Perhaps it is just a natural byproduct of the overall recovery process, accentuated by the confining cold weather, but I have been doing a lot of reading about developing willpower and overcoming adversity.
Basically, there seem to be two very different schools of thought on the subject. The first, exemplified by best-seller "The Secret" by Rhonda Byrne, takes positive thinking to a new level.
One of the very first books of this genre, Norman Vincent Peale’s "The Power of Positive Thinking," and most of those that followed, believe that thinking is only the very first step of a series. Byrne, on the other hand, claims that just by thinking hard enough, whatever you want will happen, from attracting money to losing weight.
For example, according to Byrne, "Food cannot cause you to put on weight unless you think it can. If someone is overweight, it came from thinking fat thoughts." As to Byrne’s advice on money, perhaps too many of us, including the banks and mortgage lenders, were following this theory, "If the words, I can’t afford it have passed your lips, your power to change that is now.
"Say, I can afford that ... I can buy that. Look at everything you like and say, I can afford that. You will begin to feel better about money, and the picture of your life will change. When you see someone who is wealthy, you will know that that person’s predominant thoughts are on wealth, and that they have drawn wealth to them." (That description certainly fits people like Mr. Madoff, who bilked thousands of people).
Frankly, I found "The Secret" more hogwash than helpful, but I have to give the gal credit. She created a best seller by using a catchy title and mostly quotes from other authors.
The second method to self-improvement starts with a positive thought, but there are many additional steps to reach your goal. I especially liked Jim Randel’s "The Skinny on Willpower," a super quick read illustrated with "stick" figures. Randel suggests we:
Set realistic expectations.
Identify your goal and the process to get there in specific terms.
Don’t compare yourself to others.
Turn positive activity into habits. We are what we repeatedly do.
Visualize the end result of either/or choices.
Divide your challenges into small, manageable pieces.
Frame your challenges in a pleasurable, not painful, manner.
In the book, "Do One Thing Different" by Bill O’Hanlon, he stresses "solution-oriented" living, and suggests it is better to pay attention to what works than to spend time and energy analyzing why things don’t work.
If what you are doing isn’t working, look to change the following areas:
Actions.
Interactions with others.
What you are thinking or telling yourself.
Use spirituality to rise above selfish concerns.
To resolve problems, connect to God or a higher power.
The author also suggests forming a vision for the future and then creating an action plan to reach that end. Or, as the song from "South Pacific" put it, "If you don’t have a dream, how you gonna make a dream come true?"
I found this worked for me when I was undergoing radiation for breast cancer. My goal was to make a trip to Morocco after I recovered. Each radiation treatment was not something that caused concern; it became a looked-forward-to session that brought me one step closer to my goal, each week.
For helpful understanding following the death of a loved one, many have liked Joan Didion’s "The Year of Magical Thinking," but I found two paperbacks by Laurie-Ann Weiss an easier read. Her "The After Journey … Getting Through the First Year," a book that shares the experiences of many widows and widowers, and "The Water Dance … How to Find Joy Again," is realistic and to the point. (Both books are available at www.laurieannweis.com).
While books are lifelong sources of information and encouragement, after all these serious reads, I’m ready for a few chapters of Erma Bombeck or Art Buchwald. Humor is almost always good for any ailment.
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