How can it be that fall has arrived when I don’t feel as though I have, as yet, experienced a real summer?
Nevertheless, the calendar says autumn officially begins Tuesday at precisely 5:18 p.m.
Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, was celebrated Saturday, stores are full of items for Halloween and Thanksgiving, and the Metropolitan Museum’s Christmas catalog arrived this past week, as well.
Apparently, the planners at the department stores and other retail emporiums have determined that in a weak economy, the answer to inducing people to spend money is to extend the holiday season. The only problem with this theory is that one holiday blends into the next, like watercolors blending on a piece of paper, and the true color or flavor of any specific event is muddied or lost, completely.
I do believe most people become utterly dispirited when viewing pumpkins on Labor Day and Christmas wrap or Santa suits in October. Instead of finding enjoyment in each holiday in turn, this fast forwarding of the calendar makes me want to forget the whole thing and leave for Bora Bora where they have never heard about any of this — or if they are inclined to celebrate, all that is required is a new grass skirt.
Mufflers, etc.
The topic of grass skirts is a perfect segway into Mother Cherni’s annual take on the fall fashion scene. This year, even if you remember to get your flu shot, it will be stylish to look as though you have a sore throat. Mufflers of all shapes and sizes are wrapped several times around the neck and although it would seems contradictory, paired with sheer, baby-doll tops. The baby-doll and peasant tops, incidentally, make everyone look about four months pregnant. Python- printed skinny trousers are big news ... just the thing for women with curvy thighs; they can now resemble a slithering snake as they walk — IF they can walk in the high platform shoes which are inexplicably again fashionable.
Personally, I think the likes of Manolo Blahnik and Christian Louboutin, who design these monstrosities women are supposed to manage to walk in, should be cited for torture along with those Chinese emperors who decreed the practice of female foot-binding.
Over-the-knee boots are “hot” and reach a new high, coming up to the thigh. “But, to avoid looking like a hooker, pair them with a long, tunic top,” advises one style magazine. If I ever spent the requisite hour and a half it would take to get into a pair of thigh-high boots, I darn well wouldn’t be hiding them under a long, tunic top, even if it meant being approached by some unsavory male.
Wellingtons, the British rubber boot staple, are modeled by Kate Moss with a mini-dress, so ladies, dig out those old rubber garden galoshes and pair them with that too short wool dress from 15 years ago. Viola, you’re in, baby. Among the “little luxuries” promoted by one magazine, a $140 gold tone metal skull key ring charm with crystal eyes was really awful looking, even if you are into the vampire and gothic garb mode and like your pocketbooks and shoes covered with nail studs and chains.
Other, “little” luxuries included a Fendi coin purse at $260 and Vuitton bracelets at $265 each. Faux fur vests and suede accessories are in (a holdover from last year) and we are told to “toughen up a feminine piece with a leather jacket” ... another one of the inconsistencies of today’s fashions.
Hippie chic
New York City stores recently hosted a one-night “Fashion’s Night Out” in an effort to stimulate business. Present at Macy’s were such luminaries as Anna Wintour of Vogue, designers, Michael Kors and Diane Von Furstenberg. In what to me is a puzzling mismatch, Bergdorf Goodman, that purveyor of haute couture and elegant fashions, featured the Olsen twins best known for their off-beat “hippie chic” styles. Clothing manufacturers looking to increase sales have hopped onto the celebrity bandwagon as though having Nicole Richie or Paris Hilton as “style advisers” will increase sales to anyone except teeny-boppers who think the height of fashion is wearing some large lettered logo across your behind.
I’m no fashion pundit (although I did spend several years working as a fashion publicist) but it seems pretty obvious that in today’s economy, women are looking for value. We will always love to shop for something new, but now especially it needs to be something that is well made and won’t look completely out of style by the following year. Until the fashion industry stops beating the drum for the far-out and the impractical at extravagant prices, store sales are doomed to remain stagnant.
Perhaps designers need to take a cue from the yellow buses once again on the road and go back to school.
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