew an uncertain prospect when she saw one, I settled on one of the most expensive, top-of-the-line mattresses that came with an electric device which can raise or lower the head or the foot of the bed. Wonderful for my bad ankle and for reading in bed, I reasoned.

Before the bed was delivered, I realized I also would need sheets, a comforter, queen-size pillow cases, a dust ruffle, a duvet, a mattress cover, etc. And since I am one of a dying breed who like extra-fine quality sheets which I iron (yes, I know it is insane) again, sticker shock.

Once the bed arrived, I also realized I had given no thought as to a headboard and since this bed goes up and down, only headboards that are attached to the wall can be used. To date, I am still headboard-less. So far, I am finding I really like the mattress and the extra room a queen affords me. I sleep like a baby once I am in bed. Aye, there's the rub ... somehow the bed is much higher than it seemed in the store, and I almost need to take a running jump to scale its height. A friend suggested I use a small step stool by the side of the bed which inspired me to do some research on the history of beds.

Bet you didn't know that the Egyptians had high bedsteads, which they ascended by steps and they also hung curtains all around their beds, which were highly decorated with gold and mother of pearl. Of course, way back in time, people used piles of straw or animal skins to sleep on.

A major change occurred when they raised these off the ground to avoid drafts, dirt and pests. The first beds were found in Scotland and were made of stone, topped with fillers and dated about 3200 B.C. The ancient Romans had many kinds of beds; a chamber bed for normal sleeping, a highly decorated marriage bed, a table bed on which they ate while lying on their left side, a study bed and finally, a funeral bed on which they were carried to their pyre. The 14th century brought about the feather bed and the 17th century was the century of magnificent beds with Louis XIV owning 413 (maybe one for each mistress?) And if you have stayed with me this far, you might wish to stun your friends with the fact that one of the biggest beds in the world is the Great Bed of Ware made in 1580, and it is 10.7 feet wide and 11.1 feet long and resides in the Victoria and Albert Museum in London.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St. Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Shell out for a quality bed or spend the evening counting sheep

We're so busy, and our precious human connections wither

Growing up, my parents always stressed the importance of being self-reliant.
Additionally, as an only child, there was no other sibling to whom I could turn in times of stress or trouble or from whom I could seek advice. While I was in the habit of writing long letters to my parents during the time Val and I lived overseas, I never discussed any concerns or worries.

When I had my own children, without realizing it, I passed on the same message of "don't complain, solve your own problems". Perhaps this pattern wouldn't have become so entrenched if my children lived close by, but two of them live on the West Coast. Recently I saw my daughter, Marianne, for a few precious days and I became aware, again, how difficult it is to really, really know and understand what is happening in someone else's life if in addition to only seeing them occasionally, the rest of the time you are in touch, you don't feel free to discuss major concerns.

We had a lovely, busy time together, but I don't really know what the major concerns in her life are, n'or am I able to share the many worries getting older causes me. I did manage to express that I felt it was very important that we make the time to see one another more often and she agreed. It will take a lot of effort on both our parts as she travels extensively in her work, and I am also overly busy much of the time, but I have decided I must make it a priority in my life from now on.

In my work, counseling and helping seniors when they are making a move, a pivotal and stressful time in anyone's life, I have learned to do what I failed to do for my own family and that is to not be judgemental if they feel overwhelmed and to also help them find their own solutions, rather than rushing in with "instant" advice.

Sometimes, people are able to resolve problems for themselves; what they need is for someone else to be a caring, sympathetic, listener.

How often does a spouse come home to hear, "How was your day?" but then he or she realizes that their partner expects a one word answer and is not ready to really listen to the major problems or triumphs of the day just gone by. Too many families have televisions in every room, constantly competing for attention and taking away the opportunity for human conversation.

It is not unusual to attend a lecture or a movie and see many in the audience engaged with a device in their lap; half-listening to the speaker while they text a friend or receive messages. Seeing my daughter again after many months and relishing her every word and gesture, also made me realize how important it is to not take friends who are nearby, for granted, but to really listen and be engaged fully when I am with them.

"To listen fully is to pay close attention to what is being said beneath the words. You listen not only to the music, but to the essence of the person speaking. You listen not only for what someone knows, but for what he or she is. Develop deeper silences in yourself so you can hear beneath another's words to their meaning." - Peter Senge

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St. Apt. 510 Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: We're so busy, and our precious human connections wither

Volunteer work energizes Joyce Swolka, 72, of Middletown

Joyce Swokla, a 72-year-old Middletown resident who has logged more than 5,000 hours of dedicated volunteer and community service, recently won the special senior service award sponsored by Home Instead, a home-care agency. Joyce's name was entered by one of the nurses at Middlesex Hospital where Joyce has volunteered for many years in their Hospice unit. When I interviewed Joyce, she told me she was especially pleased that the award included a $500 donation to her favorite charity, and it came just in time for her to donate to Relay for Life, a cancer fundraiser in which Joyce has been an active participant for many years.
A cancer survivor of two bouts with the disease, herself, Joyce began her volunteer work in 1984 after caring for her ill mother for several years.

"We are all going to age and die one day, so we need to reach out and help one another," Joyce says, and she adds that when she comes home from her volunteer work she feels energized and happy because she knows she has been useful and helped another human being. Joyce is also proof that volunteerism knows no age limits; she is dedicated to her work and as active as ever.

With both mothers and fathers of younger families in the workforce, it is more important than ever that our senior citizens step up and fill the many important jobs that depend on volunteer help.

In our area alone, there are opportunities at Habitat for Humanity, New Haven Reads, Children's Community Programs of Connecticut and many more. You could be a foster parent to a cat or dog, helping them to learn family skills before they are adopted, or you could help the animal shelter by taking videos of animals waiting to be adopted which will appear on YouTube. The Family and Children's Agency in New Haven needs guest speakers who can speak on special topics such as time management or nutrition or give a few classes on yoga, photography or art. The Elder Wisdom Circle offers advice to youngsters while Cross Cultural Solutions will send you overseas to work side by side with people in Latin America or Africa.

You can host a student from another country, for a day or an entire year, you could teach someone to read; the possibilities are endless and exciting. Some computer sites to help you search are Create the Good (AARP's web site for opportunities), Volunteer on Demand, their site offers 15-minute and on-your-vacation opportunities, and VolunteerMatch.org offers free webinars to walk you through the training and screening process. Quite often, volunteering can lead to part- or full-time work, if that is something you might wish to do.

If you are still hesitating about volunteering, here are some quotations that make the case far better than I ever could:

"Service to others is the rent you pay for your room here on Earth." - Muhammad Ali

"I always wondered why somebody didn't do something about that. Then I realized, I was somebody." - Lily Tomlin

"A pessimist, they say, sees a glass as half-empty, an optimist sees the same glass as half-full. But a giving person sees a glass of water and starts looking for someone who might be thirsty".- T. Gale

 Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St. Apt. 510 Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: Volunteer work energizes Joyce Swolka, 72, of Middletown

It's not a pledge break, but Jean Cherni's sending check to PBS

As you are all probably aware, there are fewer and fewer independently owned newspapers. Rupert Murdock, whose staff in England used bribery and spying to get “scoops,” is about to embark on a determined drive to add additional newspapers to his media empire.

While other countries have several independent TV news channels, America has only one, and that is PBS.

Unfortunately, the outstanding “PBS NewsHour” is forced to plan a significant round of layoffs, its first in nearly two decades.

MacNeil/Lehrer Productions, the show’s producer, must close the offices it has outside of Washington — in Denver and San Francisco — as well as lay off most of the employees it has there. Facing a shortfall of more than $7 million, the producers have no choice. As viewers, we have fewer and fewer sources of independent, on-the-spot news coverage delivered by impartial reporters who are also students of history.

What is particularly upsetting is that popular late-night and early-morning “news show” hosts, command salaries several times that shortfall amount. Sarah Palin, who has already proved herself to be neither an eloquent speaker or history buff, is about to sign a fat contract as a Fox news analyst.

In a world in which what happens in Istanbul affects us here in New York, America, if it is to remain a leader among freedom-loving nations, must have an informed and engaged citizenry. That is not possible without access to unbiased, in-depth reporting.

The closing of Denver and San Francisco offices is the final chapter for the “NewsHour,” which formerly had offices in New York, Chicago and Los Angeles. Although Linda Winslow, executive producer of the “NewsHour,” said, “Under no circumstances do we intend to abandon the minidocumentary reports that have become so critical to our broadcasts, and we remain committed to delivering the same kind of in-depth reporting our viewers expect.”

I, for one, am sending in an extra contribution to public television as well as writing to its corporate sponsors to encourage them to give more generously. Impartial and knowledgeable reporting, both written and spoken, are too important to see diminished without putting up a fight.

“Without debate, without criticism, no administration and no country can succeed, and no republic can survive. And that is why our press was protected by the First Amendment — the only business in America specifically protected by the Constitution — not primarily to amuse and entertain, not to emphasize the trivial and sentimental, but to inform and arouse, to indicate our crises and choices, to lead, mold and educate. This means greater coverage and analysis of international news — for it is no longer far away and foreign, but close at hand.” — Excerpts from John F. Kennedy’s address before the American Newspaper Publishers Association. April 27, 1961.

Contact Jean Cherni, certified senior adviser for Senior Living Solutions and Pearce Plus, a helpful, full-service program for seniors contemplating a move, at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net or 49 Rose St. Apt. 510, Branford, 06405.

I'm reading: It's not a pledge break, but Jean Cherni's sending check to PBS